I promise the kids pancakes and as a result I am really stressed this morning, have no breakfast, rush Leo to Kindergarten and run to hospital….

Today, cancer life is back with an osteoporosis test …. osteopenia is a mild form of osteoporosis and considering my age, the bones are too fragile, but I guess this is a normal level considering the chemos I have been through and I am being referred to my doctor…. hmmm.

I am exhausted, the night was horrible and yet, I will see what the morning brings…. but first coffee! I stop at Café Schmitz and enjoy a bit of quietness and me time. Yes, I could be home with Mia, but I need some energy to look after her!

Having a sick child at home, means that I have no free time, when at home and by the looks of it, she will be home for another three weeks and I simply lack the energy, as I still have all my doctor appointments and admin to cope with too. I want to be there for my child, wish I could simply chill with her all day.

I receive my rehab paperwork and it exhausts me, but I finish all the paperwork and get it on the way! I am longing to go to rehab, but dreading to be away from the kids ….. the plan is that they come and stay nearby during week two, but I need to organise that!

I am anxious due to my appointment with Prof. Dr. Breidenbach tomorrow – when will the staging be done? What do I need to do for follow-up care? When? How? I will hopefully get all my answers I have been waiting for since December.

I will go home now and chill with Mia until I need to pick up Leo and any other issues, paperwork, calls and to dos will simply be ignored!

Hamburg, Hyperion Hotel

• 1 weekend

• 2 night

• 4 short hair girls

• 4 boobs

• 8 t-shirts

• too much food

• even more drinks

Talking, talking, talking! Being silly, sentimental, hysterical and emotional, loud and quiet, wild and still, but overall…. together – celebrating friendship and life, ups and downs, highs and lows and simply being together!

My throat is still sore – Love you, girls!

Yes, we can! Yes, we do! Yes, we look after ourselves! We live!… ‚til we meet again!

Oh, what a Night….

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Four short hair girls celebrating life and normal things… singing, dancing and drinking! •

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Cancer connects us, but there is no room for cancer, just for a lot of life! Happy days! And thank goodness for breakfast until 12:00!

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#alive #happy #bosombuddies #busenfreundinnen #möwinnen

#together #hamburg #krebsblogger #cancerblogger

The operation to remove the screws in my finger is a ten minute deal… however…. I spend hours in hospital, have a bed and need to get completely changed, four attempts are needed to find a proper vein including chumping and poking and I had it! Ahhhhhh!!!

I don’t want any more needles, I am far from getting used to it, it gets worse and worse…. chemo ruins your veins and an empty stomach makes it worse….

There is another breast operation lined up, but that will be in May or June and for now, I only care to see that Mia is happily being spoiled rotten by my Mum and that I can see my bosom buddies tonight without feeling like a bad mum!

My day is full of doctor appointments, I am seeing my dentist at 7pm and I need to be 7:00am in hospital for my operation, but that is ok, because Mia is a super trooper, Mum will arrive tonight and I am packed to leave for Hamburg after my operation tomorrow to see my bosom buddies!

We have come a long way…. breast cancer with kids, chemos, operations, some said good bye to at least one boob and we were in this emotional rollercoaster ride together, sent endless videos to each other in every situation…. you are my rocks, my therapy group and most of all – my friends…. and we said we will all meet to celebrate that the cancer journey is over!

Things went a bit pear-shaped and what was supposed to happen this summer with sun, sand and lots of drinks, is happening now in freezing cold Hamburg, but the spirit is the same! We will celebrate life and to be alive and to have each other!

Girls, I cannot wait! Whooohooo!!

No matter how busy you are …. yes, I forgot it – #feelitonthefirst! Make sure you check your breasts, boys and girls… it can save your life – it certainly saved mine and I only found my knot accidently as I NEVER checked my boobs!

And boy, I am so busy…. we are now trapped between doctors appointments for an immobile Mia (who is soooo brave, but still in a lot of pain) and my finger operation and its preparation, physio therapy, lymph drainage, dentist appointments and getting a referral from my gynaecologist for my senologist for a new sick note for January…. and I am soooo tired!

I call the rehab clinic and receive the info that my rehab starts February 6th, which is a relief, as there is no way I would have gone into rehab leaving a sick child at home. On top of it, I am only allowed to go swimming after the threads have been removed from my finger end of this month! Anyone else in Todtmoos in February?!?! It looks a bit idyllic like Avène and now I really look forward to the snow covered black forrest ❤️

It helps a lot that Leo is in Kindergarten as of today and has been invited to one of his friends this afternoon! Markus took half the day off, which gives me some time to organise everything…. Pfew! I actually rest a bit this afternoon after organizing my rehab with my insurance company and my employer and yes…. more paperwork! I let our household aid play with Mia, who is sitting, laughing and bubbling away…. my heart warms to see her like this!

I am still planning to go to Hamburg for the weekend, if Mia is better, because Mum will be here to help out and I need it…. but I take it day by day at the moment! Babysteps!

PS: my colleague wondered, where I got the black eye from…. it’s dark circles, honey 😉

I heard about Kim for the first time one year ago – because she died, because she had breast cancer, because she was too young, because she inspired and it hit me in the face….

Why?!? It is horrible, yes, but on top of it, it made me realize that….

– you are never too young for breast cancer

– you should look after yourself and insist to get properly checked, if you feel something is wrong

– it does not matter how strong, positive, etc. you are, you cannot fight cancer – it does not play fair and it has it’s own rules

– how big and strong this Instagram community is – at this point I only knew about 5 breast cancer accounts

It scared the hell out of me and I was sitting in Luxembourg in a youth hostel crying my eyes out and I could not stop thinking about Kim…. who I never met, never heard of, did not know….

Her message lives on though through all of us, through Blogger4Charity and her partner Chris: Look after yourself, if you think that something is wrong, go to the doctor…. insist to be checked properly and if you don’t feel comfortable, change your doctor!

Unfortunately, it was the first of many deaths in 2018 – Amy, Sandra, Rachael….

Today I am tired, hungover, I have a sick child and am sentimental….

Thank goodness Simone and her family stop by, as Mia’s mobility goes as far as sitting for a bit, which slows us down a lot and it rains….the only thing I do is baking pancakes and making cookie dough for tomorrow, while I enjoy being close to my kids, watching a movie and chilling, I am exhausted and still in my pyjamas (which is quite handy, as I don’t need to get changed now before going to bed 🥴). Have a great start into 2019!

Photo credit: Recover your Smile e.V.

We arrive at home this afternoon and I am exhausted, but happy to be here and equally scared, as I have no clue as to what lays ahead of us!

I take a 15 minute space mask rest – which promises miracles, intergalactic relaxation and the kind of space escape I am longing for – and then we will gently walk over to Simone’s for a cosy and quiet New Year’s Eve!

There are a lot of moments in 2018 I could have easily done without, reoccurrences and losses of friends and cancer buddies that devastated and scared me, sad times, illnesses and injuries and a lot of heartbreak, but I am grateful to be able to look back and say that it was an amazing year! My life is enriched with wonderful moments and amazing people! I have exceeded my own limitations, I am so much stronger and hopefully a better person, went out of my comfort zone and continued to change my life, my routines and habits….

I can be cool as a cucumber, when everyone is rushing around (and even though it drives some people mad, it feels right to me to do things in my own speed) and then I am back at juggling all tasks at once, but the direction is the right one and I definitely look more after myself and voice my needs.

And I want to do good and make a difference, continue to talk about cancer, break the tabu, engage myself in more charity work and motivate people to look after themselves. Have a wonderful 2019, you all and thank you for being there, for supporting and enriching my life! It has been a ball – most of the time – and I appreciate that you did not only go with me through the highs, but also through the lows! Onwards and upwards – I am ready to take off …. after some well deserved rest at my own pace in a mindful way spiked with more regular meditations than lately…. ❤️ look after yourself ❤️

Picture credit: Recover your Smile e.V.

Still in hospital…. it only took them a full day to x-ray Mia and it will probably take them another one for the accident surgeons to talk to us 😉

Mia is in good hands though, gets regular medication after she was in a lot of pain yesterday and is quite jolly… she just cannot move and I have no instruction yet as to what she is allowed to do and therefore we are just laying around!

To add to my drama run, I lost a filling last night, but hopefully we can leave hospital today! Our New Years trip has been cancelled and we are just happy not to be in hospital for New Year’s Eve, but if we are…. oh whatever!

My brother sent a „Mia is in hospital“ book along with a Playmobil „Kid in hospital“ set…. and we are reading and she is allowed to watch Peppa pig – no rules in hospital 😉 Rene, who works here, Mum, Markus and Leo visited yesterday and that is as much distraction as we can handle right now!