„Why do you have cancer, Mummy?“ It is the curiosity and honesty of children, which is the purest – this is what makes it the hardest and the easiest at the same time… children ask me directly why I am bald and I can talk about it. I will always prefer that to any talking behind my back, whispering or pretending that I have hair…. well, I think I have just passed a level, where my hair looks purposely trimmed, but you know what I mean 😉

Why do I have cancer? I swallow and pause before I tell my son that nobody really knows why one has cancer and that I was just unlucky, but that it is gone now and I have more treatment in order to make sure that it does not come back! Yes, I really really hope that this is the way it will go …

We are visiting my parents, as my brother Micky and his son Finn are in Meschede. „You have hair in your face!“ Yes, honesty – my nephew is honest, but this is a sore point…. I have new born fluff all over my body…. my arms, my shoulders, my neck and on my face. The face really bothers me and I hope it will soon fall out, as I am scared that if I plug it, it might grow back…. I tell my nephew that I am planning to grow a beard in order to be the main attraction in a circus 😉 If it grows any longer I will plug it and face the risk of terrible regrowth.

We spend the afternoon in H1, a new event location right by our local lake (Hennesee) and it feels like being on holiday – water, sun, a cool location with a beautiful terrace overlooking the Hennesee with great food! Wow – they are building a large playground and you can hire stand-up paddling boards and boats…. This is such an upgrade for the lake, my new hangout for when in Meschede ❤️ and we will go there again tonight with my school friend Frauke!

Radiation 15/28 is done and I am waiting for my first colonoscopy …. whoohooo!

I actually know two women, who work in the endoscopy department in St. Vincent hospital and I am happy they are not the ones doing it…

My two babies were born in this hospital and it is a place I like to be! I am a bit nervous…. what if…. but it does not help anyway 😉

I have to put on sexy x-large shorts with an opening in the back….The team is really nice, but they have trouble finding a vein … thank you chemo – nice side effect, which will probably stay ! As the blood pressure meter inflates for the second time, I realize that they put it on the arm, where some lymph knots are missing …. ahhh! That is a no go, which I have to remember, but I am happy I was not asleep yet and dose off while they check my bowel.

My vision is blury and I am a bit dizzy, when I wake up, get dressed and wait for my results – large and small intestine are all fine and I get a compliment how well prepared and clean it all was….. hmmmm 🤔

I have late lunch and coffee with the girls, slowly walk home with a little rest in the park and look forward to a relaxed afternoon and evening in the garden 😎

Half time ….. whoohooo radiation 14/28 is in the books 🎉🎉🎉

Otherwise I have first world problems today 😉 Tired…. yep, no surprise here. I shall eat only limited dietary fibre due to my colonoscopy tomorrow and from 4 pm I stop food all together and empty my bowel…. ahhhhh…. yuck!

I have nothing planned for today, right …. apart from radiation, where I swish in and out without makeup, bring back some white bread rolls and do … NOTHING until the kids come home and that is the first time since ages! No phone calls, no to dos – it’s not that there isn’t a list of things I have to do, but not today! I linger around in bed, eat and watch movies, etc…. awwww – that’s the life 😍

And now the kids will be home any minute and I have to drink the Moviprep to prepare myself for my first colonoscopy …. wish me luck!

Radiation 13/28 – Ingrid (I actually met her before in the tube, but she was wearing a wig) has the same funny regrowth like me – super strong above the ears…

I am tired, but can rest today after the running Mamas 😀 and actually make it to a Lufthansa event in the evening. Why bother?!? I am not working right now…. but it is fun & food & laughter. It feels a bit like normal life, an after work party and the weather is mild for a walk across the Rhein river!

The fresh air makes me feel alive! Normal life is something I am longing for, but on the other hand, it feels so good to break out of the routine! I just wish I had more energy – today the only task I manage to do is calling my oncologist to arrange an appointment for June….tomorrow I will try the next thing on my list – call the insurance company 😉

Curly hair?!? Yep – despite the ultra short length, my hair is going wild… unbelievable 😂 The rest of me is just tired, tired, tired…. radiation 12/28, podologist, physiotherapy and I am done!

Frau Dietrich, the physio therapist, informs me that muscle ache can be caused by radiation and my aching bones and joints likewise …. hmmm…. why do I always underestimate what my body has to cope with?!?

All day long, my thoughts are with Paula, who has her double mastectomy today … my tough bosom buddy ❤️

I rest for the rest of the day, Anne, Maja & Lea visit, the kids play in the garden and I can barely keep my eyes open now! Good night!

Mia is 2 – and happy that her biggest wish comes true…. chocolate chocolate chocolate! She is tired, but she is overwhelmed, her eyes are sparkling and my heart explodes ❤️

I am tired too, but flow through the day! Radiation 11/28 – I meet Anna again, who will now be doing the rest of my treatment with me, but I miss Frau Schöps today…. All breasties in the waiting area agree that the joints are hurting – when I sit on the floor nowadays, I can hardly get up and feel like I am stone old…. it is good to know that I am not alone!

Music therapy is uplifting and on my way home I bump into my early childhood friend Lars and have a quick coffee with him, which is always an uplifting experience – both Lars and the coffee!

Up up and away – Mia’s godmother Anne from Frankfurt is visiting and I am so happy to catch up with her…. a wee bit! We join Mia’s birthday bash in Kindergarten, pick up Leo and the party continues at home ❤️ what a day!

Sandra and I even manage to have our yearly picture retaken …. well, the original shot was the 12 May, we already had much trouble re-creating it last year and it takes about 100 takes today 🤦‍♀️ Sandra wants to make a movie out of it for the kids‘ 18th birthday and we have to improve the process …. it was a good laugh though and maybe a making off movie with all the out takes would be even funnier 😂

I feel tired out, cancel yoga and am going to bed now! What was the best present? „The house“ … for little dolls – thanks for cleaning up the rest of the mess now, Markus!

„I have been to church once – it is really boring“ is my son’s way to prepare his cousin for what is ahead of them today. I am not a church person either, but my godchild Finn’s communion day is super emotional for me!

He is nine now and I have to cry a few times during the church service, as I am so proud of him and really touched how grown up this little man is already.

When the church service finishes, I turn around and first see Jan – my flight attendant friend, who I studied with in Ealing – then his son Teja and finally his wife Anke …. they are so important to me and I am so happy that they came to Munich! Yep, more tears, but happy tears…. I have to make sure to see them soon again and I am thrilled that they join us for some drinks before lunch in the Menterschwaige ❤️

I am resting a bit at Micky & Anna’s, the kids play and now we are on the train back to Cologne! I am tired and the kids do not give the impression to be sleeping in the near future, but since we are only back in Cologne at midnight, there is a chance…..! This fatigue thing is getting on my nerves, but I am a happy camper and a happy mother – not only because it’s Mother’s Day! My kids give me so much energy, they are my everything and I want to see them grow up! I cannot believe Mia will be two in a few hours ❤️

Ready, steady, go…. after breakfast, I decorate the table for Mia’s birthday, draw on our chalkboard wall, shower and off we go! The train literally departs 2 minutes after we board 😉

I am well impressed with Deutsche Bahn – not only do the kids get toys, no, there is kids animation onboard…. whoohooo! What a great idea!!

Can I have a bad hair day? Theoretically, not, but my curls are back big time…. will I be a Rastafarian?!! I shall not find out, as I plan to keep my hair short, but it might be worth a try 🤔

Hello Munich – nice to see you again!I am tired & chillaxing at Anna & Micky’s is what I need right now! So good to see you ❤️

Radiation 10/28 ✔️

I noticed little blisters after the last radiation, but due to the public holiday, my breast had a day off and now they are gone. I am glad my skin has the weekend to recover.

I am being called in at 8:45am and leaving the radiation center at 8:55am – they actually warn me that it takes a bit longer today as they have to take control pictures to make sure the lines are still in the right place, as sometimes the breast can swell during radiation 😉

I cannot get over it – I am back home 30 min after I left the house….Now it all has to go like clockwork: buy the last ingredients, shoes for Leo and a 2 balloon for Mia, bake & decorate my cakes for Monday, presents are almost all wrapped. No rest for the wicked? I cut everything else out of my day, accept that I don’t have enough red and pink smarties for my cake decoration and rest during lunchtime.

I have a busy, but super fun afternoon with Leo and we all visit our local fair before we have dinner at our local Italian restaurant La Spendula! I just have to finish packing and wrapping and off we go to Munich tomorrow morning 😎

I feel I am really on top of things, I am superwoman in my own terms, as I even finished sorting out the kids‘ wardrobes today …. whoohoooo! Bring on anything – I can handle it!

Nutrician – despite a German documentary suggesting that nutrition can kill cancer, I still think everyone needs to find a way to lead a happy life in whichever way works best and I think that there certainly is a benefit to eat healthy, whether you have cancer or not, but I also think that it is a personal choice how to live and what to eat. This actually goes for everything – or as chemo nurse Fassbender always says – „it is your movie, you are the screen director and you decide what is happening!“…

The only thing I was not allowed to eat during chemo was grapefruit fresh orange and lemon juice due to the acid and I was completely ok …. I did NOT cut out sugars, as the tumor cells need fuel for cell division and the chemo can only destroy the cell during this process. In fact, I ate a lot of sugar…. I have reduced it after chemo and one could point finger and say „see, your tumor was still active after chemo“, but you know, it shrank from more than 2cm to 4mm and it is my movie.

I have always looked after myself, practiced sports and had a healthy diet, which I am keeping and now adjusting, where I feel that I need improvement…. and yes, I still enjoy my life, drink wine, eat candy and unhealthy food, but not all the time and I am interested in healthy nutrician.

Therefore I went to see the alternative practitioner – specialized on traditional Chinese medicine (TCM). The belief is that it is all about energy – Yin and Yang, the calm and the energetic, which needs to be in balance and if in unbalance, it can cause pain and illnesses.

I had to fill a 20 page questionnaire answering all about my lifestyle, nutrician and medical history. There are five elements in the nutricianal concept – air, metal, wood, earth and water, simply to categorize the different parts of your body. I need attention with wood and earth and no, I don’t really believe in the whole concept, but I take the best elements of each theory, which are logic to me and use them….

To get more energy, I should – drink hot water and eat more hot food and less raw, as the raw food actually is too difficult to digest for me (I have tummy cramps), I can still drink the occasional green smoothie, but rather as a small dessert, eat more legumes and limit processed food, fast food, fried food, battered food, spicy food, frozen food, garlic, ginger, onions, pepper, large amounts of cinnamon, dairy, additives, sweets and sugar – nothing new here. I actually started a while ago to eat porridge, never liked milk anyway and I should eat prior to my first coffee….

I love it when a plan comes together – not -we have Simone and her family over for a BBQ now …. good nutrician here we go!