12 June 2018

I am sick of being sick and tired of being tired….

in a helpless attempt to brighten the day, I paint Mia and my fingernails yellow, but that does not really help. I cry during the night and elements of my conversation with Dr. Reiser reappear on my mind…. the curly hair will go away, „did you have this much grey hair before?“, he asks for my weight and yes, I gained more weight and says that he will even have to increase the dosage now… I feel exhausted and tired. The bare thought of doing my overdue bank transfers tires me…. how shall I ever go back to work?!? Additionally I question my life! It does not help to think about the past, as it is over, but things have to change for me to not repeat the same patterns.

When I wake up, the mood isn’t any brighter, but my kids are adorable, kiss and cuddle and despite the fact that I gained more weight – stupid 5 elements …. stupid porridge … I have to check that with the alternative therapist today…. – I get ready and do my bank transfers and move my tired body towards town for more doctors‘ appointments. I want a coffee with Maja, but I need to see Prof. Dr. Breidenbach, the practitioner Frau Kakizaki and the psycho onchologist Frau Scheulen.

Prof. Dr. Breidenbach is happy with my breast and the next operation will probably happen around Easter and until the it needs massages with Calendula creme.

I can barely keep my eyes open, I have a headache, feel slightly nausea…. but manage to visit Sabrina for about five minutes. On my way to pick up Mia from Kindergarten, I have to get off the tube and just manage to throw up into a garbage bin! Mia and I go home and I sleep, but my head is exploding – no sports today for the #stepupfor30 challenge, sorry!