It’s summer time, 30 degrees and we are at Svenja & Ralf’s garden party! Wow, what an event with unicorn jumping castle, trampoline, splash pool, sand pad and all the toys you need for the kids to be entertained for hours! Plus all the friends, food and drink to keep me entertained for hours! Yes, I just need to grow a beard now to look like my friend Michael 😉 We stay until the early evening, put the kids‘ PJs on and hope they fall asleep on our way home ❤️… well, there was hope, but the kids are awake despite being exhausted beyond belief.

My energy level is ok and during the low stretches, I chill in the jumping castle or in some shady seats! I am really doing well 😀

Today I have the opportunity to try a Chike – the cargo bike our friends have developed for years, which is finally available for sale! It is amazing – it feels like a proper bike, as you can cut a corners just like with an ordinary bike and as an eBike version, you can cruise effortlessly! Wow!

Despite all the fun…. it is the first! Check your boobs! If I had not felt it early enough, this story might have taken different turns – my journey is not over yet, but I am positive, as my tumor had not spread yet and at the moment I am cancer free, while radiation and chemo is trying to kill anything that might start growing again!

I have my time out with Christina and recharge my batteries… ok, I don’t leave the house until way past 8pm, there is no energy to dance the night away, but we have a nice evening with the InterNations people, sit in bed and chat a lot and I have a lay-in and a wonderful relaxed start into my day … chilling, talking, coffee … hmmm… just my thing! Thank you ❤️

Day 2 of my FeelGood challenge suggests the following practice: wear a bracelet, which is easy to remove and whenever you speak in a negative way about things you cannot change, e.g. the weather, people, whatever…, you change swap it over to the other wrist. Goal is it to wear it for 21 days on one wrist! I shall give it a go and since I wear tons of bracelets anyway (somehow the amount increased dramatically when I got my diagnosis, but I love them and try not to become Wolle Petry), I picked the one from Sonja, who I met during chemo!

The rest of the day is splash pool fun and chillaxing with the kids and my friend Doro, another kindergarten mummy and a friend, who – despite all my efforts to persuade her not to do so – moved to Jülich, comes over for coffee and cake and it is really nice to see her again! Last day I saw her was one day prior to my diagnosis …. I guess the Aloe Vera gloves and socks from her come in very handy now to prevent the red hands and feet from chemo pills 😉

#stepupfor30 finals…. what to do? Something special? Extraordinary? Well, I can barely lift my arms after tennis 😂… maybe just a quiet send off with an evening jog before it is Markus‘ time to go out tonight, but no, there is no time for that and the finale is a relaxing evening practice of yoga, which I will do right after doing posting this. Good night everyone and thank you for all your support during my 30 day challenge – keep your eyes open for my next challenge to support DKMS LIFE (a subsidiary of DKMS, who fight blood cancer through stem cell donations), who run the „look good feel better“ programme in Germany, offering cosmetic seminars and a hair programme for cancer patients!

#stepupfor30 – 1 hour of Tennis wit Lutz at Kölner Tennis Club let’s the day start on an all high, as he is the type to compliment one all the time – probably just to make sure that I book another lesson, but who cares 😉

Today is busy, as I have lymphdrainage, a little good bye in Mia’s Kindergarten, while Simone takes Leo to music school and I take both kids to Mia’s Kindergarten Summer Party…. but in return, I get the evening off, go with Christina to the InterNations TGIF Party in ABS and stay overnight at her place! A sleep in ….. whooohooooo!

First day of my chemo free week – I should be happy, full of energy, enthusiastic, as it is a nice sunny day….

What a dreadful morning – I want to rest, as I am exhausted, get stuck on stupid series (never ever did I want to start one – how could this happen?!?!)… tired, sad, thinking too much, crying …. the whole enchilada. It is times like this I reflect my whole life, think that I wanted things differently, think that at times I did not really live my life to the fullest. Well, right now I cannot do that either, but I know I need to stop thinking and start living again. Normally I am quite good at it, but when I get the blues, I am not…

Thank goodness our household is starting work in the early afternoon – shower, clean myself up, do a post office run and try to mobilize the energy to take the kids to the public pool after Kindergarten! Only then I realize that I did not drink anything all day – that will change now!

I arrive quite late at the pool, but with the kids already in their swim gear and since I did not find anyone to go with me, I go by myself, have icecream, swim, go to the playground and even manage the big slide – it is a really scary one too and if it wasn’t for the kids, I would have gone down again. I bump into Steffi and Maja and can barely say hello, but I enjoy it ❤️

The pool afternoon is a winwin, as I ask Markus to pick us up and get time to swim for 30 minutes for my #stepupfor30 challenge while they have fries, which means dinner is also sorted and we get home past bedtime. Check out tomorrow’s activity – you will be in for treat 😉

Oups – tomorrow is Mia’s last day in her baby kindergarten and I still have to bake a cake…. no problem – I have energy now and just finish before my telephone date with my ship buddy Cheryl-Ann 🤗

#stepupfor30 – I mobilize my last energy resources and go running with the Mamas…. today in football shirts – go Germany go ….. the afternoon will be spent rather passively, watching the game with friends and kids and I stocked up on fan merchandise…. nothing can go wrong now!

Why? Because I want a bit more football euphoria – this worldcup is missing Turkey, Italy and the Netherlands…. onwards and upwards! Black, red and yellow flower chains, face colours, wigs, tattoos, candy…. bring on today’s game! I collect the kids, we are all dressed, I paint all the kindergarten kids‘ faces with my new tricolor pen and meet the Mummy gang & kids to watch the game!

Well, think again – Germany is out, the streets are quiet again….there won’t be public viewings with cheering German crowds for the rest of the Worldcup and it is sad, but that’s the way it is.

Markus picks us up and I take my last chemo pills for this cycle before we cycle home! 1/8 is in the books and I have a week off chemo now! Time to go for autogenic training and my merchandise can still support Belgium, I guess 😉

Highlight of my day – my host parents from the States call to say that they are visiting Germany in July and think I have not seen them since 1991, when I was staying with them…. I was 17 then 😂

After a coffee with Nina and a Thai massage with Maja – note to self: Head massages make poodle hair and I need to make an appointment for a haircut – I am ready for a trip down memory lane to pioh, my chemo center. Memory lane?! Well, yes and no – I am not on the heavy chemos anymore, but I am doing chemo pills and need regular check-ups.

It is lovely to see nurse Fassbender, who wants to flush my port – sorry, but I no longer have one – and examines the insides of my hands …. apparently they are red, but not too much and I am being asked if the soles of my feet are red/ hurt. No, I am fine – no diarrhea and no vomating and the dosage will be increased to 4 pills of 500 mg morning and evening, which brings me to 82% of my dosage, which is calculated by body surface, which increased over the past few months (unfortunately due to weight, not height 😉). Tomorrow I will be taking the last chemo pills of my first cycle and my body can rest for a week – 1/8 almost done 🎉

I somehow like being back at pioh, have a jacket potato at the Bear Salad place afterwards, scroll around the second hand shop next door and grab a bag of licorice from Bärendreck Apotheke. I have to visit the oncology regularly, but I am glad it’s only brief rendezvous, as the weather is way too nice to spend it there and during the winter I did not mind too much…

Today is Mia’s first official visit to Leo’s Kindergarten, where she is starting next week. Another big step and it will be so much easier to have both kids in one place

…. it reminds me when Leo started Kindergarten there and Mia was just a little baby ❤️ My energy level hits rock bottom, when we leave Kindergarten and all three of us go home, skip Leo’s gymnastics, the kids play in the sand pad and I rest on the sofa 😉

#stepupfor30 – I booked a trial tennis lesson with Lutz for next week. It will make up for not doing any exercise on Sunday 😉 and I end the day with 30 minutes of restorative yoga calming body and mind – I am thrilled to have discovered yoga tutorials on Amazon Prime…. a whole new world is opening up 🙏

I watch a movie during the night…. and I am so emotional lately. I cry my eyes out and cannot fall asleep. It is a happy movie about people falling in love, having babies and my hormones play tricks on me. Yes, I really wanted another baby, wanted to be pregnant again, nurse another baby and yes, I should not be ungrateful, should be happy for what I have, etc etc…. should whatever. I love my two kids and they are the best that has ever happened to me and I know I am over 40, but I was already, when I had child number one and my dream was always to have four kids…. There were years when I thought that I would have to get used to the idea of not having any kids and having two was the biggest miracle ever! But I could have had another one, maybe, perhaps ….. the thing is that I would have loved to decide this myself – and not the cancer!

The day starts with bad news – another breastie in remission has metastasis…. this is so unfair and I no longer want this stream of bad news! People starting to live their lives again, smiling and laughing, while cancer kicks then in their bum…. but you picked the wrong ones 😉

My first appointment is music therapy and I am so lethargic that I need a taxi to have any chance to make it on time, the psycho oncologist cancels – thank goodness – and then a kids psychologist is the next appointment in line.

She reassures me, helps me to feels less guilty and says that the way I handle the situation makes sense. What did I do? I was open about the situation, spread the news about my cancer and went to Kindergarten without hair…. I did not want any talking behind my or worse behind my kids‘ back. And I wanted the cancer to be a normal part of our life. I chose the strategy to be offensive instead of defensive and as I talk a lot about anything, it would have been weird not to talk about the cancer…. it is nice to know that I can contact her any time and so can Markus.

I have the book „why does Mummy wears a hat during summer“, which I got from Eva, but she gives me a copy of „Chemo-Kaspar„, which seems to be good for small kids as well and refers me to a brochure, which I actually have at home – unread 😉

I leave feeling happy, supported and that any issues I face right now are really first world problems.

I lunch with chemo buddy Claudia, which is uplifting, I pick up Leo and his Kindergarten buddy and have a fun afternoon with screaming, laughing, baking waffles and creating my own little Bullerbü ❤️ Who needs four kids, when your kids invite their friends 😉

#stepupfor30 – no worries …. it is Monday and I go to yoga 🙏 and as if it is not enough – I signed up for a 21 day tapping challenge run by some Indian lady for inner peace and a 7 day FeelGood challenge run by a fellow breastie…. no physical activity involved here though 😉

#stepupfor30 – I need a timeout today…. maybe I overdid it a bit and maybe it’s the new chemo…. my body is hurting like I ran a marathon! Knees, hips, legs, arms, back, hands, fingers….In the afternoon, Markus and the kids leave for a bike trip and I can rest, which really helps! The intention is to go for a swim, but I have zero energy! Sorry, I will be up and running tomorrow 😉

23/30 of my #stepupfor30 challenge and I need to cheat a bit, as it is physical activity, but not in a sporty way…. I carry all our flea market items to the front yard, set it up and unfortunately pack almost all away again – I am gobsmacked and cannot move for the rest of the day! I am done and since every part of my body hurts – some of the credit certainly goes to the highheels I wore yesterday though 😉 – I consider my 30 minutes of physical activity are in any case in the books!

I put a lot of the leftovers on Ebay and will watch the football from the couch….. if I can stay awake this long 😂

#stepupfor30 – 7:30 am and I am jogging through the botanical gardens…. it is gorgeous, but I am tired… time for coffee with Maja ❤️

Tasty Pasty Co – the new shop on Schillplatz… what a brise of fresh air and little England in the heart of Nippes ❤️ …. my hope for a slimmer me is out of the window – today Maja and I have coffee, but I cannot wait to indulge myself in cream team, afternoon tea, shortbread …..hmmm!

Why do I meet Maja? She has the matching scarf to my light summer dress and since it is a bit cold, I need something to cover up…. feeling like a right Mrs. Bucket in my all colour matching, which is not really me, but you know what – I love it ❤️

Talking about colours and fashion – my dresscode used to be black, grey, dark blue…. sometimes a happy light grey or white, but since my diagnosis, I fancy wearing brighter colours! Watch this space…. I might turn into a fashion blogger 😂… not really!

We are off to Bernadette and Eric’s wedding and despite the fact that I never considered to get married, I looove going to other people’s weddings, am super romantic and the first one to cry! It is a lovely day and after church we take a boat across the Rhine river to the party location, which is perfect with a terrace overlooking Bonn and the river. I meet lovely people, see beautiful pregnant Miriam and am happy to sit next to Eva during dinner – who is also a cancer survivor and helped me a lot during my first days of being diagnosed ❤️

We actually stay until well after dinner and I am sad that I don’t have the energy to dance, but I am super proud that I managed the day this far and we are all tired on our way back home now!