23 January 2018

Welcome to the world of my emotional ups and downs – maybe you can image what it can be like at times, when I share my morning: As I wake up, I have no energy and have the feeling that I don’t really have a life at the moment. Somehow I cannot even picture that I will ever have one again – it is beyond my imagination that one day I will have the strength and energy to manage the kids, work and everything around it… on the other hand, I have the feeling while sitting at home that everyone else has a life and seems to be enjoying it. I really try to tell myself that this is silly, but it does not work.

At lymphdrainage I mention that my hand still hurts and that I cannot hold anything. Frau Dietrich has a solution, as always, and tapes my hand. Luckily I can talk her out of the pink tape, but black looks like serious business now.

I want to sew something, but just the thought of getting the sewing machine off the shelf makes me tired and I am ending up being on the internet instead. It is an activity that does not take much of an effort and I can sit in bed. It does not really brighten my mood though.

To cheer myself up, I am meeting Andrea for lunch at Klee’Snacks. I know I have to take it easy, but it is unlikely that I will get pneumonia from riding the bike around the corner and having lunch 😉 and this is exactly what I need… not from a calorie point of view, as I had a whole bar of chocolate as an ‘after breakfast snack’, but from an emotional one 😉 This actually works! I still have no energy, but I am in a much better mood.

My hair is growing like crazy, but I will just shave it off again until I have an even hair growth. I know that a lot of chemo patients are happy about any hair that grows back, but I think a lot of them look like ostriches, when the first baby hair grows back and for my liking I am rather bald than an ostrich. I have a close look every day at my hairline (or rather the missing hairline) and as soon as I see a bit more regrowth, I will let my hair go wild!

Enough is enough and on my way to mindfulness and digital detox, I have yet taken another step. After deleting the Facebook messenger a while ago, I deactivated notifications from Insta and the rest today. I feel empowered and much better already. If you need to get hold of me, give me a call or send me a text 😉

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