29 December 2017

„Reach for the stars, not for the daisies“ (Nicole Staudinger)

… but what if I don’t have the energy. I have the first sleepless night since ages and my mind takes funny turns. I cry and feel lonely. I don’t know what is wrong – I go to the bathroom and admire my little regrowth lashes and eyebrows… yep, they are growing and even if I loose them all again, I will worship them every single day as long as I have them! I browse the social media, I watch a series on Amazon prime and finally listen to an audio book ….nothing helps. It does not help either that the kids are equally restless and I spend half the night in their room, as they cry a lot…

The unfair thing about this cancer thing is, that everyone else can get on with their life, but I am stuck here. So, if there are issues, everyone else can dive into regular life or go away, but I am stuck here at the moment and with these crazy chemo brain thoughts and nobody to talk to in the middle of the night and writing is not the best means of communication due to the numb fingers …. ahhhh! OK, maybe I try that boring audio book again from last week. It helps… peace at long last, but I am happy that the day ahead is quite busy despite the fact that I am a bit tired 😉

We are at the kids‘ theatre watching Pettersen & Findus with friends and kids, I meet Maja, buy two more tops and have coffee with her and have lmyphatic drainage before my Mum arrives with my nephews and shortly afterwards Micky & Anna to pick them up. We pack for our New Year’s trip to Luxembourg with about 35 adults and app. double the amount of kids and I look forward to a quiet evening with a few phone calls. The day was great and I am all good again.

I use Christmas to say thank you and give Markus punk rock concert tickets, I am taking the girls to the Philharmonics plus presents for Mum, Sylvie, Anna and a few more and I decided to throw a big thank you party during the summer when the cancer is gone and I can hopefully drink again!

Hmmm….. wonder if this tree will last until January …. I am not allowed to comment as I did not come along to pick it ;)