17 September 2017

Saturday was busy – I had the feeling that we should have a picture taken of the family while I still have hair…. which we did – after a 3rd birthday breakfast and before meeting some Moms for a post 3rd birthday get together…maybe I should slow down 😉

Today is the Muddy Angel Run – it is for breast cancer awareness and I was registered with the running moms, but obviously should not dive into mud – therefore another mom took my place. I am so tired that I only arrive after they finished the run, but hey, at least I made it. Today is definitely the most tired day I had so far… and I still feel sick! Sleeping changes as well with chemo – I should drink a lot, but also am awake a lot…it is all a bit similar to being pregnant – though I would rather be pregnant 😉 Gosh, I always wanted to have three or four kids, but that will not happen anymore! I actually asked the doctor and I will probably move straight into menopause after chemo – what an outlook….

This is for you, Alex! – LAUFMAMAs gegen Brustkrebs

IMG_3847

15 September 2017

I have to go back for an injection to stimulate the white blood cell production and get some more infusions of NaCl and Cortisone… I actually feel alright though – still a bit sick, but not too bad! We will see how the weekend goes 😉

I have received so many flowers, presents and cards and appreciate every single one of them! I get little care packages and even people I do not know too well, touch me.

There is a tumor conference once a month – this is where all the experts meet including Prof. Dr. Warm, Prof. Dr. Breidenbach, Dr. Reiser, etc… they discuss each of their patients and decide together which course they will take.I really feel that I am in good hands.

Chemo makes funny things with you – I feel very unsettled, am tired, but cannot sleep, am very emotional, sentimental and am hot and cold. You need to drink plenty to flush the poison out of your body and therefore run to the toilet all the time. Suddenly I cannot stand coffee anymore and they say anything that you eat during chemo, you wont’t like anymore afterwards?

IMG_4698
Thank you to my colleague Inga for all the funny pictures!
IMG_3791
My brother’s reaction 😉

14 September 2017

Actually this would have been officially my first day back at work after maternity leave and instead I have chemo number 1 – ohhh, I am nervous! I have a large müsli (ask they told me I should), drink a lot of ginger water (as Elke recommended), pack snacks, the Headspace meditation app activate3d (as Olivia recommended) and something to read, did download a few movies (decided that it is worth it now to be an Amazon Prime member 😉 and call the taxi. It is dmexco fair and you cannot pre-order one.

Well, it is always the same – when there is dmexco or anuga, everything breaks down in Cologne and therefore I stand for 30 minutes outside the house and wait…. well, as if it wasn’t enough for my nerves to have my first chemo day, I am also 30 minutes late for it….AAHHHH!

First they test my blood – the port under my skin has a little membrane, so they can just take it from there. All fine and now they connect me to the tubes… the port is round and flat and while I have to inhale, they bang the matching counterpart on top of it (my skin is stuck in between and the needle in this pieces goes through the membrane). BAM!

They first flush the port with NaCl and then I am ready to have all these infusions go into my body. There is also cortisone and other medications and then they give me the red one – that is poison number 1 and it should go to the loo beforehand, as it is very agressive and I am not allowed to move while it is running into my body. „Ready for the Campari?“ the chemo nurse is actually really nice and makes me feel relaxed about this whole thing.

After four hours I am ready to go home  with a bag full of medication to cope with any possible side effects. Mom has made chicken soup…. I am sooo tired!

IMG_3786

13 September 2017

I speak to the Taxi company „TaxiRuf Köln“ in order to get everything ready for my free taxi rides – they are insisting that I see them at the other end of town and I can barely talk, as I have two screaming kids. I am frustrated and try to arrange everything…. thank god, she calls back later to tell me that I can actually send it to them as well! Off to LaufMamaLauf (my wonderful running Mamas) again! I cannot do any arm excercises, but all the rest and it feels so good!

In the afternoon I join the „look good, feel better“ make-up course in Holweide. „Why Do you have so much hair?“ well, I am one of the only ones, who do this one day pre chemo 😉

Parminder is in her late 20s and has very short hair, which looks very soft like baby hair – she had finished the chemo in May…. OMG after chemo it takes this long for a little bit of baby hair to grow!??! She also told me that the lashes and eyebrown were first grey, when they grew back – well, they tell us how to put eyebrow makeup on without having eyebrows!

One lady looked really tired when we started and was glowing by the end – it might as well have been the huge bag with complimentary make-up though, which you get.

I managed to get a last minute dental cleaning appointment afterwards – apparently it is fundamental that your teeth are alright and I am grateful.

My friend Andrea tells me about Tatjana Richartz. She is a hair and make-up artist, who used to work for the movies and now has a little salon with hair, make-up and wigs. I have an appointment the same evening.

They are amazing and I cancel the appointment in the grim wig shop straight away.

Talking about wigs. The insurance only pays the minimum of €350, which seems a lot, but if you get something in this range, you look like a playmobil woman. Therefore I will face to pay a bit more, but that is ok.

So many people want to help and Eva said that a regular schedule helps a lot… I think about it and select a few people who I put into the What’s App group „Alex needs help“. This way I have a single point of contact, if I need quickly help with something and they can decide amongst themselves, who could help – with all this in the back of my mind, I think I am ready for chemo No. 1 ….

img_5355-e1509372859577.jpg

12 September 2017

The tiler is here early early and Leo gets all excited and meets him with helmet and all his tools, ready to assist. Bless!

Off I go again to Holweide – bone scintigraphy! Oh joy, once again they inject some radioactive substance and I need to wait for three hours until they can check my bones.

I visit Elke, who is still in B5 and have my first meeting with Beate Rahn, the psycho oncologist – she seems a bit tired and I have the feeling that I should cheer her up, but listen to her. I shall concentrate on my healty cells and come up with images how they protect themselves from the red poison, e.g. wearing raincoats and rubberboots. That sounds a bit boring… well, I worked on cruiseship and my little green healthy cells will go on a cruise and have a lovely time during cocktail parties, while being safe from the poison. Whoohoo!

Back to the nuclear medical department – they check the bones and the doctor … it is the nice one again and I should get his name… says that my bones look ‚unused‘.

I go downtown to our office and have a quick lunch with my colleagues Bernadette and Sonja before meeting my kindergarten friend Lars to go wig shopping. Mom and our babysitter Lilli take care of the kids.

Meeting Lars is often as if we had just seen each other and instead of wig shopping, we just chat away in a cafe.

I enter one of the recommened wig shops by myself afterwards and find out that you actually need an appointment… but the place is scary and very dusty.

I decide to go for dinner to „XII Aposteln“ by myself and catch up on the paperwork – being German I got myself a huge folder for my cancer project 😉

S22C-113090914050_0014
Lars

11 September 2017

Markus is off to Cincinnati for 4 days, but Mom will be here, as I will be radioactive and should not go near the kids the next day….ahhh….Today I should find my way to the pioh center, where the oncologist, Dr. Reiser, meets me for a first chat before the chemo – I was still hoping that we would do the 4 cylces only, but he confirms that we do 4 EC (Epirubicin and Cyclophosphamid) and 12 T(Paclitaxal), that I will loose my hair after the second cycle and that EC has the heaviest side effects – sickness, vomiting, hairloss, low immune system, necessity of blood transfusions, which they can also do… lucky me…, allergic reactions, etc…- but every patient is different. „No worries, I want to do the full chemo“ and Dr. Reiser says he would wish for more patients like me. I double check that I should really not drink ANY alcohol – „you can have some, you might just not tolerate it too well“ hmmmm… he says that sports are actually not only ok, but benefitial for chemo.

The advantage is though that I now get free taxi rides to pioh up to five times a week – yeah!

He wants to start Chemo on Thursday, but I should doublecheck with Holweide, if they see any issues with that… I am a bit sick now after all that, but Maja is not far away and meets me at Cafe Fleur for a quick coffee and drops me off at home. Maja’s friend Sabina did the whole breastcancer thing….I can do it!

Meanwhile I have spoken to Caritas to get someone to help me at home. Markus changed his working times in order to bring the kids to kindergarten in the mornings, but I still need someone to pick them up and look after them until he is home. They have a long wait list, but tell me about an organisation called „Home Instead“ – Frau Raticova assures me that they will arrange someone for the following week, if the insurance company agrees – I like her straight away and try to pronounce her name correctly 😉

IMG_3750
This is next to pioh – I need to tell my friend Hannah about it 😉

10 September 2017

I meet my colleague Eva for a second breakfast and get the book „Why does Mom wear a cap during summer“… Lovely catch-up and off we go to fly home to Cologne.

The Red Cross is wonderful again and while I wait at the bulk luggage for Leo’s car seat, start chatting to a lady, who sits next to me, as she asks what is wrong with me. „Breastcancer“ and she tells me a bit about own experience. Then she asked me when I was diagnosed and I said 10 days ago „I cannot believe how you speak about it having just been diagnosed“ and I make a note to keep it this way.

The car seat arrives in 1000 pieces and he Air Berlin – nevermind that they only still operate because of my tax money – let me down big time…. I am forced to take the pieces home to later prove that it was actually destroyed … ahhh … idiots – how am I supposed to get Leo home without the seat?!?!?

img_3727.jpg

9 September 2017

My bold brother Micky, his wife Anna and the kids Finn (my other godchild) and Janis join us in Freising and we go to their annual fair with loads of rides and great bavarian food.

I feel that this might just be a wee bit too much for day two after the operation and they take Leo and myself back to their place in Munich.

Changing the bandages hurts, but mainly because I have to wear a tight bra 24 hours a day and I have difficulties lifting my arms, as the sentinal wound hurts on the left side, the port on the right side and I do not even notice that the left breast was also operated 😉 – the bandage covers the whole in my breast where the tube with the sole secretion bag was and the plasters are really sticky…. so it really could be worse – Sleeping however is a real pain, but we are getting there.

IMG_3694

 

8 September 2017

Somehow everyone in this hospital thinks that I will stay for another two nights!?!? They want me to keep the bag with the sore secretions, which is hanging on my body and I certainly will not take this home 😉

While they decide, if I can leave or not, I have my first appointment with the Breast Care Nurse, Frau Eßer – what a lovely lady! I get information on a make-up course, wig shops, tips to cope with the side effects of chemo … and there will possibly be a lot and I am being told that I am not allowed to carry anything – GREAT – how shall I fly to Munich with two little kids not carrying anything!?!?

Well, first I need someone to pick me up from hospital and drive me to the airport, then I try to get Air Berlin to give me assistance, but no luck. I actually get the German Red Cross at Köln Bonn Airport on the line and they will help me out! Perfect!

Andrea – one of my mummy friends – picks me up and drives me home. I will only take Leo with me to Munich to make things easier…. Simone – Mummy friend number 2 – picks me up  45 minutes later to bring me to the airport…. Oh no…. I forgot ALL my paperwork, mobile charger and everything from the bedside table in hospital. I will get it on Tuesday!

Everything goes really smoothly, Leo meets some other kids in the plane and Anke (my friend from Ealing) and her daughter Lale (my godchild) pick me up! Great to see them and chill a bit in their garden, while the kids enjoy the trampoline and make pizza for us 🙂

Anke’s husband Jan, who I met during my flight attendant training and studied with in Ealing, show me a book „Cancer cells don’t like raspberries“… Interesting! I have already cut all all white sugar since the diagnosis! I am also drinking a lot of fresh carrot juice, as this should be good 😉 Well, it won’t do any harm either….