25 April 2018

I am happy about every single hair that is coming back into my life…. ok, I could have done without shaving my legs for another few months, but it is a price I am happy to pay! Nurse Fassbender said that once the hair comes back, everyone expects you to be back to normal again, but it is not. I am still facing radiation and another chemo, where I won’t loose my hair and I realize that it is easier to have a bald head as an ice breaker than to explain to everyone why I am currently not working. People think that I chose my hairstyle, but I did not and my bossom buddy Paula was called a bull dyke yesterday, when some idiots could not get passed her?!?! Can you believe that?!? It is a new aspect to our fight, a new level, we have to get used to… my friend Eva never lost her hair and looked extremely healthy during her cancer treatment, but we are not healthy…. we do not manage a normale life, do not have the energy, even if we look like it or wish we had, grit our teeth and take one day at a time and we smile and we laugh and we are still living a normal life, but at times it is hard and tough and tiring just to get up in the mornings! Kids help a lot though, as staying in bed is simply not an option 😉

Leukofighter Alex wrote about us as the army of the shades and Krabbamein Diana calls is the invisible army and this is what we are…. most of our cancers are not visible and our group gives cancer a face, while trying to give hope and information!

Off I go to the running Mamas for some armless sports and coffee before I rest and relax until the afternoon. I no longer need to draw eyebrows or put any make-up to pretend I am ok, nowadays I can leave the house as I am without feeling that I look ill and it makes life that little bit normal again! Our household aid will pick up Mia and take her to gymnastics, but I promised Leo to pick him up – am still in my sports outfit though…. in bed. I will chill with Leo and do as little as possible. I feel more exhausted than after some chemos. I am tired beyond belief, but I thought some exercise is good, as I can barely get up from sitting on the ground, my bones and joints are rusty and hurt and I feel like an old woman…. is this maybe due to the lack of cortisone?! I have no idea, but on top of it, my eyes are burning and my nose is running. At physio Frau Dietrich asked yesterday, if I ever considered maybe having a hayfever?!? Oh, please – just what I need now 😉 I am ignoring it and hope it will go away and yes, I look forward to an early night before I have my first radiation session tomorrow! Hmmm…. I should really read that leaflet they gave me a week ago … time to sort my paperwork again, I guess – story of my life 😉

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