13 February 2018

Is is a crisp and sunny day… and I don’t know how to manage it all…. but somehow it will fall into place. Leo is at home today, Markus is off, but has to work a bit, Mum is on her way and I need to calm down…. I should close my eyes, breath and enjoy the beautiful day, but my head is spinning.

I asked for assistance from Singapore Airlines for long distances at the airport and I really hope that they send one of these electric cars and not a wheelchair, but don’t fancy standing in a queue in the heat in Singapore after the flight… whatever it is, I have to live with it.

Emotionally I am at my lowest and start crying, every time I tell the kids that I will be away for two weeks ….. I miss them already!

I have been crying a lot this morning, I am so fragile today, but it is time to dry up the tears, go to physio and to the doctors.

The energy I have left, I would love to use for my kids, but there are these things I have to do and I have to pack…. this is the worst about feeling this weak and I look forward to being myself again!!

To add to my turmoil, the insurance company did send me another letter, which I have to sign and return to confirm that I know that they are not paying the sick benefits, as they do not agree with me going abroad and that if this trip delays my well being, they will cancel the benefits all together. Thanks! What if it helps me to recover faster?!?!

I do call them though to say that there are a bit more moderate ways to treat someone, who is freshly out of chemo and they might consider that in the future…. surely they won’t.

I get the confirmation that I am fit to fly and the medication and no, I cannot use the leave days from work, while on sick leave …. I will leave it as it is, go and not worry about it! I don’t have the energy anymore and it is only money! At least my treatments are being paid for 😉

And above all – I should not loose the focus of what is important – the tumor shrank, I am alive, my aches and pains are relatively minor compared to what can possibly happen and I can go to Bali!!!

I just need to pack….. 🙄 No going out tonight!

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