I had my end of therapy exam with Dr. Petite yesterday! The skin is amazingly hydrated, the scar tissue in my breast shrank to 1/3 of it’s original size, the scars are all softer and my feet look soo much better! The chemo I take right now attacks the hands and soles of my feet, you get elefant skin and it bursts, but with this booster, I am ready to face my last two chemo cycles! Thank you, Avène ❤️

Chemo cycle 7/8 hast started…. despite the fact that I relaxed sooo much that I must get my head around to regularly taking the pills again, it is a wonderful feeling that the end is near! The finish line is this close ….

Being an unfair player, cancer pushed this line further for others – Sam seems to have lung metas…. she was in remission and started anti hormone therapy…. she is in her 20s!! She is strong as hell though and faces this amazingly brave and in her usual stylish way! Please look after yourself!

Full moon, baby! I am exhausted, but I have another two days to rest and relax…. awwww 🤗

Inner beauty is certainly key, when loosing your outer looks. Especially during my completely hairless days, it was essential for me to use make-up in order not to look like a pale version of Dobby the House Elf…or to at least have eyebrows. It is just facial hair, but loosing them was the worst for me…. I’d shave my head any day, but I love my eyebrows and lashes!

Today is my make-up seminar day at the Avène Thermal clinic. Did you know that look good feel better has a different name here? Oh, well, the French – it is called Belle & Bien, but it’s the same thing!

This is not one of these seminars, but I use the opportunity to draw your attention to these seminars. It is breast cancer awareness month and I introduce organizations that are active in this field and look good feel better is one of them! Whether you are in therapy or not, check them out…. they bring patients together and make them literally look good and feel better! Promise! They are held in a lot of hospitals all over the world, they are complimentary and you get to keep all the make-up products donated by renown brands – including Avène!

In Germany DKMS LIFE runs them and they are doing a wonderful job at it ❤️ Avène is one of the company, who supports them not only with products, but also financially through campaigns and train the beauticians, who are all volunteers… DKMS LIFE is entirely funded by donations!

It’s a wrap! We are shooting the final scenes today between my therapy, massage and Pilates and I am returning to normal cure life! It was great to work with Avène, but so am really tired now and look forward to my last two days in Avène…. amazing how time flies.

Résumé so far: My cancer fatigue generally improves though…. my tiredness has normal days now and I continue to make the most of the rest of my cure and it will include my digital detox windows 😉

My muscle tension, specially around the left breast/ shoulder improved a lot and the scar tissue is a lot softer.

The skin is more hydrated and the skin on my feet is softer…. it is still like elefant skin, but maybe baby elefant 😉

General mindset – I am calm and relaxed!

Tonight I am meeting with the other patients in my hotel, as Avène invites all for an aperitif …. and I realize that I seem to be the only cancer patient living in the hotel! Lucky me!! It will be nice to spend more time with them though!

It’s a wrap…. tomorrow we will film the last little scenes and then I have more time again for writing, relaxing and myself, but for now I am grateful to be distracted, as my bosom buddy Paula is waiting to find out, if she has skin metas and the pathology results will only be ready tomorrow and not as promised today….

waiting waiting waiting…. it is like a never ending story with cancer! You spend endless hours in waiting rooms, for scans, more important the results and despite the fact that you somehow develop a routine, it is horrible! Distraction is key and here we go:

Today my highlights are the medical make-up Seminar, which I had privately today for the film, but which I will have with some other patients Friday. It is really nice and I learn new tricks – which is inevitable, as the skin often shows what the body has been through and the acne and skin irritations are normal. I was lucky, but hey, I make an effort and a little spot decides to grow five minutes prior to the seminar 😉

The other set today is the Pierre Fabre lab, where I learn about the thermal springs and how the quality is monitored!

And just as I want to post it, the message arrives…. Paula has no metas 🎉🎉🎉🎉 I cannot stop crying… whooohooooo!

Stardom is hard business 😂😂😂

I have a super nice day with a tour around the Avène production site – which was shut down, but we will probably see it live in action tomorrow! Then therapy and lunch and another therapy session for the interview and photos…. I really enjoyed it, now I rest and look forward to yet another nice dinner…. now that’s the life 😉

It is quite funny, when you think that the photos should all be about wellbeing, therapy and beauty and you actually look like Hannibal Lector, but so am sure Matthias Fuchs will turn it into something nice…. or I rather hope so 😂

To be honest, I am really grateful for the distraction and it is fun!

Got stuck with a TV series yesterday….. but I needed it along with a glass of red wine and today I feel much better today …. there is a hint of a cold left and I listen to my body and take it easy!

Today is ME day – I have a lay in, a relaxed breakfast and not only is the breakfast great, they try for local and regional supplies. The lady, who delivers the fruit and home made jams and spreads, lives up the hill in a little village and the juices are produced locally. It feels right….

The bar is empty now and I play or rather practice on the grand piano….“Halleluja“, but there is no religious thought behind it – it is the Cohen version…. I like Leonard Cohen, but the reason is really that it is one of the easy playing songs and a nice alternative to „Pour Elise“….

For me, it means so much more though…. meditation, happiness, tranquility…. I had this longing to play for a long time and used my first maternity leave for piano lessons. Now I think I need to get my old piano to Cologne and I want to paint it in a bright colour – never mind the neighbours….I always wanted that….the firsts guests enter the bar and I finally go outside.

With all the rain of the last weeks, being locked in the hotel, felt a bit like being at sea – the narrow wooden terrace resembling the deck, the shape of the hotel is sleek and round, light and spacious with large windows. It did not feel that we were stuck in there, but it brought us together and I really enjoyed the intensive moments with my kids – without distraction.

It is a beautiful sunny autumn day. Instead of running, I just sit by the river…. listening to the river rippling, while the sun kisses my face and a light breeze sweeps through the golden foliage…. peace, light, calm – I meditate and indulge in the moment…. and this afternoon, I will draw – I brought some water colours – …. maybe….. Let’s see how it flows – have an happy Sunday 🙏

Oups….. Gaby Wurth, Marketing & Communication Director at Pierre Fabre and the journalist Matthias Fuchs just arrived – off we go to shoot some material and spend a lovely afternoon in the now beautifully sunny Avène and it’s scenic surroundings presented in the most beautiful fall foilage 😉

Check out Serena William’s Video for #breastcancerawareness…. not only does it fit my mood, but it ties in quite nicely with the German campaign #brustbewusst – #chestconscious – by Pink Ribbon Germany and Regina Halmich.

Check out Pink Ribbon Germany – who raise awareness for breastcancer, self-awareness and self-care! Check yourself and speak about it!

(Scroll down for English)

#GibAchtaufDich – eine Aktion der Kooperationsgemeinschaft Mammographie für den Brustkrebsmonat Oktober, aber es ist so viel mehr! Ja, natürlich ist ein Punkt, dass die Frauen über 50 regelmäßig am Screening Programm teilnehmen, aber was ist mit den jungen Frauen…. Brustkrebs diskriminiert nicht – es kann jeden treffen und in jedem Alter. Stillen, Schwangerschaft, nichts schützt Dich!

Also, achtet auf Euch, checkt Eure Brüste am 1. eines Monats und wenn Euch etwas suspekt ist, dann geht zum Arzt! Werdet Ihr gründlich untersucht? Jeder Knoten kann eine Zyste sein, aber ein Abtasten reicht nicht, sondern es muss geschallt werden!! Und lasst Euch nicht abwimmeln mit einem „Sie sind ja viel zu jung für Brustkrebs“ – #nevertooyoung. Bleibt beharrlich und wechselt den Arzt, wenn Ihr Euch nicht gut aufgehoben fühlt ❤️

Was wird eigentlich in der Vorsorge bei jungen Frauen gemacht? Tastet Ihr Euch ab? Ich hab es nie gemacht und ich meine nie – niemals… ehrlich nicht ein Mal…. ich hab den Knoten zufällig entdeckt – was ein Glück!

#gibachtaufdich umfasst aber soviel mehr – es beginnt mit Selbstliebe, Respekt, Achtsamkeit und sich einfach mal was Gutes tun, sich Zeit für sich selber nehmen, wann hast Du Dir das letzte Mal was Gutes getan? Geh in die Wanne, zur Massage, mach Sport, meditiere oder geh auf die Rolle und lass es krachen, tanze im Regen, feier bis die Sonne aufgeht – die Sonne putzen haben wir immer gesagt – und LEBE!

#Lookafteryourself – is a campaign initiated by the German mammogram screening cooperation, but mammograms are only a little part of our message! Yes, it is important to go and participate, if you are 50 and older, but what about the younger ones?!? Breast cancer does not discriminate – everyone can get it at any age! Pregancy, nursing – nothing will actually protect you!

Therefore, look after yourself, check your breast every first of the month and if something is suspicious, go and see a doctor! Are you being examined properly? Every lump can be a cyst, but feeling it is simply not enough, it needs to be sounded!! Don‘t let them brush you off for being „too young for breast cancer“ – #nevertooyoung. Insist on being checked properly or change your doctor, if you don‘t feel that you are in good hands ❤️

What prevention is in place for younger women? Do you check yourself regularly? Make sure you check yourself and look after yourself! I found my lump by accident – lucky me – as I never ever checked myself …. honestly not a single time!

#lookafteryourself is so much more though. Selflove, respect, mindfulness and just treating yourself to something good, have a date with yourself and when was the last time you spoilt yourself?!? Take a bath, have a massage, do sports, meditate or go out, let your hair down, dance in the rain, party until the sun is rising and LIVE!

#gibachtaufdich #brustkrebsfrueherkennung #mammographiescreening #gutinformiertentscheiden #breastcancerawareness #diemammomaedels

#throwbackthursday – me at LaufMamaLauf pumpkin training 18 October of last year.

Despite being a sportive failure by all means, hiding my insecurity with humor and feeling insecure in my body, sport has always played a major role in my wellbeing and I continue throughout my treatment to be active and attend my sports classes with the running mamas, do yoga as much as I can and ride my bike everywhere…. as time progressed I also started to run again (which actually had nothing to do with cancer that I didn’t, but rather with a not very supportive pelvic floor after my two pregnancies, which did not get better during chemo).

While I used to do sports to have the body I wanted sometimes in the future, I changed over time and use the benefits of sport in the here and now. Weight has always ruled my life, my mood and my self image and despite the fact that I now weigh almost 10kg more than in this picture, I am more secure than when I weighted 20kg less… I would lie, if I’d say that I totally accept my body the way it is now, but I found peace with it for the moment and know that there are more important things. If I manage to loose the weight again, I will be very happy, but it is not the only way to secure happiness. I am happy to be alive and I enjoy the here and now more than aiming for a future me.

„I am sure that it will go away again and you will be ok again“ is something that hurts me, when I mention that I am the heaviest I have ever been…. yes, I am not the skinny athletic beauty, but why do I have to loose it again to be ok. My personality did not change? I don’t want to waste any more time to strive for a future physical me …. It is a battle, but I have come a long way already to accept my new normal and it adds so much quality to my life. I try to abandon what I should be and try more to be what I am and what I can be.

Yesterday, as part of the Avène post cancer treatment programme, I once again attend pilates with Bruno – I missed the info last time, that this one and a half hour series of exercises was especially designed for cancer patients. There are a few familiar faces now and I am at ease – also because I feel that it is not as hard as last week and there are my new cancer mummy friends from the group therapy. The cancer folks are all French, as 80% of the patients, but the rest is beautiful international from Kuala Lumpur, Senegal, South Africa, Kambodia, Australia, Japan, USA, HongKong….. and I love it!

Sports or just being out and about was one of my key motivators …. it is not only that the side effects of chemo are apparently less, when you are active, the chemo also works better, says my onchologist!

I am very tired, but we all decelerate in this picturesque little valley near Avène and enjoy the tranquility and the time together ❤️

Chemo cycle 6/8 is in the books …. I actually look forward to one week without pills and I get ready to face the two more rounds and give my feet and hands extra pampering in the meantime 😉

What a tough day it was yesterday … emotionally – I need a while to digest it and I have a restless night.

The Avène post cancer treatment also caters to the emotional side effects of the therapy and after the Art Therapy last week, I am attending two group sessions with the psychologist – the discussion café and the photolangage session.

The discussion café is a round table with other patients, where each tells her story…. mainly breast cancer stories and mainly positive and strong stories of descending out of the cancer fiercely, but also broken, there are tears and sadness, when the sacrifices are being discussed, the weight that lays on the children, the loneliness, people, who leave us, the fatigue, the emotional rollercoaster rides …. we all cry, but feel empowered by the strength and positivity and the last lady to tell her stories, faces us again with the horrors and the unfairness of cancer.

She is sixty and has a rare blood condition and head and back pain proved to be metastasis …. all over her body with no possibility of treatment, as chemo and radiotherapy are not possible due to her blood condition and no doctor wants to take the risk. She is strong, emotional and positive and it scares me once again, as I look into the ugly face of cancer…. I hate you!

Straight away, we enter into the photolangage, but I am the only person who stays. Three new patients arrive, one, who I know from Art Therapy and there are plenty of photos layed out on the table in front of us. We have to choose four pictures each that we feel drawn to…and after the second women tells her story, we all cry….I am more emotional since having had my diagnosis and it is enough for me for the day. The last woman does not even manage to tell her story and we all leave drenched and very emotional. Yes, it helps, I am sure, but it is a process to face your emotions and for me, I have to think about it all night.

On a brighter note – the sun is out….. I start the morning tired, but positive and close my eyes as the sun rays touch my face. The valley shimmers in the brightest colours and we are eager to go outside, walk around, maybe play minigolf and just enjoy our time together until my Pilates class.

Having the kids here, does not leave me any time to myself outside the therapy and classes, but I am happy to spend quality time with them and the last week I will be all by myself and I look forward to that too.

Check out Stella McCartney’s breast cancer awareness campaign – it fits in well with the amazing women I met yesterday….