19 July 2018

I can still do it…. I am still happy for other people and don’t begrudge someone their luck, their life and their happiness. Au contraire – it makes me happy to see their happiness!

Meeting my friend Andrea’s baby, who is not even a week old, let’s my heart melt…. yes, I will never be pregnant again, won’t have another child, will never nurse a baby again and yes, cancer decided that this is the way it is and it makes me sad, but you know what? There is nothing I can do about it – it is sad, but it’s ok. I am alive, I even have two wonderful children and I try to make the most of every day and life in general. I am happy for Andrea and Heinzi โค๏ธ

Jealousy is not healthy and a waste of energy – if I would start the why me, why not me, why them, blablabla, it would not get me anywhere, but simply frustrate me…. I live a healthy lifestyle, but I have cancer…. I cannot say that I don’t do it at all though. Yes, I look at other people, at happy healthy people and a bit of looking around is ok. Sometimes it makes me sad, but it is mainly not the happy healthy people – despite the slight jealousy of a carefree life, but who truly has a carefree life?!? It’s the moaning people, who I don’t have the nerve to listen to – mainly about nothing or other people… then again, that’s a very German thing and I never liked it along with attacking strangers, telling them what they are doing wrong, only seeing the negative and being generally bitter…. and yes, I am sad and frustrated at times that I cannot do everything I want, but I try to minimize comparing, try to focus on the things I can actually do and maximize living. It is a balancing act, but I try my best to stay on track! Being tired and having aches & pains is an absolute ok price to pay right now – I just really hope it’s temporary – as I am lucky that my treatment almost killed my tumor, I am happy to be here and I appreciate it every single day!

2 thoughts on “19 July 2018

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  1. I am lifted everytime I read your posts and I admire your bravery.
    You do all this and still fight everyday.
    None of us do whatever we want there is always something to stop us. Sometimes it is money or time or our health. Noone has it all or do it all and make it all rosey.
    You can do something I can’t and that is be a mum. I can’t have children and now to make it worse a hysterectomy needs to happen for my health. So my admiration for you is now doubled because you can be brave and be a mum.
    You always had a smile on you face when we were at sea I think even if you are sad you would smile not able to do a frown.
    This frustration will pass when you realise very soon how loved you are and how many lives you touch every time you blog.
    I love you and are so very proud to call you friend

    Liked by 1 person

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