Friday the 13th and I feel really good and not sick at all, when I wake up. Wow – I know how to do them now!

That changes just after I leave the house to go to chemo center. I am suddenly slightly sick and while getting the infusions, I get the shivers.

I try to relax at home and Sandra, one of the kindergarten moms, has started to take Leo to music school, which helps a lot.

Mia Kindergarten calls though that she has a fever and she sleeps with me most of the afternoon, when not crying – she is also teething….I feel sorry, for my little girl, who is in pain and try to comfort her, but I cannot get any sleep myself. We decide not to go to the countryside, but maybe join them the following day. The night is awful!! I am with my sick child and hardly get any sleep. Just what you need after chemo!

Katja is pausing this time – what a pity! But I got my playlist, the Old Man and the Sea and some movies. Frau Fassbender (the chemo nurse) is funny as usual and my blood levels are actually great!

Here we go again. After I finish, Katja is there for her blood test and I give her some material from the breast cancer day, as she wasn’t too well that day. Looking forward to our next chemo together again…

We have a little bit of a routine for chemo days now – I get licorice around the corner from chemo heaven, go home and get my chicken soup and try to rest. Lilli picks up Mia and goes with her babyfriends to the playground, Mom picks up Leo and Sylvie picks him up to play with Jule at their place and brings him back after dinner! Thank you ❤

One day to chemo and I am trying to do as much as I can, while I am still fit: the painters and carpenter are here, LaufMamaLauf, lymph drainage, Leo is invited to a birthday party and I take Anja along to Mia’s sports class. Thank God my mom is here and can pick up Leo….

My friend Sarah Noni is here from Canada giving a concert and Christina and I have a nice night out just a few houses down the street from chemo heaven!

It is time to see the psychologist again in Holweide – poor Anja is all by herself with Lili and my mother, but there is no time to see her… she will get over it 😉

Frau Rahm is in a so much better mood having just returned from Mallorca. We have a nice chat and bump into another bold girl outside. „Didn’t I see you at the conference?“… yes, I did see her as she had a unique outfit and we start chatting about chemos. Which one I am on? Third EC…“Ah, the big ones – you seem fit though!“ – that is right. Maybe it could be worse 😉

Chemo is approaching again and I am trying to do as much as I can beforehand. We actually plan a countryside trip with a few families for the following weekend and I try to get it all organised.

What a day – Markus is 42 and Steffi, who helps with the household and the kids gets replaced by Anja. I show her the tricks and get Pam to babysit in the evening, as we have a parents evening in Kindergarten and I take Markus out for some sushi. The kids get a bit confused …. too many things going on.

Showering I wonder, if I shall actually wash my head with shampoo or shower gel – I shall ask my brother 😉

It is the 9th Breastcancer Day for patients, doctors and interested people. Leo is still at my Moms, Markus visits his aunt with Mia and I dive into the world of breastcancer. The one thing that is really awsome, is that you get free things everywhere – free food, free gifts, free advise 😉

I browse around the foyer where the pharmaceutical companies, wig shops, breast implant producers and all different organisations display and get some information. The only stand, which actually interests me, is her Rexrodt rehab – this is a rehab, where you can’t ring then the kids along to the seaside. I am worried that I wouldn’t benefit, if I bring the kids along, but the lady confirmed that eben also participated and that the kids have their own programme. She shows some pictures: „This is me – I was 15kg heavier due to the cortisone!“ 🙄 excellent outlook – bold AND fat ….

There are some interesting talks about therapies, medical research and Prof. Dr. Warm gives some great insides – the funniest thing though is the quick-wittedness queen Nicole Staudinger. What a delight! And now I know what a deep flat is – Nicole Staudinger got new boobs, as they flapped her belly fat ‚up‘!

I meet some other girls and one of them has actually HAIR – she wore a cooling cap during her chemos and it actually worked – this is technically apparently quiet difficult, not nice to wear and is only successful in 30% of the cases and that is why Dr. Reiser does not offer it… interesting though…. Well, I actually feel alright with my bald head!

Hipp hipp hurray – 44 today!

Leo did say that I needed a crown for my birthday, as I no longer have hair….I  now shave of the rest of the hair and it feels good – cannot wait for the last bits to fall off now!

In a way, timing is really good – not only is a bold head fashionable, but it will be winter soon and I do not have to be careful with the sun and can wear hats.

I am at LaufMamaLauf – I always make an effort to go – no matter what! It gives me strength and I have coffee witht the girls afterwards.

I treat myself to lunch with Alexa, Simone and Hannah and dinner with the closest friends at „Mercato Deluxe“, my favourite italian restaurant. During the course of the meal, I take the head off and it feels good. I have to tell Mom that the back of my head is indeed not flat at all, like I thought for years 😉

„I can’t even remember what you looked like with hair – this feels so normal“ Sylvie says and that is the way it is.

I have a cheeky wee glass of wine and a wonderful evening – I love you guys ❤️

My hair is still there in patches and I feel like wearing a cap. The disadvantage is that you need to find a solution for changing temperatures….

The girls compiled a playlist for me – each of them picked a few songs to listen to during chemo!.

First day of lymph drainage – oh what bliss…. I can move my arm again 😀 well, the lymph knot, which were removed surely could not have gone unnoticed. The lady from Kenya is a bit unsure, if Thisbe is good during chemo, but it feels good and I I’ll do double check with chemo nurse!

I need my children so much at the moment, yet I often don‘t have her energy – it is the balance between looking after myself and being there for them, which tears me sometimes apart. Mia cries a lot lately and it is her way of expressing her gearbeitet I loosing me, I think – I am definitely less around. The you give me so much strength ❤️