It is a bright sunny day and we make the most of it before driving home. This holiday was so much worth the effort and I return full of energy, look forward to Spring and feel truly blessed!

Happy Easter – find some eggs and check your yourself, as it is the first!

By 8:00am Mia is already throwing up from too much chocolate…. what a start to Easter Sunday 😉 but it turns out to be a really nice day! Markus and I even ski together and a snow storm makes me realize that I suddenly have lots of plum on my face …. yet any hair is appreciated and hopefully this will go again and reappear on my head…. I wonder if the hair inside my nostrils is back yet?!?

My thoughts are with Amy for the rest of the day though. I know Amy only via Insta, she is Canadian living in the UK and she has terminal bowel cancer. A SIRT treatment was her last chance and everyone donated within 24 hours to make it possible for her to have it and then it wasn’t an option any more!! I read on Facebook while Mia is napping that her cancer has further spread and she is going to her local hospice now…..This really breaks my heart and shows how unfair cancer is – I hate you! Amy is such a wonderful and positive person, beautiful inside and out and such an inspiration, but despite the fact that this makes life and treatment easier, it does not mean that you beat the beast! What helps is to detect it early, but there is still no guaranteed cure…. not yet! My love goes to Amy and her family today!

Enjoy Easter, tell anyone you love that you love them and make the most of every single day ❤️

The sun is out and I am going for a final ski run now, while it is Markus turn to look after the kids! Skiing is for me like meditation – it takes my mind off things and the mountains and the snow make me happy. I can forget about everything and anything, feel free and alive! No worries – I have been skiing for about fourty years now and despite the fact that I am not the best skier, I ski quite effortlessly, take it easy and therefore it is relaxation rather than exercise. It gives me strength and happy moments for the next steps ahead 😉

One thing I learned during my journey, is to listen to my body and therefore I am resting today! Just a little trip with Markus and the kids to the ski rental place to fit Mia with some gear, sitting around in ski club, while the kids play and getting the Easter stuff ready are the most action I get all day 😉

Meditation is something I have not managed to do for a while and I start meditating again …. I need to find more options how to do it while being with the kids….maybe using my headphones while Mia is sleeping?!? I find it impossible to find a quiet gap during the day, but there surely must be a way for a little ten minute time out, when you have kids around you 24/7. I don’t count being away from them, as I do not see myself meditating on the streets, but maybe I should get used to that?? I don’t consider evenings either, as I am exhausted by the time they sleep and often fall asleep shortly afterwards 😉. I will try different things and am very motivated….any recommendations are highly appreciated!

My hair, my hair, my hair…. lashes and brows….have a look at this even regrowth – I am well impressed and keep touching the little soft plum ❤️ bye bye receding hairline!

It is a beautiful day with fresh snow and random sunshine! Whoohoo….Markus and I manage to ski together for a good hour this morning, while Mia is in Kinder Club Kindergarten and Leo snowploughs away in Ski Club…. I am all happy chappy and the rest of the family seems quite content as well 😀

Obviously I am super careful, boobs are wrapped tightly, sunscreen is skyhigh and I make sure to go smoothly and watch out for idiots!

Mia and I rest after lunch and Markus hits the slopes …. I might manage to have a bit ski fun with Sylvie and the girls this afternoon, if I feel fit enough and will make an effort to make it to Aprés Ski with them!

The first day skiing – not for Mia and me though and it makes me sad, but the bed was blood stained and I need to take it easy, which pays off, as there is no new blood for the rest of the day… the weather isn’t that nice anyway 😉

My cousin Sylvie, who is here until Saturday, comes to join me with the kids as Leo does his first runs in Ski Club, which gives Markus a chance to hit the slopes. Mia wants to ski so badly, but is not even two and not allowed in Ski Club. I need to get some baby skies for her tomorrow! Sylvie helps to motivate Leo and we have lunch with her. She is a gem and when I am back at the hotel I am ok to stay with the kids by myself…. how naiv! I cannot lift anything, let alone a kid and they know that.

Since I have left hospital, they are great and well aware that I am handicapped! „Mama, does not work arm, right?!“ is Mia’s mantra lately, they walk by themselves, pull themselves up into the bike seat (with little assistance 😉), climb up anywhere to get their diapers changed, etc., but I still lifted them a bit with the right arm and assisted with the left, which I have now stopped altogether. As a consequence, I do not manage to get Mia to sleep today, while Leo is here and I feel like such a failure…. I call Markus to pick up Leo for Skiclub and he quickly puts Mia to bed, while I keep Leo next door. It makes me feel dreadful – I want to be fit again, I want to be physically strong again for my kids, I want to cuddle them again without protecting my breast, want to wildly romp around with them, be a dragon, a race driver and Penny from Fireman Sam, do „Boing Boing“ with Mia and be their strong lion mum and I want it now! Hmmm….

Tomorrow Leo should be fine in Ski Club by himself and Mia will have her first day in Ski Kindergarten, which will hopefully make it all easier 😉

Hotel Bruno is great and the location is ideal for us – ski club, kindergarten, lift, slopes, ski rental, restaurants, aprés ski, etc. is all next door and an elevator to bring us downtown…. very convenient, as there is no need to use the car at all and halfboard means that we have a carefree life and we have a separate bedroom and living room, which makes it easier with the kids….we decided already to come back next year, but this evening we will use our car to visit Sylvie and her family and friends 🤗

My boobies wrap is full of blood in the morning, but Prof. Dr. Breidenbach is only a What’s App message away – oh, she is wonderful! I shall not worry, as there was still old blood and it is good that it is out of my body! I shall make sure to take the antibiotics to avoid an infection and wrap myself tightly…. well, I might have taken it a bit too far, can hardly breath, there is more blood and I quickly loosen it after breakfast. I will get the hang of it, I am sure 😂

The blood stains are annoying, but at least I can see my kids beam with joy and I am the happiest girl in the world! Legoland, we will be back, for sure, but now we need to stock up on bandages and steril strips to keep me wrapped and hit the road to Sölden for five days of fun in the Alpes 😉 „My body wants to go home and build Lego“ I hope that Leo will soon warm up to the idea of going south.

If my eyebrows keep growing at this pace, I will soon be a female Theo Waigel, but no complaining… they come with beautiful lashes and I appreciate every single hair!

Despite Mia singing „Oh Tannenbaum“ and playing hide & seek with herself under my blanket at 3:00am, I am with Prof. Dr. Breidenbach by 8:00am.

I am being told off for not contacting her via What’s App before the weekend…I have a massive haematoma in my breasts, which she punctures and while she draws a lot of blood the pressure is less and less. I am supposed to see her two days later before she goes on holidays, but she is ok with me going skiing and puts me on antibiotics. Whoohoo…. just need to see Prof. Dr. Warm Tuesday evening instead!

The tumor conference took place yesterday and despite the images my bosom buddy Merle and I had in our heads of tired doctors sitting in a pub with loads of files, it is a meeting in one of the breast centers and there are staff, who prepare all the information beforehand 😉

The majority of the tumor conference wants me to do another chemo straight after radiation. Radiation will be for four weeks and chemo would start straight afterwards! One cycle is three weeks and they have currently planned six of them…. pfewww…. the good thing is that the side effects are usually less… we will see! Downturn number one: This will take me into September treatment wise 🙄 and like with any chemo, I shall avoid the sun … and it will be all summer 🙄! But I am not a big sun fan anyway and it takes what it takes, I will have more poison in my body and detox afterwards again …. but for now, I will enjoy Legoland and skiing!

My kids‘ eyes are sparkling with joy and so are mine as we enter Legoland. I am a small child again and cannot wait for the park to open again tomorrow!

Sunny day and packing is on our agenda…. bahhh…. I am mastering my procrastination skills going to the beautician, running some errands, meeting Hannah at Café Pause and since we have no household aid today, I have to look after the kids this afternoon …. ahhhhh….. somehow it always falls into place and we will be at Legoland tomorrow…. hopefully!

I am a bit scared, as my breast is hurting and a bit numb with loads of pressure inside and a fairly new bruise, but I will get it checked out first thing tomorrow morning before we go and meanwhile use Traumeel creme, as per my physiotherapist Frau Dietrich. Tomorrow I will also get the remaining pathological results from Prof. Dr. Breidenbach and a perspective with rough timelines, as the tumor conference is discussing my case tonight. I want to book a mini cruise on QM2 and Maja planned a trip with me to Berlin in June and I need to juggle all around my treatments 😉. More importantly I want to know what consequences the still active tumor will mean, how the chemo pills will work and how long it will last for, etc. etc.

My toe nails look horrible, as now the first big one fell off and the left one is barely hanging on. It’s not long to go until open shoe season…. how long do they take to regrow?!? I am glad it is not the finger nails!!

What a beautiful and relaxing day and thank you Eurowings for cancelling my brother Micky’s flight. The sun is shining, it is warm, I put a dress on and he picks me up with a DriveNow (car sharing) convertible for a coffee at Café Bauturm after my overnight guests leave….. I hardly see my brother, as he lives in Munich and love it! That’s the life – no time for you today, my friend cancer, sorry!

The rest of the day, I go with the flow…. stay in the neighbourhood by myself, write, visit a fleamarket and try not to get a sunburn 😜. I love being alone at times, watching the people, while I have a coffee…. I feel like an invisible observer and then I talk to people, but today, I mainly want to be by myself! Social contacts give me strength, but now I am just enjoying my own company!

Have you heard of Kuromakupoke?!? Poke is Hawaiian – chopped food with rice/ zucchini noodles or baby leaves …. I cannot decide and try all three with all sort of raw stuff on top, crunchy toppings and sauce…. I wanted to try it for ages and it’s my late lunch …. yuuummmy! If I had known this – why did everyone onboard the QE2 always had chicken wings at Hooter’s during our overnights in Honolulu 🤦‍♀️ …. Kim is from Hawaii and probably saying „I could have told you, but there is no way you would have talked the lads out of it“ …. Hooter’s girls or raw food bowls…. hmmmm…. tough one, guys, right?!?! 🤔

Yes, I should sort out my mess at home, but the day to too beautiful …. should could…. blablabla…. Spring is here! I can sort out my stuff when it is raining 😉 Having said that, Markus calls that they are almost in Cologne…. I quickly go home and enjoy the late afternoon with my kiddos!

What a nice and quiet day! Apart from Ulla, who bursts into my quiet breakfast in Café Pause like a hurricane 😉 What a funny lady and we figure that we went to the same school, but different times …. it’s a small world.

I enjoy the sunshine, visit two potential houses with Simone and her family, write a little in Café Wohnraum and buy some clothes! Why?!? I don’t know… it is spring and I need some colour! Since my diagnosis, the colour scheme in my wardrobe has changed…. it is brighter and fits my new life quite nicely.

I know that I am going on and on about my hair growth, but I will not say much and just post an update picture 😉 the benefit of patchy regrowth is that I do not have to shave any unwanted hair yet!

Mum has just arrived, my brother Micky will drop off my nephew/ godchild Finn shortly and we will go out tonight! Sushi night with an 8 year old …. yeah 😂