9 May 2018

A good night’s sleep makes a whole difference, but cannot fix anything…. I am still sensitive and emotional, when I wake up and that is totally ok. Reflecting what I have been through and what lays ahead of me, it is a long journey and I am happy that I passed the half way mark of my treatments and the worst is hopefully in the past. I have been on this journey for more than eight months now and I really hope that it won’t be another eight month, but I will go however long it will be, it would just be nice to put an end to it.

An end?!? Right, there will never be an end, but there will hopefully be an end to active treatment and then comes the worst part anyway, which already started – the uncertainty, if the monster is secretly growing again somewhere, if the uninvited guest, who might be lingering somewhere, waiting for an opportunity to sneak in already has a foot in the door.

One thing, which really helps me mentally and physically since the start of my journey, has been regular sports and therefore I am happy that I am meeting the running Mamas after radiation. Simone gives me an envelope from my mummy friends with a BeYOUtiful card and a shopping voucher for my next retail therapy at Kiss the Inuit and I have to cry – they know me so well….

Be yourself and be beautiful – this is part of this journey. I am listening more to what and who I am, not what I am supposed to be – inside and out. What helped me a lot to still feel that I was being myself, was make-up! The Look Good Feel Better programme run my DKMS LIFE is offering complimentary make-up courses for cancer patients, where you learn how to draw eyebrows when yours are no longer there, how to tie headscarves and they have a hair programme helping you with wig options!

I am quite emotional today and cry again during coffee just talking about all the things I have to do. I see how – as the day progresses, I run my errands and go to lymphdrainage – I am emotionally stronger and stronger and spend a lovely afternoon with Hannah and the kids.

Markus has gone out, as it is a public holiday tomorrow and I am waiting for the kids to fall asleep, will watch a breast cancer documentary, which was on RTL TV two days ago and go to bed early! Look after yourselves!

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