9 March 2018

Chemo buddy Claudia reminds me that we had our operations one year ago yesterday…. wow!

At the time, I thought that was it…I had successfully completed all chemos and operations, was blown up by cortisone and my hair – at least at the back of my head – started to grow again! The plan: operation, radiation, rehab and back to work end of summer …. but it doesn’t always go according to plan…. that is one thing I learned quite quickly with cancer – be flexible!

The rest of my tumor was removed along with the tumor beds and my chemo port and the pathologists would analyse the tissue to see, if any tumor cells are left. The magic letters every cancer patient want to hear are PCR (pathological complete remission) meaning that you are officially cancer free! Claudia received her PCR days before me, which made me suspicious! I was right, I did not get the PCR, as they still found active tumor cells. I still consider myself cancer free after my operation though, as the active cells were in the rest of the tumor and that was now in some petri dish in a lab and no longer in my body….

Nevertheless, it meant another five months of chemo pills after radiation, as you simply don’t know, if there are active cells anywhere else.

To add to my troubles, a few days later my operated breast burst and would not stop bleeding…. There was a massive haematoma in my breast and must have had it already leaving hospital! I had mentioned that the operated breast was quite massive, but the doctor, who examined it said “it is nothing to worry, as it is all soft”… I know better now, as this meant massive complications for me and it means that I will need another operation end of this summer.

Instead of being back in my normal life, I am still having to deal with my administrative nightmare that comes along with cancer, struggle financially and have no idea how ‘normal’ life will work, as my energy hit rock bottom months ago…. and still – I am alive and there are a lot of wonderful things in my life apart from all the hassle!

I am a bit swamped at the moment with bits and bobs instead of concentrating on everyday life without a household aid, but I hope it will quiet down and now it is the weekend and I try to recharge my batteries and enjoy quality time with my kids!

Do you fancy a little taste of what has kept me busy yesterday? I have to be with Mia in hospital to prepare for her upcoming operation to remove the metal from her leg, cancel the start of my bisphosphonate therapy in the light of an infection in my jaw, which needs to be fixed beforehand, organise the dental treatments through my dentist and try to get them paid by the insurance company, stupid calls regarding payments I made 2017 & 2018, objecting the insurance decision not to pay my 3D ultrasound, which detected my jaw infection, calls to settle the issues between the rehab social services and the unemployment office, handling bills, my luggage was damaged and I need to return some forms and the pension fund wants to have proof of when I started university 🤦‍♀️…. but I try to do one thing at a time and my priority is to take Mia to hospital and to have lunch with her and the afternoon is reserved to my kids – and despite all the trouble…. that is the only thing that counts – regardless of the fact that I am a wreck by the end of the day and pass out with the kids!

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