20 March 2018

Hmmm…. waking up, I am a bit scared and sad. Why?!? It is the first time during my cancer journey that something is not going according to plan apart from missing two chemos due to pneumonia, but that does not really count, as I still caught up with my schedule. I don’t really have to explain why though…. these thoughts are normal and it is good to allow them at times. Yes, I am scared today!

I appreciate all the luck I had so far – my tumor has not spread, reacted well to the chemo, etc., but now I wanted pathological total remission (PTR) and I did not get it…. I feel like a little child, ungrateful and learn from bosom buddy Paula that only 30% of the breast cancer patients actually get the PTR, but my breasties were all part of this 30% club… apart from Paula. We will set up our own little club now 😉 and what is important is that after feeling down, you know how to lift yourself up again!

Here we go – there is snow, the sun is shining and I take my time before dropping Leo off at Kindergarten learning that the teachers all go on strike tomorrow…and then I do my usual coffee therapy routine – breakfast with Steffi at TörtchenTörtchen, Hannah steps in for Steffi, who has to leave and I visit Maja at lunchtime.

Talking about therapy – a psycho oncologist from Haus LebensWert calls my today to schedule yet another ‘psychological talk’ during which will be decided, if I ‘qualify’ for music therapy … this actually starts to become a running joke…. how many different psycho talks can you actually have?!?!? I also have an appointment with another psycho oncologist, who Holweide referred me to and I really hope that I will end up staying somewhere….seven months after my diagnosis 😉

Last week I did notice some weird stains on my teeth, but during chemo I was not allowed to go to the dentist for a deep cleaning and I finally have an appointment today – oh joy … it’s these little things that make such a difference! The better you look, the better you feel – thank you for making my teeth look nice again Dr. Kirchner 😁

I am tired after picking up Mia and spending all afternoon with my kids, but I am happy and mobilize my last energy to join my mummy clan at my favorite wine bar – Morio – tonight, where I will enjoy a nice Montepulciano now ….. or two 😜

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