Coffee…. a lot of Coffee! Gosh, I need it…. I was out last night in Suderman’s Winterwonderland, in bed in the wee hours of the morning and I am a tired, but happy chappy girl today….

What do I do?!? Coffee dates with my LaufMamaLauf girls, with Maja and in between I even manage to write my first Christmas cards… yeah!

Leo has a friend over this afternoon, Mia has gymnastics and I am going to the opera tonight with my cousin Sylvie! Oh whatever….I will go iceskating with the kids tomorrow and I might pack, as kindergarten is closed on Friday…. somehow it always all falls into place…. sometimes 😉 so far, nothing can destroy my calm and the paperwork can wait! It is Christmas!

Thinking of my friend in Bremen ❤️

Thank you, Rui Camilo for the pictures – they remind of our inspiring #mutmacherin workshop in Cologne with DKMS LIFE ❤️❤️❤️

My alternative practitioner visit was refreshing…. apparently my ‚metal‘ is very ‚active‘ as I am letting a friend go…. hmmm…. or it might be a cold 🤔 Nevermind, I probably have paperwork I should do, and calls I should make, receipts I need to prove, forms I should fill…. but instead, I am off to lunch with my little English bunch and tonight – I will go out – yeah, baby!

#gibachtaufdich – #lookafteryourself…. that is my theme and my onchological psychologist reckons that I am doing not too bad.

It is the time of the year that a lot of people stress…. but why? Instead of enjoying quality time with family and friends, they rush around buying presents that probably everyone could easily live without… write cards to people they don’t care about, but feel obliged, go to events the feel they have to go!

Everyone can find their own way, but I don’t do presents (apart from the kids and we try to keep it to a minimum…. big fail this year 😉). I only started cards after I had kids and really only send them to people I want to send them to and if it is February that is fine with me…. I enjoy seeing friends and family at Christmas, slowing down and the magic! Give smiles & love instead of presents and enjoy this special time of the year ❤️

Jolly jolly times…. there it is – our first snow this year and the kids go crazy and build with next to nothing a snowman! Underneath the snow is a letter… a reply to the letter the kids wrote last night – thank goodness it was waterproof ink 😉

We actually went to a family service at Luther church with all our friends and their kids and it was wonderful! Church is not my cup of tea and that is why I am member of this church… they are open minded and different. Not only are regular concerts in this church with lights, sounds and a bar, lectures and events, they also marry gay couples, are open for anything and are very close to the community.

In other words, even if I have almost never been since the Christening of my kids, even if I am not a church fan, this church makes me feel homey and I actually love it! Thank you Kulturkirche – as we leave church, after singing and dancing with the kids, there is a little Christmas market outside and we have food, mulled wine and Santa strolls through the crowd…. we meet the friends and acquaintances, there is a wee bit of snow, but city kids consider this being enough for a snowball fight! My heart is filled with joy!

We spend the afternoon at our friend Simone’s, I actually brought some pencils to draw more window pictures for her and with her and I am happy! Oh jolly jolly Christmas time! At the end all four kids play happily together…. oh joy!

Oh and yes, we normally light our tree on the 24th, but I want to enjoy it as long as I can and therefore it is now fully lit 24/7 and our friend Michael will be the first to admire it with a little glass of wine tonight 😉

Enjoying the Christmas magic, cutting a tree (next year we will use one of the environmental friendly alternatives 😉), having mulled wine and spending quality time with my kids at Gut Clarenhof ❤️…. and this afternoon, we are decorating the tree, fill the room with Christmas tunes and eat tons of cookies 🤗

Please don’t spoil the magic….we walk through the night, we see angel hair and is that Santa’s sledge far far away or just a star…. the Christmas star or just any star?!? How many more sleeps?!?

What is my biggest wish?!? For me, I don’t have any apart from living a long life, as I have all I want, when I see the excited eyes of my children… best time of the year ❤️

And the cookie baking nightmare this morning is replaced by the joy that the last issue of our flooding damage from April 2017 was repaired today – horray – one chapter I can finally close! I turn off the oven, put the rest of the dough in the fridge and take a nap!

Photocredit: Recover your Smile

Paperwork, calls, you name it…. I do a tiny weeny bit, but spend this lovely day in Christmas spirit, colouring window paintings, making cookie dough and taking it easy! Paperwork, see you tomorrow, I needed chillaxing at home and me time 😉

What a day! Kindergarten talk, doctor, wedding of our household aid Jessica, Christmas presents done and dusted and I am on my way to pick up four kids…. with our other household aid! Pfeww….

Yesterday I received the film, which documented my stay in Avène and it brought back all the nice memories – it is not to be shared, but once there is something I can share, I certainly will!

My Cologne cancer bloggers Christmas gathering was lovely and Leo loves his little police bear, who „protects us from burglars now“! Whoohooo… thank you, Don!

Wow – I love my Recover your Smile pictures…. it is not only the photos – this experience was magic and I am grateful that I was invited to be part of this!!

Recover your smile boosts our self confidence, let’s us spend a magic day together, connects us and creates memories and pictures that last forever! Thank you, Recover your Smile!!

This is a charity worthwhile supporting – Christmas is around the corner …. if you want to donate something anyway, here is an idea 😉

Coffee – I love you, I need you!

I am at my gynaecologist and all is ok. She has no time for a breast ultrasound, but at least checks them manually and checks everything else. All is in good order! Yeah!

She could do a breast ultrasound, but thinks that it does not feel unusual … the physio therapist, only sees the moment and works on the issue and last time, it was better after a few days and the senologist could no longer see anything. This is why I am not concerned to wait until January 9 with a breast ultrasound, when my senologist will check it, as I could not get an appointment with my gynaecologist beforehand anyway….

I have time for a quick coffee at Café Petit Noir, watch the rushing turmoil in the street, the violinists, who quickly kiss goodbye, as their bikes part in different directions. It is only a glimpse of a moment, but there is so much love in the air that it touches me. I feel the love, but at the same time, I feel alone…. quickly finish my coffee and rush to music therapy and my psychologist. Maybe it is just my tiredness, which triggers this melancholy 😉

Music therapy cheers me up, we sing Christmas carols…. I drift away during ‚last christmas‘, but I am in a jolly mood, eat cookies and I my spirit is bright as the sky, when the sun pushes away the clouds for a brief moment… no more therapy until January, but I might go and see Norbert Hermanns in the opera….. with a happy Feliz Navidad, we all part and I will truly miss it!

The onchological psychotherapy leaves me sad and confused, but she says that during the call with my doctor’s receptionist my helplessness was probably present for the first time since my diagnosis…. a feeling I successfully pushed away all along, but that is what cancer is all about – being helpless! Let’s me realistic – cancer is the boss in this game and even if medicine is very advanced, research amazing, there is no cure… there is a high success rate, when it comes to breast cancer statistics, but you just never know on what side of the statistic you are….and you need to live with it! Apart from my emotional outbreak, I am optimistic though and let’s face it – it always helps to let your feelings and emotions out! At least for me….

This afternoon I will collect my last energy and my kids and enjoy the Christmas time (I upgraded my tree decoration stock on the way home and cannot wait to decorate our tree 🤗)….I want a tree now!