15 January 2018

I have yet another sleepless night!

To be mindful is to name your feelings and to accept them and right now, there is grief and sadness, which are choking me and I am sobbing, as I read the words my late childhood friend Sandra’s husband sends me along with some beautiful pictures. It is unbelievable that she passed away almost a year ago and though I did not have a lot of contact with her over the past years, can easily ‘keep busy’ and distract myself, I now see that I need more room for this grief, embrace the vulnerability, as pushing it away, just does not make it any better! Actually any grief, as death is something that scares the hell out of me!

I am supposed to meet Mary, another fellow cancer blogger, who I met during the Janssen blogger workshop last year and I postpone it…..anything else seems so far away and not important. I let Mia watch a little movie and let it out…. I cry my eyes out and any of my little issues, my paperwork worries, the costumes for the kids…. it all seems so little. My new filling hurts…. I need to see the dentist again tomorrow! Who cares!

I dry my tears and meet Mary….but I take Sandra along with me!

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