1 October 2017

Oh my god – Markus and the kids have gone swimming and I shower. OK, I did expect that more and more hair will be falling out and the hair everywhere is really annoying, but that was quite a shock after the I dried my hair!! The rest has to go asap!

Katja says not to shave it completely, as her husband did it and she had spots afterwards… pfewww…

It is marathon, which Christina and I ran a few years back together and now are have another project we will be doing together… We have coffee until the kids are home, so they can participate in this head shaving fest!

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30 September 2017

We are celebrating Paula and Leos birthday at Paula’s and I just have to show up – thank you Andrea! I am sick, but the food helps today!

The hair is really falling out a lot – I can still hide the bold little patches, but I am glad Christina is shaving my head the next day!IMG_4458

28 September 2017

Chemo nurse Frau Fassbender wasn’t there the last time and I like her straight away! „You are being expected!“ – Katja has reserved a seat for me and I unpack the pretzels I brought along – Katja brought some M&Ms and we are ready to go. It is amazing how many parallels there are – same gynocologist, same wig lady, same doctor, diagnose exactly one month before me, works for a travel agency and apart from all that – we just get along and have the same attitude! I think some of the patients are a bit annoyed that we are chatting away, but after a while we get a bit tired anyway … not from talking, but from the infusions 😉 Katja is on her 6th chemo, but she does the smaller ones, which you do weekly and therefore leaves an hour earlier than me, which is ok as well.

It gives me time to watch the people, who come in and out – all walks of life, but it touches me that some seem so fragile and weak.

My dentist told me to use a special toothpaste during chemo, Katja uses a special hand creme ….and what really shocks me – her insurance company refused to pay her medical bill for the PAN clinic and said to her husband „your wife has an 80% chance of surviving and therefore might as well have waited for another week until an appointment in Holweide would have been available“ – can you believe it!?!?!?

The sickness is still there this time, but I cope with it without additional medication and I am fine.

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27 September 2017

The wig is just ready in time – after tomorrow my hair will start falling out. To be honest – I feel so much more comfortable with my pixie cut…. oh well, this way I can always have longer hair again, when I feel like it in the future.

I will have to go for another fitting and a cut once all hair is gone!

Actually I am not really bothered at the moment about loosing hair – as my brother said „you will have no hair for 6 months – look at me, I will be bold for the rest of my life!“

The mom friends Simone, Andrea, Alexa and Christiane make it a habit to give me regular presents e.g. a little wristband to get me through chemo, Lea (Leo’s best friend Carla’s mom), leaves a large basket with fruit, juice and chocolate after chemo number one and a pile of magazines for chemo number two…. I love you all ❤

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25 September 2017

Leo will be 3 tomorrow and I am almost done with all the preperations – super proud of my cake!!

I try to organise everything to make it a special day and invite some family and friends.

The thing with this situation is that suddenly I am in very close contact with people I least expected it. Other people, who I thought woud be there, suddenly disappear – I have a change of perspective and this shall intensify, as I go along.

One highlight during this experience so far, is Nick, who I used to date 20 years ago. He lives 11 time zones away, yet is becoming one of my major pillars during this time. Maybe because of the distance, I can easier talk to him than to my friends close by. Thank you for being there!

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23 September 2017

Another visit to the wig shop… this time I bring along Markus and the kids and my cousin Sylvie. I am aware that I have to pay some extra to have a nicer wig, but the one I like is €1.600 !!??!! It is not even real hair… WOW! If I should ever loose my hair permanently, I know where to go now, but considering that this is only for 6 months and I am not even sure, if I will ever wear it, I go for a cheaper option 😉

22 September 2017

Leo and I go to CUT to make the transitions from curls to bald as smoothly as possible – especially for the kids. Maja cuts a bit off and Leo as well. It is a fun event and I love my pixie cut – pity I will only have it for a week or so…. I am really touched, when Anna doesn’t want to charge me ❤️ Thank you!

This is the day I post my story in Facebook and I am overwhelmed by the love and support, which I get from everywhere around the world!

The reason I spread the news is not only to make people aware, but also to let them know that this is a normal part of my life now and that they can openly talk to me about it – additionally they will not be shocked, when I am suddenly bald 😉 and since I talk a lot anyway, it would be weird to not talk about this either – it actually helps me a lot as well to cope with it!

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21 September 2017

It is always one week after chemo that I will get the blood levels checked – they check the leukozyten, HB and Thrombozyten and all is ok. My collegue Miri is getting married and I managed for her not to find out yet that I am ill – lovely weeding!

I actually cannot sleep very well, as my shoulder (the one where the port is) cramps at night and the sentinels are still swollen – what really really helped me though was to sleep on a hot water bottle for a few nights. Prof. Dr. Breidenbach sends me to have lymph drainage, which should help with the numb bits around the sentinels and the left arm as well.

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20 September 2017

Fiffy time – we try some of the wigs, which were ordered for me. Artificial hair wigs have all different feels and colors – you can even get them with grown out roots or a few grey hairs in them 😉

They measure your head, try to match your hair, then they order a wig, cut it to match your style and add the waves – you wash it by hand and put it on a rag to dry… if it is real hair, you have to put it on curlers each time you wash it… obviously no option!

Reading the „Why does Mom wear a cap during summer“ book gets a bit easier… I still cry now and then, but Leo and I get into a routine and he wants to read it all the time now.

Steffi’s first day with us – she will be with us five days a week, four hours a day to help with the household and kids – she is half italian and can cook 🙂

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18 September 2017

I am at PAN Klinik to see Prof. Dr. Breidenbach for a post operation check-up. There is this bald girl waiting with me and I ask about her hat in order to start a conversation, as she seems nice – meet Katja – we are the same age, she also has a small child and we happen to both have the chemos in pioh on Thursdays…. we quickly exchange numbers – yipehhh, found myself a chemo buddy!

Prof. Dr. Breidenbach tells me that the sentinals were ok – this is excellent news!!! The cancer has not spread in the rest of my body and from what she can see on the ultrasound, the tumor is softer already, which means the chemo is doing it’s job… yipehhhh again!

The bad news is that the second tumor was also aggressive, which means that the whole breast is actually effected and will probably need to be removed and they don’t know, if they can keep the nipple. Whatever needs to be removed, will be removed, but as far as I am concerned, I will do one step at a time and concentrate on the chemo first.

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