23 September 2018

It is my 25 year highschool reunion and I fly through the day in a blur…. it is I am too tired and exhausted.

It is the last day, which adds to the exhaustion of the past week … Mia joins me at 2:00am and Leo at 5:00am and this is the end of my night. There is no possible way I can sleep with two kids piled up on top of me – I enjoy it, don’t get me wrong – but on the other hand I am sooo tired! We make it to seven and I do the early shift with water coloring spread miraculously all over and around our table – what a nightmare and I make buttermilk pancakes, which is a first, but my watercoloured kids love them and the fact that I set off the smoke alarm.

I drive to my parents, have a quick lunch date with my kindergarten friend Katja, which is wonderful despite the fact that I cannot keep my eyes open!

In memory of Rachael, as it was her memorial service, and our classmate Sandra, who we buried earlier this year, I raise of glass, despite the fact that my energy is rock bottom I am so tired. I can barely keep my eyes open but it’s the last stretch I have to manage and after Leo’s birthday – don’t get me wrong I really really enjoyed preparing his birthday – I will rest and relax and do nothing ….absolutely nothing!

I sleep until lunchtime, which is something I must have really needed and is impossible at home. I wish I could meet up with a few class mates again today, have another chat, as there were a few I wanted to talk to, but simply had no time, but I have a cold now and despite all the sleep and coffee, I still cannot keep my eyes open. I love you guys – that you for a wonderful day and night ❤️

Fun fact… My insurance company is already cutting my benefits for the time I am in rehab! The logic behind this is hilarious – they say that because they are not paying for my rehab, as Avene treats me, they cut my benefits…. yeah right… unfortunately my savings have come to an end and I’m in the brutal reality of financial disaster, which often comes along with cancer and being ill for more than a year. Living on health benefits mean living on about 60% of your regular salary. I am OK that they cut the household aid as I’m taking the kids and my mum along for two weeks – that’s OK and we will be fine for week number three, but with sick pay I strongly disagree that I am suddenly not entitled and the insurance company is double saving – now you explain this to me! Right now, I could not be bothered as it’s only money and I overdraw my account and somehow it both falls into place, but I’m really not bothered… or at least I try

Financial problems come along quite naturally with being sick for quite a long time and first of all it is a due to low or no income, but secondly – and here I am fully guilty – shopping is kind of a reward scheme sometimes …. like a friend of mine who told me that he blew all his savings of like €50,000 to buy an expensive car and some watches and any luxury products he always wanted to have, because he didn’t know how much longer he would live and it’s all down to living in the moment and rewarding yourself for what you coping with. Somehow I always felt that going shopping after chemo had something normal, easy and rewarding and yes I did shop too much and yes, I returned some of the things but that could not really mend it 😉

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