We all have a cold now… it is that time of the year as well, I guess. So, we take it easy and take turns to rest. I look after Leo at lunchtime and Markus is taking the kids to a game park in the afternoon, so I can have a rest.
It annoys me that I cannot speak… I still speak, but it kills me and then I cannot stop coughing – really miss the communication though!!! I am a bit annoyed with typing messages, as my fingers are a bit numb, but that is the only communication left…. ahhh, if I was just a quiet soul, it would not be this hard, but I am surely NOT. The hardest bit is not reading to my kids at night – well I do, but it hurts and then Markus needs to take over, as I just cough….I want my voice back!
I am going the Senftöpfchen Theater to see Robert Kreis tonight (belated 40th birthday present from my cousin Sylvie ;)) and I will have some drinks – wonder how annoyed other people get with my coughing, but I have to go out – no matter what 😉
This block of chemo is a walk in the park 🙂 My fingers are a bit numb, but not too bad. The coughing is more annoying, but I am getting there!
I just had a lazy Friday morning with Leo at home until Markus took him to Boulder Planet with some other kids and dads. Sandra stopped by with croissants… hmmm… and I met my friend Anne Balsereit Balsereit, who is a photographer and documented my bald head! Thank you! Sonja gave me a bracelet while we were having lunch saying „cosquillas a las nubes grises“ and I will tickle those grey clouds away….
After playing Playdoh and singing with the kids in the afternoon, my voice is gone again… no no no! Along with losing my voice, I also lost my patience with my kids. Normally I am quite consequent with them, but I feel that I do not have the energy, the patience and the strength and it hurts a lot. They also feel that they get away with more at the moment, which does not help. I guess I should slow down a bit during the day to have more energy for my kids or maybe it is the chemo kicking in at random intervals?!?
I will not talk for the rest of the evening in order to be fit again – promise – because I am finally going out again tomorrow and I cannot wait!
Being still a bit sentimental about my sealife friends, I think I have to post a picture of my buddy Matt today…
Chemo day, yeeehaaa! Well, blood levels are low, but ok, 37,1 is no fever and just a bit swollen throat is ok – off we go! Chemo nurse Frau Block is wonderful giving me cough drops and a little dish with salt. I did not know that, but if you put that on your tongue, it actually helps. She also flushes the port very slowly with NaCl, which makes all the difference on my tongue and waits until I have my mouth stuffed with gummibears 😉
Today I meet Gül – what an inspirational lady. She tells me that the ovary cancer is back for the 5th time and that she is battling with it for ten years now… yet, she is positive, full of energy and a shining light! You go, Gül! Sorry I had no voice – I look forward to talking to you again in two weeks time 🙂
As I leave chemo heaven, I notice that they did not give me the cooling gloves during the Paclitaxal… ahhh!! See if the fingertips will go more numb than last time now ….
Lately I think a lot about my ship’s mates, as with some of them I chat daily. I went to sea for nine years and it is bizarre, but I met some of my best friends at sea – even if I only worked with some of them for a few months, I got to know them better than some of my colleagues I have been working with for years on land now. You work seven days a week, long hours – you make things happen, you have to work as a good team to cope with it all, you live together, you spend your time off together and you party together, you are friends and family and you are all the same type of people… even when not in contact for months and years, you continue where you last stopped and it is amazing. I think a lot about my buddy Matt, who passed away last year (cancer) and he would have kicked me, made fun of my hair and we would have joked about this whole thing – I miss him so much ❤ Luckily I have my brother Micky, who has a similar humor and cheers me up!
The children are staying with Luisa and Nina today – thank you!!! Markus is at work, Anja just left and I will watch movies! Did watch Amelie (an all time favourite), started Allied during chemo, but it was definitely the wrong movie to finish home alone – am a bit too emotional for not happy endings at the moment 😉
I am just waiting for the kids now and off to bed. Lucky me – I am just tired. No nausea whatsoever and not emotional turmoils.
Woke up fully dressed between children’s books at 3:00am…. I might have been a bit tired 😉 It is frustrating though, as I cannot really read to them at them moment, but we are finding ways and hopefully I will get my voice back one day….
Despite all, I still went to see Tabea and my running Mamas, did some moderate exercises and meet with some Mamas at Klee’Snacks, as usual…I love this place, the people, the coffee and the bagels ❤
Steffi is sick until next Thursday, but we get Anja as replacement! Thank God for that!! In the afternoon I feel like I am getting a really bad cold now and actually spend the whole afternoon in bed. I need to be fit tomorrow and I will go to bed together with the kids now! Good night!
OK, I will stop whinging about my early rising kids… they actually played quietly from 5:00 – 6:00, apart from Mia singing „Schlaf, Mia, schlaf“ (I wish!), so that is a start….whatever it is, full moon, easterly wind, a phase… it will eventually pass 😉
My cough is better and my voice is coming back and I need to go out and make the most of it before chemo starts again! Actually, I am not dreading these upcoming 11 chemos… the last one was actually a walk in the park (apart from all my other little aches and pains that started flying in in the last couple of weeks ;)).
Spent the morning in Museum Ludwig and lunched with Hannah, when I got a call that Steffi is ill….. ahhhh! Quick fix: Lilli will pick up Mia and I will fetch Leo and bring him to kids gymnastics and have a coffee with Michael, while he is there…Did forget to buy tickets for art night tonight and it it sold out, but a little rest will probably help my voice – did speak way too much today and sound like an old rust bucket.
4.50am!!! Well, it was my turn to stay in bed longer, but with two screaming wee firemen full of energy, I cannot sleep… At least they play with each other in such a cute way that my heart is melting away ❤️
My lungs are really hurting now and I almost lost my voice completely. I am seeing Dr. Reiser this morning and the inflammatory values and blood levels in general are ok. He checks my lungs and I get some prescriptions. It is a beautiful sunny day today and I have time for a quiet coffee before heading to physiotherapy. I am coughing my lungs out on the way there, but hope that the medication will do it’s tricks soon.
„No need to say a word – I read your blog!“ Frau Dietrich makes me laugh! She has acupuncture needles ready and is determined to make me feel better – and yes, it actually helps. She puts the needles in my ear, puts the infrared lamp on and I am not coughing for at least 30 minutes! Amazing! Apparently it is a good sign that my ear is bleeding afterwards 😳… I leave with some ‚mobile‘ needles in my ear (some plaster with little beads underneath, which I should touch occasionally, if the coughing is really bad… whatever works 😉) and some lotion for my nails. Thank you!!
I really want to do yoga tonight – but I will have an early night, as I am exhausted!
I give up – both kids are awake at 5!!! Will they ever be normal again!??!? These early starts are killing me, but I let Markus sleep… He does such a great job with the kids and he deserves it.
We go to Aachen for a surprise party for Mark and it is a lovely afternoon, but the coughing annoys me, I am loosing my voice and I am a bit dizzy. I will see Prof. Dr. Breidenbach tomorrow to make sure I will be fit again for chemo on Thursday. My body normally fights these things off quite well, but I just do not seem to recover from this one. Well, it would be strange, if all was normal while my body has to cope with all this poison 😉
Thank you, Yvonne, for the Yoga Nidra book & CD and thank you Mark, for just being yourself!
Oh what a night! Have been awake all night with a sore throat coughing and Mia has been sitting next to me in bed singing since 4:50am – yes, very sweet, but NO – not this early in the morning 🙈 Since I am awake anyway, I get up with her… today is the official start of Karneval and I am desperate to go out tonight! 😴
It is raining cats and dogs! We just get ready and go out grocery shopping and arrange to meet Kay, Ele and their four kids for lunch in IKEA – yes, IKEA! It is brilliant – you get food, no mess at home and the kids have somewhere to play! I bump into Britta, who I studied with in Ealing, who I had not seen in at least 10 years and who had just written to me the day before!! Wow! The afternoon we all spend in Boulder Planet , which is a guarantee to have tired kids by the evening!
I am devastated, as all of Cologne is full of dressed up people celebrating Carneval since 11:11am and I am not well enough to go out – can‘t even drink 😔! I tell Ute that I won‘t make it to the party tonight, as my throat hurts and I am loosing my voice! I could cry now! I have to go out as soon as I am fit again! Well, at least Markus can go out tonight now…..
The stupid part is that in my ‚normal‘ life, I am never ill and it is frustrating not to be able to do what I want to do …. again!
To add something positive, I want to thank my mother for being there, supporting me in any possible way and being amazing… I might not always show it, but I appreciate all you do and I love you very much ❤️
I slept like a baby – sopping wet PJs, but hopefully that did the trick. I love the new chemo drugs, as I am tired, but have no nausea and seem to be emotionally strong… so far and I have appetite! Hopefully this will not be the start of being fat, as they give me more cortisone now 😜
Despite the fact that these Chemos are weekly now, I no longer have to go to chemo center in between… no more injections, infusions, bloodtests – only one visit a week! And if I am ok on Fridays apart from being tired, then all is good and I can handle the next 11 weeks easily!
When I woke up, there were loads of messages from my sleepless friends… keep writing to me, maybe it was just a once off that I slept through 😉
I am out and about and it is really only the coughing, which bothers me!! Now that it gets colder and with chemo, I should look after my skin a bit more and follow Steffi‘s recommendation, while we have coffee: I make an appointment with Margot Hornecker – very close….no kidding …. that is the beautician‘s name 😂
I am nervous today, but I meet this incredible taxi driver, who lived 25 years in London – what a character and a great story of love, travel and entrepreneurship! Thank you for brightening my day 😀😀
Chemo nurse Fassbender looks concerned, as I have a cold, measures my temperature and tells me that I do not look too well …. they check my blood levels and say that I need to see Dr. Reiser because of my cold and liver results 😳 I feel like I am in trouble…. well, all is fine! He likes my hairstyle, checks my lungs and gives the go to do chemo! In oder for this new poison not to do too much damage to my fingertips and nails (they are falling apart already, there is air under some of them and I sometimes still have trouble opening my bike lock), I will get cooling gloves and cooling packs to see what works for me… but first nurse Fassbender needs to check that I do not get an allergic reaction and says „do not worry, we will sail this ship together and I will be there with you!“ she makes me a cup of tea, strokes my head and I think she is wonderful ❤️
The medication makes me tired and then she is trying Paelitaxal and I am not reacting allergically and we can go. I dose off, as I cannot do much with my hands in the cooling gloves anyway! Then I get the massive cooling packs and soon all is over….. did drift off and hope I did not snore having the cold 😉
All fine and chemo nurse says that I will be very tired. Yep, that is true – I already fall asleep in the Taxi and am wide awake, when the wobbly driver says „Schäääääätzchen!“ 🙄 don‘t you Schätzchen me! Off to bed 😴😴😴😴
Steffi and my mom, who Mia calls „Oppa“ now, are juggling the kids and the last Martin‘s procession and I will do absolutely nothing!
A big welcome to Carla‘s little sister Greta Philippa ❤️ Can‘t wait to meet her ❤️
Look, Mom, I got ears 😉
