10 March 2018

I think I have the hospital blues….and I am knackered! I have breakfast with the kids though – via FaceTime 🤣

What happened to my left breast?!? Well, during the operation, the 4mm rest of my tumor in my left breast was removed and the surrounding tissue plus the tissue around the spot where the second tumor was and the chemo port on the right hand side was also removed. They cut next to the nipple, just like last time, which will be barely noticeable, if it heals alright, but for now, it is still bleeding now and then. The breast is massively big, but apparently all ok and I am allowed to go home tomorrow. Last time my boobs were this big, I was breast feeding, but since this is a one sided issue, it feels strange….I need to wear a sports bra 24 hours a day for the next couple of weeks, need to do some exercises and shall not lift anything with my left arm – up to 2,5kgs is ok though. I have hardly any pain, but regularly take pain killers.

It could be worse, but I am sad. Why? If only I would know! It is good though that I can just pop my head into Claudia’s. Everything is quiet today and Claudia also has the blues, so we go for a coffee and spend the morning together…. Spirits are lifting and I think it is time for a sneaky champagne today!

The other issue that I was asked about on Instagram today is my port. When placed, there is a little cut they make near the chest bone on the opposite side from where the cancer is. Mine is on the left side, the port on the right. The port is a little titanium canister with a membrane on one side, which sits directly underneath your skin and a tube feeds into one of the large blood vessels. The benefit of a port is that the chemo would destroy the little venes, as it is very aggressive and you do not have to be scared about the placing of a cannula, as they simply put a needle into the port and cover it up. You simply inhale, they bang the needle into the port, put a plaster on top and you are connected. It also works for any infusions you need, e.g. the antibiotics I got in hospital for pneumonia. Once it has done it’s job, it is being removed through the same spot.

I have been back from Bali for one week now and only meditated once! Every time I attempt to do it, there is a meal or someone is cleaning, visiting, etc. It shall be the one thing I need to do today!

Working on my story is another thing, which is keeping me busy. Two pages are done, but it is a mess…. it is a bigger project than what I expected, still a bit overwhelming and frustrating, as I want to say so much all at once – pretty much like in my real life at times 😉

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