14 September 2018

One year ago today, I had my first chemo EVER…. I was sooo nervous, tried to do everything right, had a big breakfast despite not being hungry, drank a lot of ginger water (which by now I cannot stand anymore…. just the thought 🤢) and was prepared with a meditation app, a downloaded movie, lots of food and drink, …. and I was surprised how I did not feel anything…. the port needle, yes, they bang it into my chest, but then…. nothing… I should not move while the red ‘Campari’ cocktail is running into my body, as it is extremely aggressive …. it scared me, but I could not feel anything!! And then I went home, ‘waited’ for a reaction, had Mum’s chicken soup (which I can no longer stand either 😉) and it was ok…. nausea, tiredness, but not the vivid pictures of being sick, throwing up all over the place and anything of the pictures that sprang to my mind, when I first heard the word “chemo”. Lucky me!

Today, I am on the train home from visiting my bosom buddy Merle – full of happiness – and then something happens that really touches me…. I change trains and do not notice that I leave my rain coat on the train…. flashback to the day post my diagnosis…. I am on the train to my yoga retreat and leave my red and white checked rain coat, which I love so much…. my first colourful piece in my wardrobe…. and despite a tremendous effort to get it back, I don’t…. not even on EBay…. nothing …. and this summer, I finally buy a new one – bright and yellow! A new favorite piece – a statement of my new life…. I know it somehow sound a bit over the top, but it represents a new beginning for, if you know what I mean!

Thank you to the young man, who runs after me today and returns my coat to me…. history is not repeating itself ❤️ I am returning home clinging onto my coat!

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