31 October 2017

Up since 5.30… AHHH! The chemo still has it’s side effects and I was a lot awake during the night and my kids are suddenly early risers!! Well, since I am awake anyway, I might as well give Markus a layin again.

The emotional state of myself is frightening. I have never taken drugs, but I think this is probably what happens, when you are on a trip and it might explain what is happening to me here in phases after each chemo: I have a discussion with my friend Nick today, while driving to a farm, where we celebrate Lennard’s 5th birthday. While there, I am suddenly unable to be with my friends, as our discussion suddenly seems about life and death matters, my heart is beating, my breath is short and though I am there physically, my mind is taking funny turns and I am loosing reason. After a while, it is ok again – I am calm and happy and am able to mingle with my friends. We chat and I am back in the here and now. Then suddenly, I am really exhausted. I go back to the car, to wait for Markus and the kids to go home. I am suddenly tired and feel drained. I go home and go straight to bed, shivering and needing two blankets to warm up again.

Once again, thank you, Nick, for coping with me during these phases – I appreciate it a lot that you do not give up on me… !

Before the treatment started, I was worried about the physical side effects of the drugs, but little did I know about the emotional turbolances ahead of me. It is not the fact that I have cancer and might die – I am pretty sure that I am beating this illness. Oh, I am so worried about the 12 weekly chemos and what they will do to me. I should meditate more, but the app I am using is playing funny tricks on me – thank god, Christina recommended another one 😉

There is an intuition center opening tonight and the psychologist recommended I should go. See if this will take my mind off for a while. They are showing the film „InnSæi”, which is the islandic word for intuition and also means “the sea within”.

While the center is a bit too spiritual for me, the film is interesting – Listen do your heart instead of your head! This is exactly what I am doing at the moment.

A lady I speak to is actually surprised that I have cancer, as she said that she thought I shaved my head as a statement and that I was perhaps an artist 😉

 

IMG_5611

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

Katze und Wohnmobil ? Geht doch !

Reiseberichte, Tipps und Informationen rund ums Wohnmobil

Healthy Living Sage

Because what U Eat does Matter!

MaiRose42

My Life with and after Breastcancer

SU-mmerfield - Diagnose Leben

Aufklärung, Unterstützung und Motivation bei Brustkrebs

Glam up your Lifestyle

Ü40 + Ü50 Blog für Mode, Lifestyle, Beauty, Fitness und gesunde Ernährung

DerBrustkrebsundIch

Ich habe dem Tumor gekündigt, für immer!!! Und das ist mein neues, wunderbar, facettenreiche Leben!!

Metahasenbändigerin

Hier geht es den Metahasen an den Kragen

Paulina Paulette

Leben mit Brustkrebs, Tagebuch, Familie, auf dem Weg der Genesung

life-can-be-beautiful

Sharing self help tips/advice/blogs on how to make your life beautifully positive!

Jasmine's Quarter Life Crisis

I've kindly been served up a helping of cancer at the grand old age of 25. An honest and (sometimes) witty documentation of living with Stage 4 High Grade B-Cell Lymphoma and the delights of chemotherapy.

The [Other] C Word

highs, lows, and slows of yet another cancer fighter

The Cancer Bus

Living with metastatic breast cancer, not dying from a bus accident.

Big C. Little Me.

Putting the can in cancer

Big C Little Me - My Cancer Fight

Every Journey Brings Blessings

carolionk

Fashion, Healthy Living, Beauty & Travel Blog

Bikes Philosophy

We're gonna travel the world by bike to spread love, respect and culture of bicycle all over!

smilethroughthefog.wordpress.com/

My uncensored life through cancer

Schönlinge

Ein Foto- und Mutmachprojekt von und mit Frauen, die von kreisrundem Haarausfall betroffen sind.

%d bloggers like this: