I take Leo and mom to a farm, as it is a beautiful day and I need to get back by lunchtime my blood test.

Well, whatever I am doing is working well – my blood results are almost as good as when I started chemo… iron levels are low – hence I am so tired. Make note to drink more „Kräuterblut“ Juice…

Katja has chemo day and reacts with D&V. She did say though that she had enough after 8 chemos and that her entire body is fighting against it… I promise to make it a fun experience the following week! Lucky Katja – this will be her last chemo -I  will miss her, but good for her!

Mia is back in Kindergarten …

Halleluja!

My school friend Birgit and her family from Switzerland visit for a coffee before they are off to France and Leo comes along with me to LaufMamaLauf. It is pumpkin training day and he gets a little pumpkin, but has absolutely no joy joining us.

I do win the price for the biggest pumpkin – a hairband hahahahah….

Mom comes over to Cologne in the evening to help!

 

Just need to get out for an hour… Anja and Markus are looking after the kids and I make sure Maja is doing a good job in the garden 😉

I give up – we have to pick up Leo in the early afternoon! He cannot eat nor drink….ohhh noooooo! Both kids are crying, but at least they can drink milk… please that this week be over!!!

Today is the first time I go to yoga again since my operation and I love it. I can move my arms freely and nothing hurts anymore – ohmmmm!!

They are finally back from the countryside, but unfortunately, Mia is still ill and cries a lot and does neither eat nor drink, but cries „aua“… I send Markus with her to the doctor’s and another dreadful night lays ahead of me. At least Markus is signed off sick now for two days, as Mia is only allowed back in Kindergarten on Wednesday.

Katja’s eyebrows are falling out….

This is probably the worst chemo day ever!

Mia has no fever anymore and I let Markus sleep in order for him to go to the countryside with the kids. I will stay at home and my girlfriends promised to look after the kids there.

After they leave, it is all really quiet – the weather outside is beautiful and I have zero energy to leave the house. The kids are having fun and see all the pictures Markus sends and I miss them so much. I am tired and yet I cannot sleep, as I am unsettled. The horrible thing about being stuck, is the fact that you have suddenly so much time to think about everything. Your life, the what if’s, the turns you have taken and what outlook there is. Normally, I am so busy with my life and just get on with it and now I am forced to take a step back. I am emotionally fragile, and in turmoil, questioning everything and anything. I never would have expected this and I do not recognize myself….Thank god my friend Nick calls me and I can get rid of some of the anxiety, as I really don’t want to speak to anyone.

I have the urge to leave the house and finally get up and go to Lit.Cologne at 9pm to see Sven Regener. I have a water and a coke before I get in there and only survive drinking little sips of water and nibbeling away on a pretzeln – I am so nauseous…

Friday the 13th and I feel really good and not sick at all, when I wake up. Wow – I know how to do them now!

That changes just after I leave the house to go to chemo center. I am suddenly slightly sick and while getting the infusions, I get the shivers.

I try to relax at home and Sandra, one of the kindergarten moms, has started to take Leo to music school, which helps a lot.

Mia Kindergarten calls though that she has a fever and she sleeps with me most of the afternoon, when not crying – she is also teething….I feel sorry, for my little girl, who is in pain and try to comfort her, but I cannot get any sleep myself. We decide not to go to the countryside, but maybe join them the following day. The night is awful!! I am with my sick child and hardly get any sleep. Just what you need after chemo!

Katja is pausing this time – what a pity! But I got my playlist, the Old Man and the Sea and some movies. Frau Fassbender (the chemo nurse) is funny as usual and my blood levels are actually great!

Here we go again. After I finish, Katja is there for her blood test and I give her some material from the breast cancer day, as she wasn’t too well that day. Looking forward to our next chemo together again…

We have a little bit of a routine for chemo days now – I get licorice around the corner from chemo heaven, go home and get my chicken soup and try to rest. Lilli picks up Mia and goes with her babyfriends to the playground, Mom picks up Leo and Sylvie picks him up to play with Jule at their place and brings him back after dinner! Thank you ❤

One day to chemo and I am trying to do as much as I can, while I am still fit: the painters and carpenter are here, LaufMamaLauf, lymph drainage, Leo is invited to a birthday party and I take Anja along to Mia’s sports class. Thank God my mom is here and can pick up Leo….

My friend Sarah Noni is here from Canada giving a concert and Christina and I have a nice night out just a few houses down the street from chemo heaven!

It is time to see the psychologist again in Holweide – poor Anja is all by herself with Lili and my mother, but there is no time to see her… she will get over it 😉

Frau Rahm is in a so much better mood having just returned from Mallorca. We have a nice chat and bump into another bold girl outside. „Didn’t I see you at the conference?“… yes, I did see her as she had a unique outfit and we start chatting about chemos. Which one I am on? Third EC…“Ah, the big ones – you seem fit though!“ – that is right. Maybe it could be worse 😉

Chemo is approaching again and I am trying to do as much as I can beforehand. We actually plan a countryside trip with a few families for the following weekend and I try to get it all organised.