10 November 2017

I slept like a baby – sopping wet PJs, but hopefully that did the trick. I love the new chemo drugs, as I am tired, but have no nausea and seem to be emotionally strong… so far and I have appetite! Hopefully this will not be the start of being fat, as they give me more cortisone now 😜

Despite the fact that these Chemos are weekly now, I no longer have to go to chemo center in between… no more injections, infusions, bloodtests – only one visit a week! And if I am ok on Fridays apart from being tired, then all is good and I can handle the next 11 weeks easily!

When I woke up, there were loads of messages from my sleepless friends… keep writing to me, maybe it was just a once off that I slept through 😉

I am out and about and it is really only the coughing, which bothers me!! Now that it gets colder and with chemo, I should look after my skin a bit more and follow Steffi‘s recommendation, while we have coffee: I make an appointment with Margot Hornecker – very close….no kidding …. that is the beautician‘s name 😂

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The latest chemo gift – socks!

9 November 2017

I am nervous today, but I meet this incredible taxi driver, who lived 25 years in London – what a character and a great story of love, travel and entrepreneurship! Thank you for brightening my day 😀😀

Chemo nurse Fassbender looks concerned, as I have a cold, measures my temperature and tells me that I do not look too well …. they check my blood levels and say that I need to see Dr. Reiser because of my cold and liver results 😳 I feel like I am in trouble…. well, all is fine! He likes my hairstyle, checks my lungs and gives the go to do chemo! In oder for this new poison not to do too much damage to my fingertips and nails (they are falling apart already, there is air under some of them and I sometimes still have trouble opening my bike lock), I will get cooling gloves and cooling packs to see what works for me… but first nurse Fassbender needs to check that I do not get an allergic reaction and says „do not worry, we will sail this ship together and I will be there with you!“ she makes me a cup of tea, strokes my head and I think she is wonderful ❤️

The medication makes me tired and then she is trying Paelitaxal and I am not reacting allergically and we can go. I dose off, as I cannot do much with my hands in the cooling gloves anyway! Then I get the massive cooling packs and soon all is over….. did drift off and hope I did not snore having the cold 😉

All fine and chemo nurse says that I will be very tired. Yep, that is true – I already fall asleep in the Taxi and am wide awake, when the wobbly driver says „Schäääääätzchen!“ 🙄 don‘t you Schätzchen me! Off to bed 😴😴😴😴

Steffi and my mom, who Mia calls „Oppa“ now, are juggling the kids and the last Martin‘s procession and I will do absolutely nothing!

A big welcome to Carla‘s little sister Greta Philippa ❤️ Can‘t wait to meet her ❤️

8 November 2017

What a wonderful day – having coffee with my running mamas after training, climbing, dancing, singing and playing with my kids, sushi and a presentation about driving a VW T1 from Istanbul to the Northcape! Thank you, Christina for a great evening and thank you, Markus for looking after the kids again! I am happy and thankful and ready for chemo – just a bit of a cough and a sore throat, which will hopefully be gone by tomorrow 😉

… and my brother thinks I should write a book 😂

7 November 2017

Yipeehhh, I got my mojo back! Did pick up my bike and cycled up all the hills and I am feeling the best since starting chemo! Chemo round number two, I am ready for you now!

Today was a day of new beginnings – I started with cleaning up and had a pelvic floor training session with the midwife and yoga teacher Heike. It is about time that I will be fit for running again! I also contacted Wislava to see, if she is still getting people together for nude drawings and I want to take piano lessons again, which I did last, when pregnant with Leo. Additionally, I am in contact with a coach and we see, if we can benefit from each other…. I want to use the energy before it all goes out of the window again with my next chemo on Thursday 😉

Despite the fact that I was full of power all day, I had a low point this afternoon and lost it a bit with my kids…. It is not fair, as they are handling the whole situation really well and it was a combination of me being a bit thin skinned and tired and them being tired too and screaming – I just went around the corner for 5 minutes to finish my coffee and left them with Steffi! I am no longer as patient with my kids as I used to be, but I try! They give me so much strength and I love them so much!!

The St. Martin’s play in Riehl was nice, but what I really love about St. Martin’s is the brassband – it brings back so many childhood memories and gives me goosebumps – I just love it! And the fact that St. Martin was on a horse and we were singing in the streets with loads of lanterns and flares and had something like a bonfire afterwards just completed it. They were selling sausages – easy dinner for the kids!! Well, it was in fact Markus, who came to pick up the kids, as Svenja collected me right there for an evening with the girls at Shibuya.

One more day to chemo – and though I was scared of this one, I think I am mentally prepared now. Chemo nurse Fassbender gave me a brochure called „Allowing fear“, which I will have a look at tomorrow.IMG_5993

6 November 2017

My day started with speed dating albeit without the pressure: shopping with Alexa, coffee with Nina in Cafe Pause, Maja joins us and leaves, more drinks and food, then Hannah joins and later Simone and Nina leaves…. and I feel all healthy and happy again!

Food is something that has an all different meaning now. „Whatever you eat during chemo, you will no longer like afterwards!“ chemo nurse Fassbender always says and it is true… thinking about ginger water and chicken soup makes me ill and the salty taste, when they first flush the chemo port with NaCl is disgusting. It is strange though – they inject it into the port and immediately, you have this salty taste on the back of your tongue… I do eat licorice now or some sweets, while they flush it, but it is strong and something I can actually taste right now, just thinking about it. My taste buds are different as well – I eat a lot of things with minced meat now… something I never ate since I was a child! Steffi and my Mom use it in several dishes and I eat it, because it is there, but I actually really like it after chemo and it is the same with other hearty things too. Today was the third time I bought some chicken Dürüm after yoga… not really yogi spirit, I know, but I had cravings 😉 Other times, it can happen that I forget two meal a day – but Dr. Reiser said I should make sure I do not loose too much weight, so I try to be a good girl and make an effort to eat regularly.

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St. Martin’s Day in Kindergarten – first of three processions this week

5 November 2017

Oh, what a wonderful evening I had last night…so much fun – thank you girls! I had a blast! The pain killers worked and I truly enjoyed it! It is so important to go out and it makes me feel alive!

This is what they all say, but cancer shows you who your real friends are. Now I only spend time with people I really care about and some people I did not know that well are close friends now and other friends, who I thought were close, are now in a distance. The one thing I cut out immediately were the negative people, as this is something I do not have the energy for. You meet a lot of fellow patients and some just winge and moan, which they have all rights to do so, it is just something that I cannot handle right now… and this is where I actually quickly change the subject, end the conversation in a polite way and go! I also respect that some people have an issue dealing with the whole story, but I try to make it easy to talk to me about it, being proactive and open about it. Some friends could not handle my strength wanting space to be shocked and concerned about it and that is fine as well. I don’t have the nerves for arguments either, am honest and open and try to get rid of any misunderstandings and tensions as quickly as possible. At the end of the day, I now already see people a bit differently than before, I do not feel that I have to live up to anyone’s expectations, have reduced the number of people I go out with and I am still only at the beginning of my journey.

Something else has really changed as well – I no longer enjoy having an open house 😉 I mean that I rather meet friends outside somewhere in order to give me the chance to get away whenever I want to, if I am not too well, without having to kick my guests out. They would probably all be ok, but it is just the way it is. Same with overnight guests – I cannot do it at the moment…Home has become a place I associate with being ill maybe? I don’t know?!? I did spend most of the day at home today with Leo, as it was raining cats and dogs and we had a wonderful time – I am fit again and it was quality time and a really happy day for me. In the afternoon Markus returned from my parents with Mia and gosh, did I miss her… the afternoon was then filled with screaming and running kids at Leo’s friend Carla’s. She said yesterday to her Mom „you know, I love Leo“ and then there were quite a few loud arguments today and they seemed like an old couple 😉

PS: No worries!! There will be an open house Karneval Monday, as it is every year!! I was only talking about the daily basis 😉

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4 November 2017

Oh what a night…. did maybe sleep a total of two hours!! I was in pain all night, but thanks to Inga, Simone, Conny, Alexa and Jos for chatting with me during different intervals – it is great to have friends with little babies, sleepless nights or different time zones 😉😘

I need to feel better – it is a gorgeous day and tonight is Museum night!

I am getting all kind of medication and contact Prof. Dr. Breidenbach to check what I am allowed to take. I am not really feeling better – the medication calms the pain down and I can finally sleep, but I am crying, as I want to do things with Leo and I am too weak! This is when a large parcel from Torsten and Silke arrives – perfect timing!! Thank you so much ❤️

This afternoon my neighbour Maggie puts flowers, a body lotion and a scented candle outside my door ❤️ I feel spoiled!

Prof. Dr. Breidenbach even calls me to make sure that the medication was helping and insisted I needed to protect my stomach lining after all the medication I already get with chemo. Monday I will find out, if a little operation is necessary, which would set back the rest of my chemo 😢 Fingers crossed!

There is no way I can go to Museum Night tonight, but if I don‘t go out, I‘ll have cabin fever – will go to Kuen, they have a sofa 😉

3 November 2017

Insomnia my friend – NOT! I don’t like being awake at night, but hey, I knew that this was a side effect and try to make the best out of it. Last night my friend Inga contacted me, as she was also awake for an hour – what a pity I had just gone back to sleep 😉… but keep trying!

Today, I would like to take a moment to thank all my friends from near and far, for their love and support – it is still amazing and today I had another present from my neighbour on my door step – sauna vouchers!! Thank you!! I feel truly blessed to have so many wonderful friends, but even people I did not know at all, like Jamie, who I only met at the QE2 reunion, have constantly cheered me up with their messages. Thank you!

I get a call from Dr. Reiser concerning my liver results….. they are not good and he was wondering, if I was taking any medication! They then asked, if I had been drinking alcohol?!?!?! Yep, two glasses of wine and one champagne…. I feel like an alcoholic, who has been caught, but they confirm that it is then a normal past chemo reaction – I still feel guilty and will skip the cheeky wines in the future 😢

Been to the doctor‘s and it‘s a thrombosis on my bum – OMG…. I have never heard of a thing like it! Painful, but harmless and some cream will help! Well, after seeing the girls and ordering the medication, I stay at Simone‘s and rest ❤️ Leo is sleeping at Carla‘s tonight and we can go out!

2 November 2017

What a day! I wake up soaked at midnight and hope that I got rid of my cold, but cannot sleep for another two hours… Leo wakes up and as I cuddle him, he goes „Mom, your T-shirt is all wet“… and I am not feeling any better. I am dizzy and have to force myself to eat Müsli almost throwing up after the last spoon. I rest and ask Markus to drop off Leo at Kindergarten, as I have to bring my bike to inspection with Jochen, but simply cannot get up…

Finally I manage to get on my bike and find it extremely tiring and additionally my bum hurts 😉 I cannot ride the bike up a hill and push it, only to discover that I took the wrong turn and that I am at a dead end… I am so exhausted that I start crying and need a rest. This is not me and it really frightens me, but I have absolutely no power… I finally make it to Jochen’s Radfieber shop, rest and we grab a coffee. That helps! Thanks!

There is a man, who asks me, if I bought my mobile case in Aachener Strasse and yes, in fact I did… did not know that it was so unique, as it just a clear silicon cover,  but he works in the shop and we arrange to meet there, as he reckons that I could get a new mobile. Strange things happen, but I wanted to get the new mobile anyway!

Off to get my blood levels checked and I pass the test with flying colors. Chemo nurse Fassbender says that it is probably my diet, but whatever I do, it works… Whoohooo! Not that I feel like it, but great!

I go to Steffy, so she can look at my new website and I am feeling nauseous …. Steffy helped me already so much anyway within an hour that I think I am ready to launch www.kick-cancer-chick.com! I guess I should have a little launch party, but just drop into bed with three blankets and sleep.

I am supposed to go climbing with Anne in the morning… I cannot see that yet, but maybe this night will bring a miracle – fingers crossed! Otherwise I go for breakfast with the moms 😉

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Jochen & I

 

 

1 November 2017

Halleluja – kids slept until 6:30!!! We are getting there!

Mom is taking Mia with her for a couple of days and I miss her already. Coming back from the station I have a sore throat and start shivering. I am tired, so tired and feel sorry for myself… Leo measures my blood pressure, checks, if I have a fever and gives me a cool pack! Then I get about 50 injections and he says „this is going through your body now and then the cancer is gone!“- bless! Hot water bottle and two blankets will hopefully do the job now! And I pulled something in my bum a week ago and it is getting worse – I can hardly sit … oh well, these things always come in pairs I guess 😉