I can pretend as much as I like that I am ok, reality hits me hard after the Christmas days – I am exhausted, my body is tired and hurts and I feel empty…. I stay in bed most of the day and rest and cry, don’t even attempt to do the paperwork for rehab (thank goodness the insurance paperwork is complete and I handed it in on the 24th)…. And today I learn that the screws in my finger will be removed January 4th and the stitches end of January and then all shall be fine.

I have just left the hospital and had a coffee, when Markus calls me at lunchtime – Mia fell from a ladder and broke her thigh – I am just in time to catch the ambulance before she is rushed to hospital and my poor little girl is sooo brave. I am strong and brave too until she is rolled into the operating theater. I am so worried! I sit outside and wait and cry….

My kids are my world and I am so scared right now, try everything to distract myself and nothing works! Writing this does not help either ….

Just got the ok that all went fine and that we will stay for only one night. They will let me see her in 15 minutes and I cannot wait. My little baby ❤️

Oh, what a year!

It’s the enthusiastic angel in the kids‘ nativity play, who sings on top of her voice throwing her body into the syllable, while gesturing wildly, burning for her role – it let’s my heart melt! I sit there surrounded by loads of families, while the cousins sit happily on the floor next to the stable, where Pippi Longstockings‘ horse is representing the stable animals and little kids in oversized jackets are the shepards. I am glowing with joy – Christmas carols, the lights, the tree and all the children…. that is it – I am not a church person, but this is the spirit I love so much this time of the year!

I enjoy it so much to see my home town peeps, hopping between meeting friends and celebrating with the extended family, eat good food, drink – probably too much – and to see the Christmas magic through my kids‘ eyes, and yes, I even enjoyed building the LEGO police station with Leo last night …. warm temperatures and rain cannot stop my Christmas spirit…. never….It’s the time to be jolly…. I am living it up – offline – more champagne for me and happy Christmas to all!

Two more sleeps – last preparations, last cookies are in the oven, just need to pack now (Story of my life 😉) and the rest of the cards will be written after Christmas! Tonight it’s party time and tomorrow we are going home to celebrate with the family – a bit digital detox & quietness are in line along with meeting my school and childhood friends, a nativity play, decorating the tree, eating and drinking! No worries, if there won’t be a post ever day – have a wonderful Christmas ❤️

Three more sleeps…. and the magic is at risk due to warm weather and constant rain – but do I let anything spoil our Christmas joy?!? No way – instead of ice skating with me, the kids go swimming with Markus, while I play Christmas elf and wrap all their presents and write some cards…. I love it!

My last lymphdrainage for this year is in the books! Sparkle, glitter and have drink….it does not always have to be mulled wine – in these warm temperatures, champagne will do just fine 😉 I raise a glass and toast to 2018… it was an important, dramatic, sad, funny, horrible, lovely and inspiring year – an emotional roller coaster ride, but despite the fact that I could easily have done without cancer and would love to have skipped that part – I am thankful for all that came along with cancer…. not literally all, but the positive side effects! And now, I enjoy my break!

Did I mention that I love this time of the year?!?! It is the time about feelings, love, coziness, friends…. tell a friend how important your friendship is! Online peeps, I am so glad that we connected – you are my support group, my motivation and it means the world to me ❤️ and some online friends are also part of my amazing offline friends now! I am grateful beyond belief and happy to be alive and kicking, glittering, sparkling and dancing around the tree!

Oh what a night with my cousin Sylvie…. an operetta – „Im weißen Rössl“ („the White Horse Inn“) by Ralph Benatzky – light entertainment one could say…. but what a blast! The costumes, the sceneries, the ideas… they really make the most out of the possibilities and sometimes just simple tricks would do the magic – I cannot stop laughing!

During the interval, we have some wine, don’t want it to end…. the magic in Staatenhaus is catching and you can see the fun the singers have…. it is bright, gay, colorful, funny, Austrian and wonderful – an alpine idyll with the mountain backdrop and a cable car and we are in the middle of it being in the second row. It is exaggerated and over the top in such a clever, bright and funny way with knitted beards, confetti, wigs, the funniest accessories, the male ballet, fog machines, the woman hunter with horns and a beard, coloured beards, cow costumes with three tits, plastic costumes, rollerblades, fury moonboots…. I could go on and on! If you have a chance – go and see it either in December or January…. What a blast! Our Austrian hearts jump with joy! Thank you, Oper Köln!

I feel alive – I am paying the price today, but we even have drinks after the show in the Alte Wartesaal and it feels so normal!!

Paperwork is piling up, my bank account is screaming, but I am living and I love life! Early night tonight and tomorrow, as it is Markus turn to go out for the next two nights – and I need it!

Coffee…. a lot of Coffee! Gosh, I need it…. I was out last night in Suderman’s Winterwonderland, in bed in the wee hours of the morning and I am a tired, but happy chappy girl today….

What do I do?!? Coffee dates with my LaufMamaLauf girls, with Maja and in between I even manage to write my first Christmas cards… yeah!

Leo has a friend over this afternoon, Mia has gymnastics and I am going to the opera tonight with my cousin Sylvie! Oh whatever….I will go iceskating with the kids tomorrow and I might pack, as kindergarten is closed on Friday…. somehow it always all falls into place…. sometimes 😉 so far, nothing can destroy my calm and the paperwork can wait! It is Christmas!

Thinking of my friend in Bremen ❤️

Thank you, Rui Camilo for the pictures – they remind of our inspiring #mutmacherin workshop in Cologne with DKMS LIFE ❤️❤️❤️

My alternative practitioner visit was refreshing…. apparently my ‚metal‘ is very ‚active‘ as I am letting a friend go…. hmmm…. or it might be a cold 🤔 Nevermind, I probably have paperwork I should do, and calls I should make, receipts I need to prove, forms I should fill…. but instead, I am off to lunch with my little English bunch and tonight – I will go out – yeah, baby!

#gibachtaufdich – #lookafteryourself…. that is my theme and my onchological psychologist reckons that I am doing not too bad.

It is the time of the year that a lot of people stress…. but why? Instead of enjoying quality time with family and friends, they rush around buying presents that probably everyone could easily live without… write cards to people they don’t care about, but feel obliged, go to events the feel they have to go!

Everyone can find their own way, but I don’t do presents (apart from the kids and we try to keep it to a minimum…. big fail this year 😉). I only started cards after I had kids and really only send them to people I want to send them to and if it is February that is fine with me…. I enjoy seeing friends and family at Christmas, slowing down and the magic! Give smiles & love instead of presents and enjoy this special time of the year ❤️