Infusion and injection day at the chemo center. It is the last one of the post chemo shots I get, as it is no longer needed with the next cycle… whoohhooo!

I am spending more than two hours there though, as there are two public holidays coming up next week and everyone needs their stuff beforehand.

Well, the next cylce of chemos will be weekly now – only one poison and five drugs – should take a good three hours to run through. Need to now put a special nail polish on „Sililevo“ to save the nails and will get cooling gloves during the chemo to lessen the numb feeling in my fingers. It starts 9th November and I am hoping to be fit enough 11th to celebrate Karneval!!?!??

The last chemo date will be 25th of January, if all goes well and I am planning to go on a trip in the snow and trip in the sun…. Should I be fit enough! But I need something to look forward to to get me going.

Nurse Fassbender say that I have done really well so far and asks about my feelings, if I am thin-skinned now and I tell her that it is not the physical aspect, which is so hard, but the emotional bit – yes, thin-skinned absolutely, light tempered, restless, extremely emotional and sensitive …. I often don’t recognise myself and today is one of these days again! Wanted to meet Lars today, but had to cancel…See, if some fresh air will help 😉

What a lovely autumn day – I meet the running moms, have lots of coffee in the sun and hang with Hannah. In the afternoon Manish is in Cologne and we have share a great trip down memory lane with tapas and wine 🙂

I hope I will be fit enough on Saturday to see him and the guys in Frankfurt….after another look at it, the insurance company has decided to pay for Katja’s operation!!

Sometimes I get numb fingertips from chemo – this is to the extend that I could not open my bike lock the other day – it is also good to wear nail polish, as the nails get brittle and there can be air underneath your nails… I certainly hope that this won’t be happening again, but I am up-to-date with the blog, so whatever happens happens.

It is again two days prior to chemo and I am trying to pack in as much as I can! Today it is yoga massage and lymph drainage, which I really enjoy!

It is the big day, where Prof. Dr. Breidenbach checks the tumor!

She says that Katja told her already that I am doing really well and honestly, I feel the best I have ever felt since starting chemo. I tell her that I the only side I underestimate is the emotional side, but that it is probably normal to question one’s entire life …“everyone is different“!

„how many ECs did you have now?“ three – „Wow, you look really well considering that!“

She goes on to check the tumor with the ultrasound and says that it shrank from 2 cms to 6mm and is extremely pleased. „This is not at all the breast I got to know!“ what a thing to say?! There is still a bit of sore liquid at the sentinels, but all is fine! „Your wounds are even healing during chemo – this is amazing!“

I am very happy and we sit down again! „We shall continue the chemo course as planned!“ What a pity, I thought she might shorten it a bit, but maybe next time…

She states that we might actually keep the breast, that there is an option, but that I will have a say in this. I tell her that I will face the subject operation after the chemo is over, but it is good to know that there suddenly is an option again.

During the breast cancer day, a subject was that a lot of women want the breast removed and even remove the other breast in order to have less worries. It is in most of the cases complete pointless to do that. I tell her as well, that they removed the breast of a friend’s mother and afterwards the pathologist said that the tumor was benign….I shall consider all the options – after chemo! For now I am happy happy happy with the results!

It is raining and dreadful and I am glad Lea and I are going to the sauna that afternoon.

This is a whole new experience, as people stare a little bit. Due to the time of the year I hardly run around without a head, but here I do and Lea is having a baby in four weeks time, so we are a funny couple. The advantage is though that I no longer need to shave my legs now – there are advantages 😉

I do not look forward to the eyebrows and eyelashes to go, but I notices the first light spot in my left eyebrow…. thank God there is makeup!!!

Oh, bliss! I can stay in bed with a newspaper and a coffee….

Actually I have been thinking to go public with my story! There is this enormous feedback from all different kind of people that I inspire them to hang up their hang ups, to get on with life, check their breasts, go to the doctors, etc. and if it is only a few I can reach, I feel that I could do something good with this whole cancer thing.

Micky and Christina suggest blogging, but I am scared that all the text is just boring. Nick suggests a blog with a picture for each day and that is it!! I am also quite impressed that he wants to do a portrait series of breast cancer patients (he is a photographer). I am all motivated ready to start it! Feeling all young and hip, being a blogger now 😉

Both kids in Kindergarten… I am ready to live again and meet first Susanne – she is my age and reckons that the emotional termoil might have been caused by chemo, but that we are certainly of THAT age now….I then see Simone for a coffee and Maja for lunch…

I don’t know what was the motivator to do this today, but I pick Leo up from music school and we meet Mia and Markus in a shoe shop…. after both of them scream and cry the entire time, I am soooo fed up with everything and go home. It is Anja’s last day already and we quickly say good bye before we go flying our kite…. another idiot idea, but it was a helpless try to make the kids try those shoes and we have to do it now ….ahhhh!

Tonight is my night out – I meet Christina early for Sushi, we go to a cocktail bar with a guy and his gitarre, who give a very little private concert and end up in the ABS around the corner from Christina’s, as I want one glas of wine. There is a basement and there is 90s music … „do you want to dance?“… oh sure I do – we dance the night away and I feel alive – I have not been doing this for ever and it feels soooo goood!

I cannot believe I am only in bed by 4am…Jesus, this was needed so much!! Thank you, Christina!