I am online…. all is back to normal! Is it?!?

Well, yes and no – the topics are still the same, the clients & the colleagues only changed partially, my desk is the same and in my calendar are still all my regular entries from three years ago! There are routines and codes that are familiar, numbers I remember by heart and somehow it feels like I have not been away!

Then there is the new technology that I have to get used to, ok, but the IT guys and team colleagues are guiding me through, but the big difference is inside though! I have changed and this is what makes it all different! I am no longer the same, my priorities have changed and my mindset has as well…. but we are slowly getting to know each other – the new me and the old job!

While the familiar routines feel like a cosy safety blanket, the shoes I am trying to fit into are still a bit tight and need some getting used to and I am glad when I come home that I can slip into my worn out slippers 😉, as my routine at home seems to be working ok. We run out of bread and milk occasionally, I only do the laundry now and then, but we get by as Markus still supports me a lot with the kids! Thank you!

Cancer is still lurking around the corner…. but only occasionally and it is no longer the cardinal point and somehow, looking back, it never was – it played a main character, for sure, but never the lead! And yes, yesterday a back pain set my imagination running wild, but that is a small part of my new normal!

This is a post that has to stand alone – hence there are two today!! Today was Benni’s funeral!

#tobenni #elcheffe #cancellingcancer #krebsisteinarschloch #nomorewordsneeded

What a day – 2 hours at work – 2 root canal fillings…. over and out!

Today, marks the first step towards healthy treats to start my bisphosphonate therapy…. not that I am particularly keen, but to loose my jaw bone isn’t a good option either 🥴 The bisphosphonate therapy is supposed to increase my bone density in an attempt to reverse my osteopenia and make it harder for metastasis to settle in my bones!

Step one – take out the old filling and clean the root canals…. Pfew…. it stinks like an old fish pond! Why do I need have clean root canals?!? Any infection – and there is one on my jaw bone – needs to be gone prior to starting treatment, as I risk loosing my jawbone all together 🙀

I am scared, but here is a praise to Christian Siepe – it does not hurt at all, seems very professional and I look forward to my next appointment in four weeks time. I am forever grateful for saving my teeth and my bank account!

What kept my mind super busy though, is a chat with Arge, who are responsible for my allowance from February 6 until now…. I am in trouble not having seen a penny and what do they tell me today?!?! They are currently checking, if I am entitled to it?!? Are you kidding me?!?!? Months after I applied for it?!?

The issue is apparently that my sick leave started straight after my maternity leave?!?

Option A – they pay

Option B – they don’t and the Health insurance will pay

The only issue I have – I am only entitled to sick pay up to March 9 and I would have to apply for unemployment benefits afterwards…. I am gasping – the bare thought and the word application and all the associated work and paperwork …. ahhh! I need some fingers crossed and good nerves I guess!

The good news – the health insurance is paying for my DVT (3D X-ray). Yipehhh!

That is what it’s like to be back at work?!? I don’t have a feeling yet, as all my technical equipment is not working yet, but I look forward to slowly move back into working mode!

Being with my colleagues feels like I have not been away and the reception was wonderful!

Today I am supposed to see my psychologist before going to the office, but I already get confused and go to work…. well, I am already extremely tired not having really started yet, but I am glad it is only two hours 😉

#feelitonthefirst

Today is my first day back in the office – how exciting!! But most importantly – it is the first of the month and time to check your boobs!

At the Blogger4Charity round table, we all said it again! There is no early detection programm in place for young people! It is in your hands and you know your body best! Five minutes can save your life!

I paused my working life for 18 month due to breast cancer, but because I found the lump, it was ‚only‘ 18 month and I am still here!

Tomorrow marks the big day! Back to work after three years!!

How did I use my last weeks? I sorted, cleaned, try to tick off my to do list, which had been sitting there forever in the aim to have a clean start…. time is always too short though! It is the same with any project, dissertation, presentation…. I have mastered the art of procrastination over the years…. anything I do, I do it last minute – and then I am highly concentrated and efficient, totally focused, but in a way I always wish I had more time left 😉

I look forward to seeing my colleagues and I have respect, when I think about juggling working life, therapy life, kids and household tasks… but I look back and I see all that I have achieved during the past three years!

I had a lot of struggles, but overall, I gained so much – mainly friends! This is to my bosom buddies and all the friends and connections I made in the cancer community and outside – my life has been enriched with all of you – virtually or not! Thank you for being there!

#zusammenalt #zusammen #busenfreundinnen #together #bosombuddies #nomorewordsneeded

The first Blogger4charity round table calls and we are all there. Jenny collects me with her little car and Rossmann provides the location, equipment, catering, etc….

Like any event, initiative or action taken by Blogger4Charity, the message is awareness and education! My bosombuddy Paula gives a talk about self care, Mamazone provides breast models with and without tumors to give the subject a ‚feel‘, the Mammo Mädels speak about diagnosis and Julia sings!

We are not getting tired to speak about breast cancer, give it a face and a voice in order to raise awareness and people like Natalie and her #Blogger4charitycrew do it in a wonderful, personal way with a lot of attention to detail! Kudos! #nevertooyoung

At the end, Samantha, 26, talks about her metastatic breastcancer and how she prepares herself for a possible fatal end (not that it is anywhere in the near future) and shows so much serenity, that we all listen in awe with the utmost respect ❤️ I am speechless…. and that does not happen very often! We all stay strong together and have her back!

Sports is key for beating cancer fatigue and getting back into a ’normal‘ life.

There is a certain form called rehab sport and the pension fund pays for it for six months…. already the name makes me shiver, but I agreed to see them after my running mamas round at LaufMamaLauf for an informative talk.

The place looks grim and all I see are machines and old people! I generally do not like machines, but sink into a chair to listen to the bearded gentlemen, who slightly reminds me of my gym teacher and I search for the missing whistle around his neck. He might sense my aversion towards the place and says that they do rehab sport is in a separate class room on mats and other than the area with all the machines, there are windows and the group only has 12 members. I slowly get used to the idea, but strictly decline an additional membership for unlimited use of the other classes and all the machines…. not my cup of tea – sorry 😉

The course is tailored to orthopedic rehab patients, which I think is actually a benefit, as I have a pre examination with them, where they document my physical fitness & overall constraints and the training then targets the problem areas, which a lot of rehab sport classes apparently cannot do!

The class is early Thursday morning and I will try to fit it in with the rest of my family, working and therapy life 😉