9 February 2018

Post chemo recap:

  • hair, shaved, but regrowth noticeable (down on back of hands!?!?), but still nothing to shave on the rest of my body
  • lashes – second set almost all gone again
  • eyebrows – second set almost all gone again too
  • skin – super dry inside and out
  • weight – total gain of 7kg!! Feel extremely fat and uncomfortable in my skin, but the Indonesian cuisine will help
  • water retention – I hope it is not all fat, but water as well that causes my face and body to be blown up like this…
  • bones – hurt a bit, but hopefully a bit of light yoga and warm weather will help
  • fingertips – numb, but it can only get better
  • lungs – a bit short breath, but no coughing – only a mild cold and this is probably due to the dry sinuses
  • nerves – raw… I have no patience, am very thin skinned and easily upset and anxious and super emotional – looking forward to more meditation in Bali
  • brain – foggy … guess I am on the highest concentration of chemo poison now
  • perspective – brilliant …. onwards and upwards from here now, as there are no more chemos lined up

I guess I need to change my diet now, as the comfort blanket of chemo is slowly disappearing and there is still a bit of tumor left…. In a way it is not only the routine that is missing, but having the poison every week, gives you comfort that you are ‚doing‘ something to fight the beast…. until the radiation, there will be enough chemo poison left to make sure any tumor cell left will not have a chance to grow now…. That is my idea of dealing with it now anyway.

Yes, chemo is over, but that does not mean I am back to normal…. and I do not appreciate anyone telling me that it is. Six months is apparently needed to recover from chemo and this is not only concerning the obvious damages visible from the outside, as my hair will grow quickly. I thought about it last night, as I had hot flashes…. yes, this is now ‚artificial‘ menopause, as chemo killed my fertility, but this will continue for the next five years, as the anti-hormone therapy has the same effects… great outlook. And it is probably joined with weight gain again… oh joy 😉

What will help? Carnival therapy – I might dress up and join Sylvie and the crowds for a little while! 🤡 … give me an hour and I will be home again, but hopefully in a better mood 😉

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The naked truth post 16 chemos….

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