#stepupfor30 – cleaning up the cellar and getting the stuff ready for next week’s flea market …. pfewww!! I am so exhausted and my body hurts!

It’s football time – Germany’s first game and we are watching at a BBQ party at Alex and Lea’s 🇩🇪 I am tired, but troll along…. my energy level is decreasing, but during half time break I manage 15 min. on the trampoline with my kids – anyone with pelvic floor issues will understand the level of pride I feel 😂

Not that I am a football fan – I don’t even know all the names of our national team 😉, but during the World Cup, I love the vibrant atmosphere, the community and happiness …. but Germany loses and instead of cheering in the streets, it is quiet and we silently plod home – I am so tired and the hot flushes seem to be stronger than in the past. The kids cuddled up with me for a bedtime story make my heart explode though! I will have a quiet night and am glad that nothing is planned for tomorrow – office day I guess, as there is quite a bit of paperwork piled up next to my flea market mountain 😉

#stepupto30 challenge meets aqua fitness… last time I joined my cousin Sylvie doing it, I was pregnant, but it is fun and a British guy doing picturesque ballet moves, give the whole thing a funny synchronized swimming touch and makes my day….

While getting changed I meet Nadine, who I have not seen for ages – we met at a prenatal weekend class four years ago, met regularly and she making us fit again with fun outdoor exercises – and it is so nice to see her! All fresh and fit, we go back to Sylvie’s place and it happens – oh joy – to be backyard fleamarket time in her area…. Yipehhh – I scroll and buy to much, but love it.

Now it is my turn to look after the kids and we go to Lia’s birthday party, I return with fed kids, who only need to go to bed and I am super proud of myself for handling everything by myself and snuggle with them while reading their bedtime stories and my heart is melting – this feels normal and normal is good! I am not on the full chemo dosis though…. actually my oncologist laughed at me, when I told him my weight „oh, then I don’t think five pills are even enough“ and he laughed again …. I am glad two kilos were just water retention and I am ready to present a lighter version of myself next time 😉

It sounds strange, but somehow I look forward to regularly being at the oncology pioh again, to see nurse Fassbender and the others and to move step by step toward my last chemo pill. Being checked regularly also gives me a certain security and by the looks of it, my bosom buddy Paula and I are on the same schedule and it is nice to do this last leg of our journey with her ❤️

#stepupfor30 – £260 – wow!! I have a treat for you today – my physical activity of the day is called plogging! A mix of „plocka“ (Swedish for „picking up“) and jogging, where you combine running with picking up rubbish…. a win-win sports idea! Thank you Doro for the suggestion! Anyone else having fun ideas?!?!?

I am feeling a bit nausea, but nothing extraordinary and I still manage to drop off Mia in Kindergarten, have coffee with Nisha and rest before I pick up Leo for music school – which is fun nowadays, as I can spend time with Jakob’s mum and my friend Simone while the kids tootle along 😉

My hair is slowly but surely growing into a helmet, but the extreme curls are apparently only a cortisone side effect and will ease away… still, I need a trim!

This afternoon I get another present from my mummy friends – as a new milestone is starting – a Thai massage voucher ❤️

Oh, how could I not mention it – my life has changed! Yesterday was the first day I no longer needed to wear a sports bra 24/7 – one step towards normality and I am happy I can wear everything I want now! The hot temperatures were really calling for lighter clothing…. yeah!

As far as I am concerned now, I am cancer free – the tumor rest is in some petri dish or garbage bin and my new chemo, which I take this morning and tonight, is there to keep the sleeper cells quiet – that is my way of thinking and I am taking step by step back into normality.

#Stepupfor30 – I start the day with an hour of „gentle yoga“ at I’m possible yoga in my purple Bowel Cancer UK t-shirt and love it. The peace on the wooden deck, the singing birds, the blue sky and the fresh air…. I ride my bike to Nippes for a joined Thai back massage with Maja and back for physiotherapy with Frau Dietrich. So far, a lot of appointments, once again, but they are all good for me!

I see the psycho onchologist Frau Gattinger for a last time and it is beneficial as well! I cross the cemetery to take the tube to pick up Mia – two years ago today my buddy Matthieu passed away…. cancer! And I miss him so much ❤️

Lesson learned! I need to slow down…. reflecting the past weeks, tiredness dominated my days and having to be at radiation every morning filled up my scheduled pretty much.

Thank you so much for the support and all the lovely messages – it means the world to me ❤️

I check with my alternative practitioner Frau Kakizaki, if the acupuncture could be related to me being sick and having a headache.

She says that my pulse was prior to acupuncture already showing that there was tension in different elements meaning that my body is trying to mobilize the last energy reserves. I need to recharge my batteries and that headache and vomiting are often a sign that the autonomic nervous system being disturbed…. aha! She also says that I did not gain weight, but have water retention – that could have been it, as the extra weight is gone now 😎

Well, it was simply too much and even though I first attempt to go to the running Mamas, I spend the first half of the day in bed and my first activity is to pick up Leo and going with him to CUT for a summer trim.

Tomorrow morning I will start with the chemo pills – 30 minutes past breakfast and dinner for two weeks! Nurse Fassbender recommended to drink a bit water beforehand in order not to have a dry mouth! Babysteps toward my next milestone and despite some appointments, Maja and I booked a back massage for tomorrow 🤗

Tonight I will go to autogenic training and riding the bike there will be my #stepupfor30 physical activity! And I just saw that we are up to £240 🎉🎉🎉!

I am sick of being sick and tired of being tired….

in a helpless attempt to brighten the day, I paint Mia and my fingernails yellow, but that does not really help. I cry during the night and elements of my conversation with Dr. Reiser reappear on my mind…. the curly hair will go away, „did you have this much grey hair before?“, he asks for my weight and yes, I gained more weight and says that he will even have to increase the dosage now… I feel exhausted and tired. The bare thought of doing my overdue bank transfers tires me…. how shall I ever go back to work?!? Additionally I question my life! It does not help to think about the past, as it is over, but things have to change for me to not repeat the same patterns.

When I wake up, the mood isn’t any brighter, but my kids are adorable, kiss and cuddle and despite the fact that I gained more weight – stupid 5 elements …. stupid porridge … I have to check that with the alternative therapist today…. – I get ready and do my bank transfers and move my tired body towards town for more doctors‘ appointments. I want a coffee with Maja, but I need to see Prof. Dr. Breidenbach, the practitioner Frau Kakizaki and the psycho onchologist Frau Scheulen.

Prof. Dr. Breidenbach is happy with my breast and the next operation will probably happen around Easter and until the it needs massages with Calendula creme.

I can barely keep my eyes open, I have a headache, feel slightly nausea…. but manage to visit Sabrina for about five minutes. On my way to pick up Mia from Kindergarten, I have to get off the tube and just manage to throw up into a garbage bin! Mia and I go home and I sleep, but my head is exploding – no sports today for the #stepupfor30 challenge, sorry!

My first day of freedom?!? Not really! It is nice not to go to radiation for a change, but the next lot of appointments is waiting….

I have a lovely breakfast with Andrea and Simone, but then my gynecologist Dr. Rix confirms that it does not look like that my period is coming back, which means that I won’t have to get the injections to oppress any ovary activities while on anti hormone therapy.

My oncologist Dr. Reiser explains the new chemo cycle, which will start on Thursday. I have to taken Cepectabin (a form of Xeloda) each morning and evening for the duration of two weeks and then pause for one week. Side effects are usually skin irritations on hands and feet and I shall try not to wear tight shoes, as once I have blisters they tend to not heal easily…. ok. He said I should be careful with the sun for one year post chemo anyway and the same goes with this chemo…. what else? Colon issues, nausea, vomiting can happen, but if so, I shall call. We are starting with a small dosage and increase it in week two and then I shall see him again…. I can go away once I know how my body reacts and am allowed to do anything that is good for me.

I am sad now and neither have the time nor the energy to visit Sabrina in Hospital, but will try to do it tomorrow…. I am not happy about having gained weight, not happy to face another chemo and briefly discussed the anti hormone therapy with Dr. Reiser…. if I will do it, I will try Tamoxifen, as there is no medical indication that suggests that I should choose the heavier anti hormone therapy.

I am sitting in the tube with my box of chemo pills and feel alone and frustrated. I pick up Mia and try to do a little plan of what is ahead of me in the next few months…. if I have to do the full dosage, I will be taking my last chemo pills on November 21 😳 additionally our household aid Jessica is sick and I hope all will fall into place anyway!

Highlight of my day – chemo nurse Frau Fassbender – it is great that I will see her again on a regular basis 😀 and somehow it feels good that my blood is being checked and that they will continue documenting my blood levels in my old chemo booklet. Having a routine will also be nice, as it will give my weeks a rhythm…. time to clean myself up and do that next chemo!

Sports for my #stepupfor30 challenge for Bowel Cancer UK – it is Yoga tonight, so I don’t have to think about doing anything else 🙏

A very uneventful day – we visit Markus‘ parents in the middle of nowhere and since Dany happens to live nearby, we quickly stop by and say hello.

Day 10 of my #stepupfor30 challenge and I decide to go for a swim – because I finally can do it again…. yeah! Lentpark has a nature pool and I love it – quick 30 min spin and I am done! Bliss! Well, actually everyone has to leave the water 15min after I start, but I ride the bike there and considering what I have done yesterday, I think that is enough 😉

Day 9/30 of my #stepupfor30 challenge for Bowel Cancer UK – £207,56 raised 🎉 – and am I over ambitious ?!?

Today is the Race for Survival on the other side of the Rhine river. Unfortunately I did not hear about it until two days ago, which is unbelievable, as I am still in treatment and live in Cologne?!? Apparently they promote via a mailing list of 12.000 survivors and seem not to actively include new ones, but some of us found our way 😉

Secondly it might have been a mistake to ride the bike to the run and back, do the warm-up while holding Mia in my arm, doing the 5km and to do the yoga cool down/ stretch?!? And why did I push the pram with Mia and Leo most of the way 🤦‍♀️?!? Whatever it is, I can hardly walk anymore as my thighs are killing me 😜 additionally it was about 1.000 degrees hot and no cloud in sight – I am done for the day, hope I have no sunstroke and will have a really quiet evening now! Pfewwwww…. but I am proud of myself and happy I bumped into Linda again, who I briefly met at the Blogger4Charity event in Düsseldorf in April.

Vino – I really deserve you today!