5 November 2017

Oh, what a wonderful evening I had last night…so much fun – thank you girls! I had a blast! The pain killers worked and I truly enjoyed it! It is so important to go out and it makes me feel alive!

This is what they all say, but cancer shows you who your real friends are. Now I only spend time with people I really care about and some people I did not know that well are close friends now and other friends, who I thought were close, are now in a distance. The one thing I cut out immediately were the negative people, as this is something I do not have the energy for. You meet a lot of fellow patients and some just winge and moan, which they have all rights to do so, it is just something that I cannot handle right now… and this is where I actually quickly change the subject, end the conversation in a polite way and go! I also respect that some people have an issue dealing with the whole story, but I try to make it easy to talk to me about it, being proactive and open about it. Some friends could not handle my strength wanting space to be shocked and concerned about it and that is fine as well. I don’t have the nerves for arguments either, am honest and open and try to get rid of any misunderstandings and tensions as quickly as possible. At the end of the day, I now already see people a bit differently than before, I do not feel that I have to live up to anyone’s expectations, have reduced the number of people I go out with and I am still only at the beginning of my journey.

Something else has really changed as well – I no longer enjoy having an open house 😉 I mean that I rather meet friends outside somewhere in order to give me the chance to get away whenever I want to, if I am not too well, without having to kick my guests out. They would probably all be ok, but it is just the way it is. Same with overnight guests – I cannot do it at the moment…Home has become a place I associate with being ill maybe? I don’t know?!? I did spend most of the day at home today with Leo, as it was raining cats and dogs and we had a wonderful time – I am fit again and it was quality time and a really happy day for me. In the afternoon Markus returned from my parents with Mia and gosh, did I miss her… the afternoon was then filled with screaming and running kids at Leo’s friend Carla’s. She said yesterday to her Mom “you know, I love Leo” and then there were quite a few loud arguments today and they seemed like an old couple 😉

PS: No worries!! There will be an open house Karneval Monday, as it is every year!! I was only talking about the daily basis 😉

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