14 March 2018

A bit of gentle Running Mamas training and endless coffees at Klee’snack is the right thing to start this bright sunny day. I am however, a bit anxious to hear from Prof. Dr. Breidenbach regarding the pathology results…..but no info today, so I will see what tomorrow will bring.

Menopause is a subject the Fuck Cancer Club brought up on Instagram and it seems to me worth writing about, as this is regarded as one of the little side effects from chemo, but it is a massive subject for young women facing cancer! Having chemo, we are all suddenly unfertile within a month and go through the normal side effects of menopause – mood swings, which might be from chemo brain though…. all a grey area 😉 and hot flushes, which is extremely annoying and therefore I am glad that I do not wear a wig, as my head is the hottest when it happens 🙄 These side effects are bearable though, but emotionally it is quite a big topic. I am lucky to have two kids, but within a day of the diagnosis, you have to make a decision, if you want to freeze some eggs (which still does not guarantee, that your body will still be in a state to actually carry a baby). I don’t want to be ungrateful, but I would have loved to have another child and even if I would not have had it, I would have loved to make this decision myself and it is not fair that cancer made this decision on my behalf.

Leo asks me when he will be dead and it completely throws me off track, but I learn that it is apparently normal for this age and we have a calm chat about it, but it is a subject I really struggle with. Now more than ever!

Despite these serious subjects, I am very happy and enjoy the sunny day. The birds are singing and spring is in the air, I pick up Leo, scroll with him through Riehl and take him along to physio. Our babysitter is busy tonight, but I fetch some take away from Thai Gourmet, which is wonderful despite the waiting time (which I spend at Maja’s 😉). No rest for the wicked though…. Leo is starting to have an aweful night again with coughing and pain, which means that we take turns eating and I am hurrying into bed now to be with him 😢

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