Whooohooooo!!! Our podcast trailer is online!!

https://2frauen2brueste.podigee.io/

I am over the moon! What started as a little idea, is now live and we want to shout it out – we are raising awareness and we are talking about cancer trying to lift the taboo!Do you need shower gel or shampoo for your bald head, why does my fingerprint scanner no longer work after chemo and where do I draw those eyebrows?!? We casually chat about different subjects relating to cancer without trivializing it, as it is vicious! Closing your eyes does not protect you though…. grab a cup a tea and join us!

The first episode will go live May 14! And remember – sharing is caring!! Go ahead and share share share!

In the past, a cold was just a cold…. nowadays, I risk to have pneumonia within days. Apparently my immune system is still not up to speed and needs antibiotic help!

Did I mention that I never took any medication in the past?! Well, the only constant is change and I am getting used to seeing the doctors more regularly – again!

Ironically, I don’t look sick – similar to having cancer…. looks can perceive. In fact, you cannot even see my swollen nose…. and therefore I am meeting the girls tonight!

Mi mi mi…. Sick at home and you know what?! I fall as I say goodbye to my kids, try to push Mia away not to hurt her, fall full speed on my dodgy finger, bruise my knee and hit my nose on Leo’s helmet…. It hurts, I think I will get a very bruised nose and am glad I do not wear glasses!

Resting today is good for my voice, but will see what tomorrow will bring!

My lungs are sore, I think about metastasis, but then I realize that I always have that issue since my pneumonia…. oh well! I guess it won’t hurt to make an appointment with my oncologist since the start of my bisphosphonate therapy has been delayed until my teeth are ok and that will yet be another few weeks.

What a luxury to only have first world problems and I don’t let them spoil my happiness, as I am overall jolly, healthy and cancer free…. and I am well aware of how lucky I am, as cancer strikes our little community like a hurricane. Brutal and at full speed! Yes, there are a lot of success stories, inspiring and uplifting, but that does not make the bad news any better! Moaning does not either though…. and therefore we have to – despite the terrible losses – believe in miracles!

Yeah, I lost my voice… great! I am not surprised though… every time I do too much, I survive for a while and then my body stops me! Natural emergency break 😉

Therefore I rest today and the only activity is to go with Markus and the kids to a special „my first time at the movies“ at the Lumen cinema in Düren! What a lovely idea on a rainy day! The light is only dimmed, the sound not too lound and the movie is Janosch’s „Trip to Panama„! The little girl inside me is over the moon and so are my kids, as they inhale their little popcorn bags commenting every move the little tiger and the little bear make!

My first ever cinema movie was the Junglebook! I still remember the excitement, the cosy little cinema with the little lamps on each table…. the big lady selling ice cream. What was your first cinema experience?!

I am off to bed trying to get fit for another two working days – we are trying five hours a day during the last week of my reintegration! A „Go get ‚em, tiger 😉“ is nowadays a „just try to stay afloat“! The days are gone, where I need to prove anything to anyone. My well-being and my kids are my first priority!

Fatigue, my friend, you are still here… sometimes more, sometimes less, but overall, you are a faithful buddy – always around, when I don’t need you!

I am struggling with all and you don’t help – no, not at all – you are a burden! I try to arrange myself with your presence, but as my work hours increase, it gets harder and harder… please, pack your things and go! I tried, but you make everyday life tiring – I am doing my best to make our relationship work and you show no effort!

I am nevertheless happy and nothing will take it away – everything might be harder with you, fatigue, but it is all worthwhile and I have a long breath….

I leave the office on an energy low, do ‚t know how to handle the rest of the day and my kids are the ones, who have to cope with me, but we find ways and I go to bed with them…. dog-tired – but happy!

What I really had enough of though, is bad news in our cancer community…. and it makes me awefully sad and speechless! Good night and bring on the good news, the miracles and positive results! It’s about time!

Rehab sport – another first!

I rush in at 8:10, straight into the small gym jam-packed with people from all walks of life. It know that there are less cancer patients and more orthopedic clients, but my eyes take a scroll and I start wondering, who is a cancer buddy. That is the issue – you cannot see it! You might wonder, if the older lady sporting a short hairstyle choose this deliberately or was forced to say good bye to her long hair. I will probably know as the weeks pass by.

I stretch, sweat a little, which might be due to the air getting hotter every minute, but overall it seems to be good for me and I rush to work from there!

I am still at 4 hours work per day and for now only four days a week and still, the fatigue does not get better! I am exhausted, barely keep up with my household tasks and do a happy dance, if I manage to tidy the flat, am proud of every washing machine I turn on and each dishwasher I empty and yet, I only manage a fraction of it all…. yes, babysteps, but I am tired and exhausted while I scroll along the path into normal working life and it scares me that I don’t even have clients yet…. maybe it will get better once I do ‚real‘ work, but for now, it seems like a huge mountain ahead of me.

I pack my ropes, adjust my helmet, take extra carabiners and walk step by step towards the trail up to the top. I focus on the here and now, place each foot in front of the other one, I see the flowers along the path and try not to look up, ignoring the long climb ahead of me! Life right now is beautiful – I enjoy my kids and all that is happening right now! I am still on track!

Onward and upwards! It is #throwbackthursday #krebsfreidonnertag – I learned how to climb, I will get there again!

A first of the month, my first month of reintegration completed, my first steps towards a normal working life and I try my best, but I am far away for normality and I am scared!

Do you know what scares me more though?!? A reoccurrence of my cancer – and that is why I #feelitonthefirst!

Cancer does not discriminate, nobody is safe…. old & young, fit & fat, vegan & veggie, pregnant & parent, tall & small, blond & bald, boss & bellboy, boy & girl – everyone can get it! No matter what you do…. it does not play by rules and is always lurking around the corner!

And therefore it does not help to close your eyes – talk about it, tell your loved ones to look after themselves and check your body! Feel it, listen to it and if you are in doubt, go and see a doctor you trust!

Not all tumors can be found by self examination, but you have nothing to loose…. it is a win win! Know your body – you wash it (probably) every day!

Early detection makes such a difference! Time is a factor you actually CAN control, if you check yourself regularly! Off you go – it’s in your hands!

The struggle is real!

Babysteps – this is the only way I gonna get around my daily life! I juggle my kids & their activities, the laundry, grocery shopping and tidying the place (oh, what a mess it is) with work and therapies & sport!!

To be honest – nothing is happening at work yet…. I have no clients, no work tasks, but I simply try to get my chemo brain to concentrate on getting my head around new systems, organizational and structural changes. I feel overwhelmed though and simple tasks make me sometimes feel completely incapable… babysteps!!

I feel improvement though and finish work early to go to lunchtime yoga! My afternoon telephone conference is at the same time when my kids go to their sports class and therefore it feels like I got this, but sometimes my mind spins…. as I still have Markus‘ support in the mornings. Will I manage? There is only one way to find out …..

I just do it, I try and having negotiated Wednesday off, gives me that little break to catch up on everything! Babysteps!!

Yesterday another cancer blogger passed away! It shocks me and puts things into perspective. I appreciate the things I do manage, every time I am at yoga, every task I do. I am grateful to be alive and happy to struggle back into normality!

I am exhausted – leave work a bit early, as my eyes are burning…. I am off tomorrow and apart from sport, nothing is planned – I need some time off….

I would love to tidy our flat, sort things, re-organise and be creative….normally I am a multitasker, a jack of all trades, always get everything done somehow, but today I listen to my body, get some food, make a tea and chill on the terrace before picking up my kids!

This isn’t procrastination – this is quality of life! Enjoying the here and now…..

I still had a voucher from Kiss the Inuit and now check out my new t-shirt! Good times are now and ahead!

Can’t wait to find out when our first podcast #2frauen2brüste will be launched…. not today though!

Normality hits me in the face, but in a good way! I have to multi task normal life and cancer aftermaths and I am enthusiastic, but completely exhausted! Flat out after a three day week!

It crossed my mind that I could go straight back to working 80% in order to generate some income, but hey, I am exhausted after three days …. and we are not talking about full working days either, therefore I will continue with the reintegration and hope that I either get my allowance from the pension fund or I have to go through the hassle to apply for unemployment benefits – at least I am not working all my hours yet and somehow have to fit it in!

2 1/2 hours yin yoga bring back my cool and I love that everyone is running around in shorts, being in Easter holiday mood and I simply blend in, as I put my shades on end enjoy the breeze on my bike! Hello summer!