21 December 2017

Chemo day…. Number 9 today! By now I know most of the patients and I chat with Sonja, who gets bi-weekly infusions due to an immune deficiency. Her friend has just been diagnosed with breastcancer and she heard about my blog. I hope it will help her! My other ‚follower‘, who has been diagnosed with breastcancer had her first Paclitaxel today…. fingers crossed, my new chemo buddy! She is actually trying the cooling cap to prevent hair loss, gloves and shoes and I look forward to her feedback!

I forgot my earphones, can not meditate, there are no cooling pads for my feet, but I dose off… surely they would tell me, if I was snoring – I certainly hope so 😉 Nurse Fassbender is back and I am so happy to see her. She cannot fit into her Christmas dress and I feel immediately sorry for bringing cookies and chocolate 😜. She tells me that I have to accept that resting and slowing down is what it takes and that I have to embrace it and not fight against it. I do – I really really do, but she does not quite believe me yet!! I have really taken speed out of my life and truly enjoy the quiet moments and will digitally detox a bit while at my parents‘.

I did get some Christmas cards, but I will continue to write them whenever I feel like it – easy easy and presents for the kids can be wrapped on the 24th in the morning and I asked in the ‚Alex needs Help‘ group, if someone can pick up the Tonies Box for me, as I am not able to drive a car today and it is in the middle of nowhere.

I see Dr. Reiser and he confirms that we (they) will decide, if I can simply skip the two chemos I missed on the 9th of January. Concerning my miracle hair growth, he said that it can always happen during the chemo that the hair grows and a lot of patients worry then that the chemo does not do it’s job. I did not worry there, but wonder, if it will stay…. Either it will or it won’t. I think I will shave it off again to have an even re-growth…. I still need my bald head picture with my bald head brother 😉 then again… and I am sadly loosing more lashes. Could cry with every single one I notice 😢

With a fresh carrot juice and jacket potato takeaway, I am heading home, eat and sleep – I am sooo tired and exhausted, hot and cold and need to rest. My eyelids are extremely heavy and so is my entire body. This is where the balancing act starts again…. I hear the kids come home with Steffi, but I cannot even get up. I have locked myself into the guest room and I am hiding from my kids. How sad is that!??! I feel really alone and like I am letting my kids down, but I cannot handle it and I need energy for them. I join them in the late afternoon, but I am weak but I manage to only go back to bed when they go to bed.

Mia has diarrhea again and is not allowed in Kindergarten tomorrow and Steffi is not well either…. Markus can take Friday morning off and I try to get HomeInstead to send Anja instead of Steffi in the afternoon. Fingers crossed that all will go smoothly, as I need to go to physiotherapy, but might cancel my wig appointment at lunchtime. I asked Tatjana Richartz to have a look at my fiffy again, as I don’t want to wear it, but maybe I will start one day, if the haircut is a bit cooler…It would have been just such a waste of money for the the fiffy to live a sad life in my cupboard 😉 then again – I really could not care less…