#Fatigue – what is that?!?

Are you tired? Why don’t you sleep a bit more?!? If it was that easy….

I check Wikipedia:

Cancer-related fatigue is a subjective symptom of fatigue that is experienced by nearly all cancer patients.

Among patients receiving cancer treatment other than surgery, it is essentially universal. Fatigue is a normal and expected side effect of most forms of chemotherapy, radiation therapy, and biotherapy.^[1] On average, cancer-related fatigue is „more severe, more distressing, and less likely to be relieved by rest“ than fatigue experienced by healthy people.^[1] It can range from mild to severe, and may be either temporary or a long-term effect.

Fatigue may be a symptom of the cancer, or it may be the result of treatments for the cancer.

So, what helps? If only I knew…. I start to feel the fatigue in May/ June during radio therapy and the only relief I had was after my cure in Avène, but it was only that I suddenly had single days, where I would not feel like I had participated in a marathon during the night 😉

Sports helps and now I shall try Talasar pills for 10 days. It is a natural product with saffron…. If there is no improvement, I shall stop using it and I actually would not mind… the Swabians have a reputation of being tight, but €29 for 30 herbal pills?!?! Let’s wait and see….

Since fatigue never stops me, I still join the others to go to Bernau after breakfast on Sunday. We see the snow sculptures – or rather the leftovers – and I hit the slopes for an hour until it storms and rains. What to do?!? I am exhausted and stuck in Bernau, but I find my way home and finish my first beanie in the crafts room with lots of ladies singing along horrible folk songs blasting out of the radio. I don’t like the music, but I enjoy the atmosphere, the colours, the creativity and company.

All is arranged for my rehab extension…. in a way I don’t want to do it, but a) do I think that it will help me and b) am I a bit scared to say no, as I don’t know what the reaction would be and I want to say that I really tried everything to overcome my fatigue and to get fit again!

I miss my kids and they will celebrate Karneval without me….

Oh, and you know what?!? I absolutely love Karneval – not the traditional Karneval with uniforms and lame jokes, but the Karneval in the pubs and streets away from the tourist areas…. the songs in local dialect, which are mainly all about Cologne, heart, Rhine, friends and time! All in different orders though 😉

Missing Karneval means a lot to me, as I will only return a day after it is all over…. but a) Karneval is every year and b) I have celebrated Karneval in the Caribbean, Rio and Düsseldorf and now the list will feature Todtmoos. The festivities started today and they scream „Marie“ and throw gingerbread, costumes seem to be only witches and instruments are horns and drums…. whatever – it will have to do for this year!

After my sports units, I take the bus to Bad Säckingen, which is next to the Rhine river that marks the Swiss border. There is a bridge crossing the river and therefore I have been to Switzerland today! People go shopping on the German side, but live in Switzerland and customs is having a close eye…. I only buy some material though and stuff for the kids, but what a lovely little town.

As the bus drives along the winding roads to Todtmoos, I chat away with the other rehab buddies and some people from Berlin, who are visiting a Zen monastery … we pass the snow line and I am actually quite happy to return to my little winter wonderland!

PS: little correction – I am allowed to eat soup and dessert…. the sign was only for the 1.500 kcal diet patients 😉

The sun is shining and the snow is sparkling. I am slowly arriving in rehab mode and despite moments, when I feel like in an old people’s home, I feel that it is good for me …. the dancing teacher is 80+ and we are all holding hands, but the „what the hell am I doing here“ turns into „whatever it takes, it somehow relaxes me“!

The food is good – I think the restaurant and I just had a bad start 😉 I am now seeing fresh meals and I am asking for what I need. Concerning almond, oat or whatever milk alternatives, I need to talk to them dietician, but I am ok with it and will see her as soon as she is back from sick leave.

After having a bit of a rushed feeling during my first examination, I have my first senior doctor’s visit lined up today and I now feel that they really care.

After listening to my story, she orders a lung function test and says that the fatigue is the main issue. Fatigue is difficult to handle and she recommends Talasar for ten days to see, if it helps, as the German Fatigue society strongly recommends it. She wants to keep me for four weeks to have a better chance for a strong return into my everyday life. I know it is the best for my health, but it is Karneval and despite the fact that the kids‘ costumes are ready, I need to make sure that I still have the household aids, etc. before I can say yes.

She will then recommend to starts back into working life after 4 weeks as slowly as possible! Babysteps….

And now, I have Qi Gong, a talk, aqua gym and I will use my daily walking unit to explore Todtmoos and go with a rehab buddy to the hairdressers – she needs a trim, not me, but I can probably do with a little clean up around the edges 😉. It is beautiful outside and I cannot wait!

What is this?!? Prison?!? A boarding school?!?

I cannot really say what I think about it all and will give it time, but there are strict rules and if you forget to sign at mealtimes, they come and find you! If you take soup, you are not allowed any dessert. What?!? And despite the fact that they emphasize their aim for a regional and healthy cuisine, I am not impressed to see tetra pack eggs and long life bread sealed in little plastic bags…. it can only get better.

The rain does not help my mood and I don’t see it yet, but I will give it a chance… I have been welcomed, examined and I am waiting for my therapy plan now!

The people I met so far are nice and I am thrilled to see the crafts room with sewing machines and lots of materials and cannot wait to go for a swim! They do not allow any breast cancer patients into the sauna though 😢

What I really enjoy though is the peace and quietness…. I am tired beyond belief and plan to rest after lunch, but this is when my therapy plan for the rest of the week kicks in – walking is planned and despite the rain, I think this is exactly what I need! Onwards and upwards 😉

Today is THE day…. I have packed – yes, my skies are traveling along…. you never know – and I am on the train to rehab!

I really look forward to me time, to get fit again and to mindfulness. The train is not the fast ICE, but the Eurocity, slowly winding it’s way along the Rhine river. The sun is shining, the river misty and I am happy to let my eyes and mind wonder.

I might not be posting every day, as I will use the opportunity to digitally detox a bit – I will see how it goes, but will definitely share my rehab life, progress and experience.

I am dosing off, am already unwinding and continue to enjoy my ride to Freiburg, while little villages, the Lorelei and deserted vineyards pass by.

Last night, yes we can_cer invited me to see the premiere of „Red Band Society“ movie!

I have never been to a movie premiere and help promote yes we can_cer, but also have a great evening! Yes we can_cer’s aim is a fearless cancer communication without tabus amongst everyone, patients and anyone connected to cancer! Check them out and get the app!

The movie is very emotional and I cry my eyes out, have a chance to see some friends and acquaintances, people I am only in contact with through the social media and people I only know through the social media or TV. The author Albert Espinosa, who wrote his own story, was there and it really touched me to put a ‚real‘ face to this story.

We went to the after show party at Maybach’s and despite being super tired, it was a great way to spend #worldcancerday and I am planning to pack for my rehab NOW, as I am leaving tomorrow 😉 Procrastinating away….

Do you recognize Sandra from my profile photo!?!?

#worldcancerday

Cancer Blogger Diana, Krabbamein – der Krebs und ich and Flügelbruch e.V. initiated the campaign #darkside/ #schattenseite to shed some light onto the fact that cancer isn’t just diagnosis, treatment and back to life, but something you live with for the rest of your life, as we not only keep our physical and mental scars, but also some longterm side effects!

Check out the album or the video!

The earlier a tumor is found, the better the chances to survive and keep the aftermaths as minimal as possible. You only have this one body, this one life…

Cancer does not discriminate, you are never too young, you are not special, even if you are a non-smoking vegan pregnant sports fanatic … I was 43 and had only stopped nursing my second child one week earlier – there is no protection….

I discovered the lump in my breast accidentally and I am forever grateful I did, as I never checked my breasts! I also thought that I had the mollycoddle cancer – the easy treatable one – but cancer is cancer…. no matter what cancer, what stage, what treatment…. it plays unfair and even the most promising diagnosis can end fatal.

Listen to your body and go to all possible check ups.

For me, there were a lot of positive things that came along with the cancer, I show that you can to a certain extend still do ’normal‘ and fun things, while undergoing treatment, I am happy to be involved with charities and campaigns, support cancer research and foundations, BUT that does not mean that I wanted it – by no means. I am happy how things turned out, I focus on the positive things, as I cannot change the negative ones, but by no means would I ever say that I am thankful for cancer – it is still cancer we are talking about!

I am happy to give cancer a face and a voice though, as we need to lift the tabu, make it a normal part of everyday life and need to use the word – CANCER instead of ‚it‘, ‚your situation‘ or whatever synonyms people come up with, when trying to avoid cancer talk!

Cancer research is advancing and the treatments have improved tremendously, but there is no cure for cancer – yet! Please support the organizations fighting it, supporting cancer research and cancer patients, but also the many people, who go public with their cancer journey, give cancer a face and openly talk about it!

Janssen Oncology invited for their Blogger Workshop 2.0 and we all made our way to Düsseldorf!

I am happy, exhausted, inspired and will report en detail, but not tonight…. my kids are a bit poorly and it is time to come home.

Thank you for wonderful and inspiring 24 hours – I am feeling grateful!

#feelitonthefirst – it’s that time of the month again that I want to remind you to check your boobs! Yes, all of you, as men can also have breastcancer – even without men boobs 😉

I accidentally found the knot in my breast and I am forever thankful that I did, as early detection is key!

And if you see a doctor, don’t let them brush you off with a „you are too young for breast cancer“, „oh, I can feel that it is only a cyst“…. you are never too young and you cannot feel, if it is breast cancer or not. Especially for young women, the best early detection is done by ultrasound!

Despite the fact that millions go into the mammogram screening program for the 50+s, nothing is done for the <50s in regards to screening. Ultrasound is something that is not included during your regular gynaecologist visit unless there is an irregularity. Why?!?

It is great that the +50 screening programm is in place, but there is an increasing amount of young women out there, who have very aggressive tumors like mine. Even if the screening age is lowered, a mammogram is not ideal for us, as my tumor was not seen on the mammogram….

This is something politicians should look at!

I am off to a 3D x-ray of my jaw bones and tonight I am meeting some of my Cologne blogger peeps to travel to the Janssen Onchology Blogger Workshop in Düsseldorf tomorrow. And guess what – all is packed for tonight 😉