31 July 2018

26 August 2017 was the day I felt a lump in my breast and 31 August 2017 was the day I was diagnosed and now I am sentimental, as August is starting tomorrow. One year ago was the run up to the big c-day, but I wasn’t aware…

What followed was an outlook of a min. of 9 months until I would be back to ‘normal’ – I heard “very aggressive, fast growin, happy to metastasis”, “chemos and operations and radiation”…. but with cancer, nothing goes according to plan…. first it was one tumor, then two, then the removal of all breast tissue was discussed, which would have meant no radiation and I pictured myself in my ‘normal’ life in June/ July…. then it wasn’t removed, which meant radiation until end of May….. but that only ended in June and meanwhile I learned that the chemo did not kill the tumor, which was removed in March and I had to face chemo pills for another five months….. moving ‘normal’ to 2019.

It is a bit like managing a project, but with a client, who changes his mind all the time and suddenly turns around and stabs you in the back. Even though it feels that you are in control, ticking off your appointments, you never really are….What I know for sure is that ‘normal’ will be a new ‘normal’ – nothing will be the same…. whenever the treatment will be over, I will still be myself, but different…

I am happy to be alive, grateful and more in the here and now. I am changing a lot of things and am excited to see what my new ‘normal’ will be like …. watch this space!

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