It is 8.00 am and we are at Vinyasa Slow with Murni during which I actually start crying and actually have to pause, as it is too much for me before breakfast, but I did at least a bit. Somehow my emotions start flowing out and somehow I hope that this is a sign of letting go the worries and troubles of the past months. After our morning routine with swimming and breakfast, Silke and I are parting. She is going to the airport to meet her husband in Bangkok and I am going to a Balian – one of the local healers/ helpers.

What an experience….I go this temple outside Ubud where the healer lives. Made is there to translate and after a lot of praying, an offering and talking, I have to lay on my back between Made and the healer. He puts holy water on different parts of my body, spits in between and presses his finger (or is it a stick?) deep into different points in my body. It hurts, but they hold me down and I have to breath deeply, while he keeps pressing. Afterwards we go outside and he rinses my head with holy water (thank god I have no hair) and I have to wash my face, chest and boobs with it. I cannot say that I feel different, but I guess it does not do any harm and there is a bit of crying again. I get a little meditation homework to take home and feel quite exhausted and have a very quick rest in my new room.

I miss Silke, but see Punnu for meditation, which is very unspectacular today, but I think my account for emotional experiences is simply full 😉 straight to Yin Yoga with Eka, which is amazingly calming, quick dinner at the Café and I am off to the Tibetan Bowl Meditation tonight 🙏

Hair update – there is fine fluff growing on my legs and arms…. and funnily also on my hands and throat 🙄

„Are you sisters?!?“ ….very single day – even the suggestion that we are twins comes up a few times…. I know Silke for 26 year and we were never ever considered sisters 😂 maybe soul sister?!?

I took my nail polish off my toes yesterday and what a sad picture it was…. they are white, yellow and black and I almost took them off all together when removing the nail polish, as they literally are hanging on one threat…. Despite the fact that I cannot wear flip flops with these nails, I repaint them and realize that the nail polish acts like glue! Finger crossed that it helps them to hang in there just a little bit longer until my new toe nails have grown fully underneath, please 🙏 I am grateful for my weirdly shaped fingernails though – at least they seem to stay in place and the bumps and colours are growing out quite nicely 😉

It is Silke’s last full day here and we take it easy – no 7:30 Kundalini Yoga with Greg! We swim and go to Yin Yoga with Levi and then plan to go to Crystal Bowls Meditation, but it is cancelled, as only the bowls are there, but nobody to replace Shervin…. Instead we have inspirational conversations at the Café – what a magic melting pot. The people come from all over the world and everyone is on a little journey and carries a little package! Everyone shares stories of broken hearts, traumas and tragedies and the positive that comes out of it. They are stories of people, who follow their hearts ❤️ My cancer story fits in quite nicely 😉😂

We let it all sink in while meditating with Punnu. It is a beautiful meditation today and I only shed a few tears and am happy and peaceful.

The metastasis on my head turned out to be a mosquito bite. I am not the type to panic, but these thoughts do arise whenever something feels weird and I am sure it will always be like this in the future, as the necessary caution is something that goes hand in hand with a little bit of fear.

Ubud has two sides to it …. there is the quiet street on one side of the Yoga Barn, where we used to live until yesterday, with the little temple like house entrances, which are typical for Bali, the smell of incence from the little offerings placed in front of every small shops, temple, restaurant and shrine gives it a magic feel, while school kids, vendors and local salesmen smile at you and spread this calm and yet cheerful vibe. The Ubud Aura Retreat Center, which is a savaged temple like little gem from a different world in the narrow alleyway that leads from the Yoga Barn to the Main Street, perfectly fits into this feel.

Entering the Main Street, a whole different world emerges with larger restaurants, massive hotels, bars, tourist services, supermarkets, 24h kiosks all squeezed next to each other – vibrant, flashy, busy and noisy and more of a tourist hot spot than our little peaceful heaven. Police jump on the street whistling and waving, stopping the traffic for us to cross. We decided to skip restorative yoga and hit the party mile for a Saturday night out, but it isn’t a big night and we rather stay in our little magic world off the main road 😉

„It’s really cold today!“ I look at Silke in awe…. and she adds „only 26 degrees!“ 😂 Sunday – a hazy day to rest and relax with swimming, breakfast and massage is on the agenda …. there is Pranayama with Greg at 9:15, but chilling on our mansion like balcony overlooking the pool beats Mr Charisma …. sorry – we will join you and Punnu tonight for Kirtan 🤗

I almost shaved my head again today, as the hair on top of my head it not keeping up with the growth on the sides and I am afraid I will have a chaplet, but I decided that I can always go for a combover, if the sides continue at this speed 😉

The Balinese people are simply amazing – we receive so much kindness, happiness and love, while they spread a feeling of calm and peacefulness! I love them!

After a change to the Ubud Aura resort – I am still in awe by the German efficiency we seem to have in us, being at the new hotel by 9am with swimming, packing and breakfast – we give Beginners Tai Chi with Dave a try (very interesting), followed by meditation with Greg with the calmest sonorous voice, I could have listened to forever…..it rains heavily during the entire meditation and it is the most beautiful atmosphere. We hang out in the cafe, make inspiring acquaintances, have vegan food and chill until restorative yoga with Carin….

I love my hairgrowth and am touching my head all day long…. by the end of the week I can probably braid it 🤗 Go and grow grow grow and why are my lashes and brows are not growing yet?!? Come on …. 😉

It is wonderful to live next to the Yoga Barn – no more being drenched while walking home and I can rest in between classes and don’t have to be all the time in the Yoga Barn Café 😉

From day to day I am regaining strength physically and mentally. When I left Germany I was too exhausted to even start arguing with my insurance company, but today is the last day to object to the cutting of all my benefits and I feel strong enough to write two letters. Whatever the outcome, I did not surrender without making my point!

Today, we try Gentle Yoga – very calming and relaxing – and afterwards sit in a corner of the Yoga Barn Café like Stadler & Waldorf watching people pass by, I speak to the kids and simply rest & relax before meditation with Punnu 🙏

As we leave there is a queue forming and ropes have been put in place. We wonder what it is for …. „Ecstatic Dance – it is really popular and people start queuing about three hours in advance, then get tickets an hour beforehand…. it is super popular!“ a skinny American girl informs us! „Excellent! Let’s go to the cafe – the WiFi will be much faster, if everyone is queuing“ is Silke’s conclusion and since I have a crown massage (head, neck & shoulder) lined up, this is what we do 😂

OMG – why did I not think about this earlier?!? Having a head massage without hair is the best ever …. and I think Ani, the masseuse, is equally happy to massage without hair, as I am to not face any pulling of my hair 😉 Additionally this Ayurvedic treatment with hibiscus flower paste, which stays for a while under a banana leave on my head, will probably support my hair growth tremendously 😀

There is very heavy rain, while I enjoy this heavenly treatment under a roof in the nature and I shortly wonder, if the ecstatic dancers are still queuing?!?

My insurance company is incredible…. now I received a letter that they are cutting my sick benefits 1st-6th February, because my sick notice for the period 1st-28th February was isses only on the 6th?!!? Thank you – funnily enough this was never an issue in the past 😉 I sent them an email objecting, but do I care?!?! Not a bit….

Spiritual healing continues… off we go to a temple for a cleansing ritual and our little group is amazing! There is Anya from Russia, who survived breast cancer when she was only 24 and actually praises the anti hormon therapy?!?!? Chris from New Jersey, who had testicular cancer 14 years ago amazes me. He is my age and was part of the 5% where the cancer treatment did not work, but finally beat it, became addicted to his post cancer drugs and ending up with an heroin addiction and being in jail for bank robbery. Despite the drugs being available in jail, he managed to quit them and started training his body. He has completely sorted out his life and even quit smoking and alcohol…. this guy is an inspiration and I hope that he will find the time to write a book!

We all go to see a Shaman afterwards and I really don’t know, if I had any intentions, but I leave with homework! I shall meditate more and she gives me two mantras for healing, while she praises my good intuition…. hmmm!

Well, I am such good girl that we go straight to the Yoga Barn for Sound Healing with Punnu, where I think I actually dosed off a little bit, but this was a long day already. It is raining again, but we are off for a swim and then go to the real world for dinner 🙏

Ommmm…. this is our spiritual awakening day!

We start with Yin Yoga with Denise. This is now our daily must have…. you simply lay there and place tennis balls and other props to work on your fascias. Half an hour later is crystal bowl meditation. „Don’t you think it’s too much?“ Silke worries, but since you only lay on your back and listen – it is a bit like a siesta and last time someone was even snoring 😉 Off we go to Shervin and his bowls and it is very relaxing! Crystal bowls are despite what one might think, apparently a waste product from micro chip producers in Silicone Valley. Someone notices in the 70s the sounds coming from the dumpsters and came up with the idea 😂

We only have time to quickly have a smoothie and call home before Levi welcomes us to his Sharmanic Breathwork session….. and what a breathtaking experience it is….no worries, I am too much a head person to have an outer or inner body experience, but shortly after the music starts, there is screaming and crying, which takes my concentration a little bit away from my breathing. After a while my hands start tickling though, then my arms, my face and my whole head – it is hot and I do not think that it is another hot flash 😉 I shake a bit and I cry and continue to concentrate on the breath ….. Silke and I hug at the end and I am so happy that we are sharing these experiences. It is time to let all the tension go, the months with chemo and the worries….No worries, Torsten, your wife is ok and will meet you on Tuesday in Bangkok as planned 🙏

We relax in the Yoga Barn restaurant, while it starts to rain heavily and chats with Merlin from Sweden. It is already dark by the time the rain calms down a bit …. well, that is what we thought. Just walking to the main road, we are drenched, the streets turn into rivers and there is thunder and lightning …. we told Merlin that it never rains for long periods…. hmmm….. we go to the Ubud Aura Retreat Center, which is right next door to the Yoga Barn, to book a room for the rest of our stay and decide to take a taxi home. It continues to rain cats and dogs, while we sit on our terrace.

We planned an early night anyway, as we are being picked up at 5:50 am tomorrow morning to…. hold your breath….. visit a temple with Balinese cleansing and healing 😜 as promised we are having the full enchilada! Watch this space for some more spiritual enlightenment 😉

It’s Silke’s Birthday and we start the day celebrating Bali style – with Bintang beer after yet another excellent vegan dinner at Sayuri Healing Food….

Meditation and yoga are something that really helped me during the chemo months. Not only physically, but also emotionally and this is why I am here now – meditation & yoga!

This morning I am crying during Yin Yoga with Levi, but I get calmer as I go along. He tells me about his Sharmanic Breathing class the next day and I will give it a try!

The center of our days is the Yoga Barn and we meet people from all over the world, but have enough time for ourselves. We are actually being asked twice today, if we are sisters – I guess they might think I am naturally blond?!?

During the afternoon I have the most powerful meditation with Punnu and when he goes around to place his hands on everyone’s head, I feel heat and suddenly I am sobbing and I have no idea why. I actually cannot stop crying, but leave full of love in a calm and happy state as I leave. I need to let go! Punnu is amazing!

I dry up my tears – time for birthday drinks with Silke …. green smoothies with Chia seeds and then we are off to Woman’s Balance Yoga with Tina, which is apparently working against PMS and menopause sympthoms…. well, I had a hot flash during the last exercise, but who knows 😉 The class was amazing though and as the upper studio in the Yoga Barn is open to all sides we feel like floating in the sunset!

I can be quite unlovable lately, as I am still very emotional, sensitive and complicated, but my friends are very tolerant with me! Thank you for that – especially Silke on her birthday, but also Conny, Simone, Hannah, Maja and all the others for endless chats during sleepless nights, long phone calls, many coffee chats and always listening to me and being there for me no matter how crazy the non-sense is I talk about …. I know I am more on a receiving then a giving end 😘 I look forward to being myself again, but I think I am on a good way and I feel day by day improvements – Bali was the best decision ever….. and I will be a better friend to all of you in the future!

As we jump into the pool before dinner, heaven opens and a tropical shower makes it an amazing experience, before an ‚enchanted‘ birthday dinner at Mama Warung, a local Balinese restaurant next to a little temple, where a ceremony is being held…. I feel like I am in a movie with all the bells ringing – what a magic experience🙏

One funny thing about Ubud is that every restaurant closes at 10pm – we really hurry, but don’t make it before 9pm and decide to go for birthday drinks somewhere else, but the bars are closed as well – guess the yogis are not the best late night customers and we end up with beers from the kiosk and birthday cake on our terrasse once again 😉

One side effect of chemo is menopause. Even if artificial, it comes with the same side effects – hot flashes and I have them all the time….not that it isn’t hot enough here 😉 on a positive note – the humidity is wonderful for my dry sinuses, which are no longer dry 😀!

In Ubud almost everything is vegan, but dinner was delicious ….. a lot of cancer patients try to go for a healthier diet after their diagnosis or when in remission. I think I could easily go vegan and I would not miss anything, as I already drink no milk and am not the biggest cheese or meat fan and I am a happy to go vegan while here, but it would be too stressful at home 😉 There is however no alcohol at the …. and we decide to have a beer on our terrasse at the Desak Putu Putera Cottages.

This has not happened for a while, but I am awake during the night 🙄 I thought that would be better by now…. oh well, I was told that the chemo fun would last for a while….

I love going for a swim before breakfast – pure bliss! Today our spiritual awakening starts with a Yin Yoga session with Denise at the Yoga Barn 😉 – it is a very gentle yoga, just what the beaten chemo body can do and now I can braid my toes …. what is your superpower?!? We basically spend the whole day at the Yoga Barn, with lots of vegan food and drinks, do the Crystal Bowl Meditation and finish with Yin Yoga Healing with Carin with the patter of the rain a very peaceful experience🙏

Anticipating that I would wake up early, I had the naive idea of going surfing at 7am, when it is low tide 😂

The sun shines through the gaps between the wooden planks of my little hut. I feel happy and full of energy. It is past 9am and I have not slept this long for a while….. normally Mia is up between 6 and 7… and this is why I am here, even though I miss them a lot!

We try to talk every day, they send me pictures and videos, I do the same and with the Tonies Box I can tell them a good night story, which they can listen to while I am already asleep ❤️ I make them up every day, as I go along – It is the story about a little mouse and a little bear travelling, which is my way of sharing some of my experiences with them…. In Ubud I don’t want to be online too much and generally don’t like it that WiFi exists practically everywhere, but now I am happy about it, as I can stay in touch with the kids.

By the time I have breakfast, meditate, chat to Suparna and get ready, it is almost time to leave – therefore I relax, read and enjoy the peace and quietness of this place before making my way to the airport to meet Silke.

Missing chemo side effects – I did not have any nose bleeds since arriving in Bali 😀, my mind is calmer today, I can read a whole chapter almost at once, my nails seem to grow faster, my hair growth seems a bit more even (watch the space …. I am monitoring it very closely 😉), joint pains are less – the warm weather helps I guess …. cannot wait for the blown up face and body to get better though (maybe the heat does not help here), but I am happy about the things that have improved!

I meet Silke at the airport and thankfully there is WiFi, so while I talk to the kids, I somehow miss her and she calls me. Off we go to Ubud. Silke and I use the long drive for a catch-up and time flies. On the busy mainroad, there is a little gateway, which could easily be missed and a narrow road leads to this little paradise. From reception you descend to the restaurant and rooms. We are in the middle of a little jungle, right next to the pool ….. I am one happy girl! Ubud – we will check you out later and go for a swim now 😎