19 July 2018

I can still do it…. I am still happy for other people and don’t begrudge someone their luck, their life and their happiness. Au contraire – it makes me happy to see their happiness!

Meeting my friend Andrea’s baby, who is not even a week old, let’s my heart melt…. yes, I will never be pregnant again, won’t have another child, will never nurse a baby again and yes, cancer decided that this is the way it is and it makes me sad, but you know what? There is nothing I can do about it – it is sad, but it’s ok. I am alive, I even have two wonderful children and I try to make the most of every day and life in general. I am happy for Andrea and Heinzi ❤️

Jealousy is not healthy and a waste of energy – if I would start the why me, why not me, why them, blablabla, it would not get me anywhere, but simply frustrate me…. I live a healthy lifestyle, but I have cancer…. I cannot say that I don’t do it at all though. Yes, I look at other people, at happy healthy people and a bit of looking around is ok. Sometimes it makes me sad, but it is mainly not the happy healthy people – despite the slight jealousy of a carefree life, but who truly has a carefree life?!? It’s the moaning people, who I don’t have the nerve to listen to – mainly about nothing or other people… then again, that’s a very German thing and I never liked it along with attacking strangers, telling them what they are doing wrong, only seeing the negative and being generally bitter…. and yes, I am sad and frustrated at times that I cannot do everything I want, but I try to minimize comparing, try to focus on the things I can actually do and maximize living. It is a balancing act, but I try my best to stay on track! Being tired and having aches & pains is an absolute ok price to pay right now – I just really hope it’s temporary – as I am lucky that my treatment almost killed my tumor, I am happy to be here and I appreciate it every single day!