My psychological onchologist tells me that I do too much and I should stop comparing my new normal to my old normal….. hmmm…. I am in bed by 8pm most of the nights, hardly go out, reduced my coffee dates to a minimum, but feel that if I further reduce it, I do nothing else but doctor visits and children…. hmmm! Am I suppressing my fears and emotions?!?! … I think about it and look after Mia, who could not go to Kindergarten today 🤔

I have a quiet and easy morning, a long breakfast, read the paper – I think I have not done this for at least a year… I check out, sit in the lobby in the sun, read, write – enjoy the moment!

Art Düsseldorf?!? No, I prefer my own company, can let my mind wander…. I see a Drive Now convertible parked outside the hotel and drive home instead of taking the train…. because I can do anything I want!

This cancer journey has so far been the most intensive experience ever. I am getting to know myself more and more and discover new sides, a more mindful me and see that there is so much more I want to do – and I meditate again – finally! I just needed this little time out more than I though! Thank you HRG colleagues – you are the best!!

Back in my family life, I drop off Leo at a birthday bash and have an ice cream with Mia and Markus, but my finger is throbbing since Friday and swollen and somehow I am a bit weak…. I leave them st the playground and ride my bike home to rest…. I am knackered! But why?!? Probably my cancer fatigue knocking on my door again 😉… oh whatever!

Time out – me time…. I am in Düsseldorf redeeming a voucher my colleagues gave to me – one night in the Radisson Blu Media Habour and I love it!

I kind of did not want to be without the kids, but now that I am here, all is fine… I browse through the city, meet Nina and Lilli for the one year anniversary of the joemerino.com shop Nina works at…. she is my ex neighbour, friend and mother of one of our babysitters – since we never meet in Cologne we do it here. There is fingerfood, champagne and coffee paired with nice company!

Leaving them I feel a bit lonely, but make the most of my date with myself! Let’s see what I will do tonight – maybe just lay in bed, read, watch TV, sleep ….Let’s see, if I manage to visit the Art Düsseldorf tomorrow – no plans yet and breakfast until 11… just me, myself and I ❤️

Hello normality – the aftermaths of my admin marathon diminish during the morning hours, when I have my last calls for now… the rest can wait until next week!

Coffee date with Andrea and Sibel, errands, a trim at CUT and a very quick lunch with Maja before I quickly pick up the kids from Kibdergarten, literally through them with our household aid into the tram and return to Kindergarten for a meeting regarding Mia’s start in this institution this summer. It is all normal and I love it…. but I am slightly out of breath 😉

The highlight this week is the little splint around my finger, which I will keep for 5 weeks now, but which makes life sooo much easier than the massive bandages ….

I am happy and relieved when the Kindergarten teacher says that all is ok, Mia is doing well and my fear that the past year somehow left a trauma was workout any reason…. naturally, as they would have told me, if something was wrong, but I always worry about my children, try for their day to be normal, make sure they have their routines and a lot of Mummy time, love, cuddles and attention, while giving them enough freedom. I don’t want to spoil them, but I feel that I give in more easily at times, spoil them a bit more and I am relieved that to this point they freely talk about my cancer, don’t pay it too much attention, but accept it as a normal part of our life.

I am back on coffee date therapy and spend a lovely morning with Nina, but embedded in an admin chaos.

Two chemobrains want to go to Rehab in January and since we discussed two location, I apply for one and Paula for the other one. I can still correct it, but now the confusion starts… the clinic says that my oncologist shall apply directly and not via the pension insurance …. I try to juggle the information, while visiting the orthopaedist for my finger, my senologist for the chronically illness form, my gynecologist for a lymph drainage referral…. thank goodness my afternoon shall be quieter – I just try to stop at Maja’s before picking up my kids 🤷‍♀️

Yesterday was a normal day…. no cancer, no busy…. just me and normal things… IKEA, kids gym, St. Martins procession with brass music, tears, happy kids and a gathering with kindergarten friends, parents and Glühwein lifts my heart.

This morning it’s „hello cancer fatigue“, but after Avène, I have some days again that I wake up and don’t feel that I just finished a marathon or did not sleep at all…. and that is something that I did not feel since starting radiation in June and it is wonderful… my body can still do normal and hopefully fatigue will diminish or rather stop being my new normal!

Update on my body hair – no hairs legs or arm pits and the fluff in my face, on my hands, feet, arms is slowly disappearing. I will enjoy every moment of not shaving my legs, as I learned that it comes back after a few years…. it is a wonderful advantage though 😉

Today I am back in my cancer routine…:gynaecologist, oncologist, forms, paperwork, running around, but you know what?!? Chemo cycle 8/8 ist starting tomorrow 🎉

#loveyourselfmore – today is me day…. music therapy, psychologist, manicure due to the fact that cutting nails is not one of my best one armed skills, free head and scalp massage, I buy myself a pot of flowers for the balcony and some clothes …. without trying them on… and a Poke bowl!

I started the day in a miserable mood, but now I feel stronger, positive and I look forward to picking up my kids and doing something fun with them ❤️…. probably at home…. the beautiful day decided to be a rainy one.

Today I ignore the paperwork, do just a minimum of calls and try to be more in the here and now!

Enjoy your life – live the moment!

#karneval #loveoflife #yolo #mutanker #brustkrebsfreundin #grussansleben

#nomorewordsneeded – join the #unfollowme movement! Show your colours… zero tolerance for racism!

Thumbs up – I sit in ER to get my bandage renewed… pathetic, but my fingers thank me, as they can slowly shrink back to normal size!