I wish I could say that I am all packed for our flights tomorrow, but procrastination is my area of expertise 😉

Leo has packed though…. he obviously has more of Markus‘ genes 😂

It’s a beautiful day outside – 26 degrees – but I have no energy to go outside….. and I should pack after all …. now, I will send my parents, Markus and the kids away and PACK…. really! Now!

And then, this is what I do all day…. drink coffee and chill and procrastinate packing 🤦‍♀️ story of my life!

When I was an air hostess, I would have everything double, so I would never unpack my suitcase and just replace dirty uniforms with fresh ones, dirty clothes with clean ones and I would be done….. and that was a hassle already…. I don’t like it when people talk about doing thing instead of just doing them, but when it comes to packing…. guilty!

Enjoy the weather and the weekend – I will pack now and finally enjoy some time with my kids today – thanks for the pictures, Michael!

One year ago, I celebrated my 44th birthday with my closest friends in Mercato Deluxe – one of my favorite places in Cologne – not knowing what layed ahead of me….but I wanted to have a nice evening with some of the people I cared about most and live the moment!

When Christina shaved my head October 1st, days after my second EC chemo, we left a few millimeters, as my chemo buddy Katja said that she got spots, as she shaved it all off and my brother, who also sports a bald head, recommended not to give it a wet shave …. the stubbles were in patches though and for two days I wore a beanie, as it looked really sick.

The morning of October 4th 2017, I took the clippers and said good bye to the last bit of hair. It was uplifting and I liked it actually, but wasn’t 100% secure to go outside all bald. As I arrived in the restaurant, I got the typical hot flushes and took my beanie off…. and by the end of a wonderful evening, it felt normal to be bald – „I cannot even remember what you looked like before. It feels so normal!“ my cousin wondered as we said good bye.

And today, I am starting chemo cycle 6/8…. and I will see my onchologist because of my stinking cold and coughing – I need to be fit for Avène…. and I will probably cancel my coffee & cake guests (I purposely did not plan an evening out, as my new bed time goes in line with the kids‘ sleeping patterns) – but I will also dress up for the occasion, enjoy my day and have champagne!

One more thing – I did not read any cancer books, I just did not want to…. and it took me ages to listen to the „You, Me and the big C“ podcast – actually I only listened properly after Rachael died and Emma encouraged me!

Today though, Deborah’s book „F*** you, Cancer!“ is out and I downloaded the audio book! Check it out – I did not start it yet, but I know it will be amazing, because this woman is amazing…. she manages her life with stage IV bowel cancer, is funny, witty and goes by the name of Bowelbabe …. I think that tells you all …. next on the list is Emma’s book „All that followed!“, but there is no audio version … yet… and I am determined now to continue writing my book! Watch this space…. but bring plenty of time 😉

Pink is not really my colour, no, not at all, actually…. but for the good cause, I go pink!

In a way it is crazy that October goes wild with breastcancer awareness, when cancer is around every day…. but I jump on the bandwagon – we cannot scream loud enough to raise awareness, break the tabu around cancer and make sure people look after themselves…. pinktober it is!

Today I want to point to Melou and their wish bracelets – €4 of each pink bracelet (they cost €14,90 incl. VAT and shipping) is donated to the look good feel better cosmetic seminars run by DKMS LIFE in Germany. The programme helps women with cancer to embrace their feminity in the face of illness, thereby granting their wish for normalcy.… I got mine from DKMS LIFE and in this case, I love pink! … and the grey one is from the Blogger4Charity goodie bag, as they support this wonderful charity as well ❤️

It is 11:00 and Markus and the kids just left, so I can quietly pack for our trip to Avène…. I sit in bed and have to admit that I never really planned to pack. I had a Sauna date for today…. a bit of Wellness …. hmmm…. but I have a cold. No sauna for me…. I won’t give up! I still have a massage voucher from my chemo sisters and Simone and I will indulge in Thai heavens and go to Shibuya Sushi for lunch…. pure bliss …. and I want to quickly visit their building site. They bought a house and I love interior design and cannot wait to see the progress…. procrastinate packing?!? Moi?!? You did not really think I would pack four days in advance?!?! Four days?!? Who are you kidding….Not really 😉

After a night of cold and fever, Mia and I feel better, but she has to stay at home and it throws all my plans overboard! Thank goodness, Markus can take some time off and work from home in the afternoon, as I have doctors appointments and I am meeting a journalist, who will document my time in Avène.

Matthias Fuchs visits me and makes me feel at ease and we talk about my life since my diagnosis…. it makes me sentimental, emotional and proud – what a year it has been. I look forward to working with him in Avène….. and talking of which – I need to start packing 😉

#feelitonthefirst – bam – it is breast cancer awareness month!

Feel your breasts, look after yourself and be kind to yourself!

I am in breast cancer therapy for over a year now, I am tired and exhausted, but happy to be alive! I am happy that I felt a lump while showing and the earlier breast cancer is detected, the easier it is to be treated! Lucky me!

Listen to your body – you are the one who know it best! Cancer can hit anyone at any age at any time – it does not ask, if it is a good time for you…. it simply sneaks around the corner and hits you in the face, when you expect it the least!

I am having a cold, but will look after myself in between singing sharmanic songs in music therapy, coffee with kindergarten friend Lars, getting my 14th sick note. Fun fact – as I drop it off, HR tells me that it’s my 10th anniversary with HRG today – crazy…. I have been back in Germany for 10 years already! Wow!

It’s time to take my flu battled body home listening to the mellow sounds of Miles Davis, which puts me into a little peaceful bubble before I have to do the paediatric run with the kids for Leo’s annual check up ….no rest for the wicked 😉

Everyone from my prenatal class reunion cancelled today, but you know what? Then I have more time with Leo ❤️ … it is just a pity that I cancelled a visit from two ships mates because of it, but they will visit me another time 😉

This morning I buried myself in paperwork for the insurance company to get money back. It is not overly complicated, but my hand is bad at handwriting at the moment and my brain is bad at concentrating…. that does not help. I try my best though and put it aside now to spend a mother son afternoon with Leo ❤️

Today I checked my blog stats and I am in awe to see that my blog is read in 93 countries…. my traveler heart jumps with joy! Thank you all for following my journey, your time, support and love – it means the world to me and keeps me going ❤️

I received more Dreamball pictures and it’s the final time I will post about it …. I think 😉 it just brought back all these great memories ❤️

And today, „Baby horse and Mummy horse“ are going to town together. I have to return a few things and Mia and I are having a coffee date 😉

We need talk more about cancer, start using the word! It is called CANCER and it is everywhere, even, if you cannot see it…. it is not „that situation“ or „your circumstances“ nor „it“…. it is called cancer! Yes, we can…cer – starts right there!

This charitable organisation wants to encourage tabu and fear free cancer communication, bring attention to the subject, support cancer projects and connect patients, supporters and anyone concerned.

Check them out and follow them on their Facebook or Instagram or after 1 October on their website or app ❤️ – they have exciting things planned and I support them 100% ❤️ watch this space!

Determination … I go the extra mile, get the job done, mobilize extra energy to reach a goal, strive for perfection, there is no such thing as a dead end, I get back to you immediately, get things done, while multitasking is my middle name and never say no, as I love the challenge – that was my life…until I got my diagnosis.

Now I accepted that I can no longer do everything I want, need to ration my energy carefully and have to live with unfinished work and very long timelines.

I have neither fully arrived in nor completely accepted my new normal, but I am getting there!

I happily used and mobilized all my energy during the last ten days for all the events and birthday preparations, for making invitations, organizing presents and the party, decorations, details, food… I dived into it, did it all until the job was done in an attempt to make the kids happy and myself, to create lasting memories – just in case….but today, I know that I have to rest, decline a breakfast date and do nothing.

There are appointments again tomorrow, but today is mellow – I spend a calm morning with the kids and after I drop them off I simply rest and dose until pick up time and I am having an early night ❤️ look after yourself – I am on my final stretch and will recharge my batteries in the Avéne clinic! I am more than ready to go and I got my flight details for the 7th now – yipehhhh!!!