We arrive at home this afternoon and I am exhausted, but happy to be here and equally scared, as I have no clue as to what lays ahead of us!

I take a 15 minute space mask rest – which promises miracles, intergalactic relaxation and the kind of space escape I am longing for – and then we will gently walk over to Simone’s for a cosy and quiet New Year’s Eve!

There are a lot of moments in 2018 I could have easily done without, reoccurrences and losses of friends and cancer buddies that devastated and scared me, sad times, illnesses and injuries and a lot of heartbreak, but I am grateful to be able to look back and say that it was an amazing year! My life is enriched with wonderful moments and amazing people! I have exceeded my own limitations, I am so much stronger and hopefully a better person, went out of my comfort zone and continued to change my life, my routines and habits….

I can be cool as a cucumber, when everyone is rushing around (and even though it drives some people mad, it feels right to me to do things in my own speed) and then I am back at juggling all tasks at once, but the direction is the right one and I definitely look more after myself and voice my needs.

And I want to do good and make a difference, continue to talk about cancer, break the tabu, engage myself in more charity work and motivate people to look after themselves. Have a wonderful 2019, you all and thank you for being there, for supporting and enriching my life! It has been a ball – most of the time – and I appreciate that you did not only go with me through the highs, but also through the lows! Onwards and upwards – I am ready to take off …. after some well deserved rest at my own pace in a mindful way spiked with more regular meditations than lately…. ❤️ look after yourself ❤️

Picture credit: Recover your Smile e.V.

Still in hospital…. it only took them a full day to x-ray Mia and it will probably take them another one for the accident surgeons to talk to us 😉

Mia is in good hands though, gets regular medication after she was in a lot of pain yesterday and is quite jolly… she just cannot move and I have no instruction yet as to what she is allowed to do and therefore we are just laying around!

To add to my drama run, I lost a filling last night, but hopefully we can leave hospital today! Our New Years trip has been cancelled and we are just happy not to be in hospital for New Year’s Eve, but if we are…. oh whatever!

My brother sent a „Mia is in hospital“ book along with a Playmobil „Kid in hospital“ set…. and we are reading and she is allowed to watch Peppa pig – no rules in hospital 😉 Rene, who works here, Mum, Markus and Leo visited yesterday and that is as much distraction as we can handle right now!

While Mia slept well, the cure little boy from Africa had severe coughing attacks last night and was put on oxygen and nurses would be in and out of the room….

This morning I double checked that he was not contagious and they confirmed that he was on antibiotics and all was fine. I informed them that I finished chemo a month ago and that my immun system is not up to speed.

While yesterday they said that we could not have a single room despite the extra insurance we have, as they did not have any, we were moved to a single room within the hour…. hmmm, apparently it only freed up this morning?!?!…. Well, even if we leave today, I did not mind, as the constant TV running and the snoring of the boy’s mum is something I can easily live without! I tried to explain it to her (the move due to the chemo – not the snoring 😉) and hope that they do not take it personally…

So far there are no updates, but there will be a few checks and then we can hopefully go home today. Mia is already bending the injured leg, but still in a little bit of pain. She is a tough cookie though and I am so proud of her…. I still would rather go through an extra ten chemos instead seeing her in pain!

Thank you for all your wonderful messages ❤️

I can pretend as much as I like that I am ok, reality hits me hard after the Christmas days – I am exhausted, my body is tired and hurts and I feel empty…. I stay in bed most of the day and rest and cry, don’t even attempt to do the paperwork for rehab (thank goodness the insurance paperwork is complete and I handed it in on the 24th)…. And today I learn that the screws in my finger will be removed January 4th and the stitches end of January and then all shall be fine.

I have just left the hospital and had a coffee, when Markus calls me at lunchtime – Mia fell from a ladder and broke her thigh – I am just in time to catch the ambulance before she is rushed to hospital and my poor little girl is sooo brave. I am strong and brave too until she is rolled into the operating theater. I am so worried! I sit outside and wait and cry….

My kids are my world and I am so scared right now, try everything to distract myself and nothing works! Writing this does not help either ….

Just got the ok that all went fine and that we will stay for only one night. They will let me see her in 15 minutes and I cannot wait. My little baby ❤️

Oh, what a year!

It’s the enthusiastic angel in the kids‘ nativity play, who sings on top of her voice throwing her body into the syllable, while gesturing wildly, burning for her role – it let’s my heart melt! I sit there surrounded by loads of families, while the cousins sit happily on the floor next to the stable, where Pippi Longstockings‘ horse is representing the stable animals and little kids in oversized jackets are the shepards. I am glowing with joy – Christmas carols, the lights, the tree and all the children…. that is it – I am not a church person, but this is the spirit I love so much this time of the year!

I enjoy it so much to see my home town peeps, hopping between meeting friends and celebrating with the extended family, eat good food, drink – probably too much – and to see the Christmas magic through my kids‘ eyes, and yes, I even enjoyed building the LEGO police station with Leo last night …. warm temperatures and rain cannot stop my Christmas spirit…. never….It’s the time to be jolly…. I am living it up – offline – more champagne for me and happy Christmas to all!

Two more sleeps – last preparations, last cookies are in the oven, just need to pack now (Story of my life 😉) and the rest of the cards will be written after Christmas! Tonight it’s party time and tomorrow we are going home to celebrate with the family – a bit digital detox & quietness are in line along with meeting my school and childhood friends, a nativity play, decorating the tree, eating and drinking! No worries, if there won’t be a post ever day – have a wonderful Christmas ❤️

Three more sleeps…. and the magic is at risk due to warm weather and constant rain – but do I let anything spoil our Christmas joy?!? No way – instead of ice skating with me, the kids go swimming with Markus, while I play Christmas elf and wrap all their presents and write some cards…. I love it!

My last lymphdrainage for this year is in the books! Sparkle, glitter and have drink….it does not always have to be mulled wine – in these warm temperatures, champagne will do just fine 😉 I raise a glass and toast to 2018… it was an important, dramatic, sad, funny, horrible, lovely and inspiring year – an emotional roller coaster ride, but despite the fact that I could easily have done without cancer and would love to have skipped that part – I am thankful for all that came along with cancer…. not literally all, but the positive side effects! And now, I enjoy my break!

Did I mention that I love this time of the year?!?! It is the time about feelings, love, coziness, friends…. tell a friend how important your friendship is! Online peeps, I am so glad that we connected – you are my support group, my motivation and it means the world to me ❤️ and some online friends are also part of my amazing offline friends now! I am grateful beyond belief and happy to be alive and kicking, glittering, sparkling and dancing around the tree!

Oh what a night with my cousin Sylvie…. an operetta – „Im weißen Rössl“ („the White Horse Inn“) by Ralph Benatzky – light entertainment one could say…. but what a blast! The costumes, the sceneries, the ideas… they really make the most out of the possibilities and sometimes just simple tricks would do the magic – I cannot stop laughing!

During the interval, we have some wine, don’t want it to end…. the magic in Staatenhaus is catching and you can see the fun the singers have…. it is bright, gay, colorful, funny, Austrian and wonderful – an alpine idyll with the mountain backdrop and a cable car and we are in the middle of it being in the second row. It is exaggerated and over the top in such a clever, bright and funny way with knitted beards, confetti, wigs, the funniest accessories, the male ballet, fog machines, the woman hunter with horns and a beard, coloured beards, cow costumes with three tits, plastic costumes, rollerblades, fury moonboots…. I could go on and on! If you have a chance – go and see it either in December or January…. What a blast! Our Austrian hearts jump with joy! Thank you, Oper Köln!

I feel alive – I am paying the price today, but we even have drinks after the show in the Alte Wartesaal and it feels so normal!!

Paperwork is piling up, my bank account is screaming, but I am living and I love life! Early night tonight and tomorrow, as it is Markus turn to go out for the next two nights – and I need it!